Will this pain ever get easier?

My mum became suddenly sick and was diagnosed with a stage 4 brain tumour. She passed away only 3 months after she first went into the hospital. How can someone who was happy, fit and healthy pass away just 3 months after experiencing their symptom (a seizure)?
It’s been a whirlwind of emotions and pain. Whilst she was sick, I always had that tiny bit of hope that she would pull through this. I had known of people who have had tumours but with surgery and therapy had ended up being fine and I hoped that would have been the same for her. I didn’t even think to prepare myself for her to pass.
When she passed, my whole world went dark and I’ve since been living with that horrible pain in my chest daily. It’s hard to think of life from now on without her. Every Christmas, every birthday, every Mother’s Day from now will be hard to celebrate. I always knew she was there for me and now I dread the moments when I think “oh let me ask mum about this” and she won’t be there to contact.
I have plenty of support around me but it’s hard to explain to others who aren’t going through the same plan.
I’d also like to know from someone who has gone through a similar experience if this pain ever gets easier? Does life ever feel normal again after some time? Do the memories of your loved one fade after some time? How do you go back to remembering the person who they were before they got sick?


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Hello @CJ2022, I am so sorry for the death of your mum. As you say, it can be so hard to understand how someone can leave us so suddenly. Many of our members have experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you’re going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support soon, but I wanted to share our How long does grief last? article with you. It may be helpful for you right now.

I hope you find the community to be a support - take good care,


Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad passed suddenly last year. I was with him the day before and he seemed so well. He didn’t have great health as he was recovering from a stroke and heart attack but there was no sign of him being unwell. It was a massive shock. Its still as painful,missing him. It feels like a physical pain in my chest and comes in waves. But I do remember him before he was unwell. My memories are manly him well. Sorry this message hasn’t been much help. I just totally get how your feeling.

my sister was fit an well she suddenly got really dizzy was diagnosed with a brain tumour and died 12 weeks later. Like you the shock, the why, the how just kept coming. There were no signs at all till she went dizzy. You don’t have time to process any of it at the time because you’re plunged into a nightmare.

For me this is over 2 years ago and I’m still going through greif and it still hits me and floors me. You just get used to the new way things now are

I’m so sorry you’d to loose someone you loved like this too.

I lost my dad, 27 years ago, and yes the memories fade, but if you have memories where you both were happy and joyful, then they are never truly gone :heart:

Sorry to hear about you mum. I lost my dad in March I still can’t bring my self to accept it neither do I understand why he went down hill so suddenly turned out he had agressive lymphoma an when the doctors finally found out he only jad hours.to live. Apparently doctors say he must of been living with it hears. Yet how did it go unnoticed for such a long time even though he had regular appointments etc…
The reason i am replying to you iss because My mum is alive but not doing great. She experienced a fit and was rushed to hospital she was there for a week.they said it was due to encephalitis. She didn’t know who I was I was with her constantly I felt like a stranger to her. She came home an 3 weeks later.another fit. Which they found a brain aneurysm. She is now home but she always forgets. Constantly asking me same questions.always confused.
Dr still says it’s due to brain aneurysm but haven’t contacted her since. Just gave her pills an sent her on her way. Bare in mind she lost her husband of 54 years.
I feel like I’m screaming under water
Like I’m trapped and can’t get out.
I can’t talk about losing him etc. People say it gets easier but.im still trying to come to terms with him being gone
I wish you all the best in your journey they say time is a healer fingers crossed it is. But if I’m honest I don’t think you heal from it I think you just learn to mange it

So sorry to hear about your loss. It is hard dealing with things. You have support around you, that’s important. I lost my wife and mom this year,to cancer and a stroke. Whilst caring for my wife through chemo, mom had a stroke and couldn’t talk. This Xmas day will be 21 years since my dad had a heart attack and died suddenly in front of me. That took many anniversarys to get over. I feel now stronger and able to face the world alone ( I have no friends, they too all died last few years, I have no support). So support is very much something that will make a difference, so make sure you connect.

Thanks for reaching out. I’m so sorry for your loss! I totally relate to the pain coming in waves and at the moment I just don’t know when that wave will hit so I’m experiencing a bit of anxiety when it comes to leaving the house because I don’t want to break down in public all of a sudden.
I’m glad you’re able to remember him well, those memories are great to hold on to :white_heart:

I’m so sorry for your loss, that must have been such a big shock indeed. You’re right when you say there’s no time to process things. It was just one piece of bad news after the other when mum went into hospital without even time to process in between. I’m finding that I’m having random flashbacks at the moment to those days she just thinking what else could we have tried?!

Thanks for reaching out

I’m sorry for your loss, thanks for reaching out. It gives me hope to know that even after a few years the memories would still be there :white_heart:

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for your loss that must have been a huge huge shock without even time to process what’s going on! I’m sorry about what is going on with your mum too. The hardest thing is when you feel like you have no control over anything and if you’re like me and don’t work in the medical field, it’s hard to not always know what the doctors are talking about and if they are doing what’s best for your loved one.
I wish you all the best on your journey too and please feel free to message any time you just need to release something off your chest. I know it’s hard to talk to people who don’t fully understand what you’re going through and although each grief journey is unique, I find it helpful to vent to someone who has an idea of what it feels like.

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I’m so sorry for your loss, that’s a lot of close people to lose in such a short space of time, I honestly can’t imagine what it must have felt like to through pain after pain like that.
I admire your strength, it’s very encouraging! Thank you so much for sharing this with me, and please feel free to reach out any time


Not sure if you still use this forum but I wanted to reach out. I have just lost my dad three weeks ago also to a grade 4 brain tumour (gliobliostoma)

My dad was fit and healthy and we lost him in six months, he was 57 and I’m 27. Brain tumours are so cruel and they take everything away from the person you love it’s very hard to watch.

I knew my dads tumour was terminal and you experience anticipatory grief but it doesn’t make it easier does it. I have those exact thoughts how can I get past the trauma of the six months watching my dad becoming so unwell, I also struggle that all I have now is photos that ignite memories. I struggle with that fact I’ll probably have to live longer without my dad than with him.

You are little further into this journey than me but loosing a parent to a grade four brain tumour now maybe we can find some common ground in our experience. I hope you are taking care of yourself the best you can.

Hi, my stepdad passed away suddenly in 2020. He was perfectly healthy and actually out on a bike ride when it happened. It came as quite a shock, and I remember the police coming to the house and the cup of tea they gave me; it tasted awful. There are still days where I miss my stepdad, and I know it’s all part of grief’s process. But it is hard, you feel like you’re doing it all alone. But if you speak to people maybe friends, family or even colleagues you may discover someone who has gone through something similar. My good friend Aimee has helped me so much through the hard times. I hope that soon the pain will all just go away for everyone.