Since losing my soulmate in June this year I have been left a wreck. Now the dark nights are creeping in I feel scared and lonely, days & nights are all the same just sat wondering why? my husband was the kindest caring man and it’s cruel that cancer came and stole him. There is so much everywhere about Christmas on tv and in shops. I wish I could hibernate until it’s all over as it is making me sad and anxious. I have nobody to share it with and the thought of another day of heartbreak while everyone around me is having family time fills me with despair.
Sorry for the doom & gloom but it’s one of those days
Jen
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Sorry for you loss Jen .Totally know how you feel.My partner was diagnosed last Sep with c .We didn’t celebrate Xmas or New Year we just knew it would be our last together .We was right and seeing the Xmas decs out already has put a dampener on things already .Back in a deep hole again
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do you belong to a church or community group, if you won’t be with family?
a widow - widowers group?
counseling helped me learn and to plan for life after loss. if you do not feel like doing anything, you are allowed. there are no should-s in grief. going deep into mourning is also alight and important as we have to do it at some point.
@berit I don’t have any family. I have tried to find groups but living rural makes it very difficult especially in the dark nights having to drive home alone. It’s sad that I have to spend Christmas alone but sadly two of us became one when my husband was taken from me
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@Timebomb I’m sorry that you are feeling the same way. I envy those who have families and lots of support. I don’t ask for much in this life but sometimes I would really appreciate a helping hand while the hurt is so bad. Living is so difficult without the one we chose to spend the rest of our life with
My best wishes … Jen
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Hi
Lost my Paul to cancer 24th July 2022
My birthday is 24th October we always made a big thing about birthdays with loads of surprises
Not this year
The same with Christmas
Not this year
Not coping at all
Hugs to all
Xx
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I am so sorry that you are also in this awful place, it’s early days for both of us and at the moment I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel yet.
Sending a hug in return x
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Thank you Jen
Xx
there must be a parish even in the countryside … that is what I would do religious or not.
but I envy you! to live in the English countryside sounds lovely to me.
I wish you the best and I hope you have some nice pets around, perhaps an old cat?
my thoughts are with you. you are not alone. 
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Sorry to hear of ure loss. I totally understand when you said you want to hibernate. I still have people at home that I get up for cook for and clean house for. But I don’t want to get up and take care of the house and family anymore. I lost my brother in 2020 my mum this April and my sister this August. I have no of my grown up family left. It hurts like hell on earth. Such a struggle. I’m glad we can at least message on here. As we all no what that pain is.
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Hi Jen,
I’m so sorry your having a bad time. Christmas is probably the worst of the holidays to negotiate. I lost my wife Sue to ovarian cancer in July this year. I’ve had a rollercoaster of emotions up and very down. At Christmas Sue would make all the arrangements for entertaining the family, I won’t be doing anything this year not even a tree will go up. I’m lucky enough to have an invite to my daughters in Reading so won’t be alone. It will be awful not having Sue with me though. My wife was only 61 when she passed away she was someone who loved life and was such fun to be with. When she died part of me died as well. I’ve had a real low today tears and depression, I know I’ll come through it only to suffer the same again in a few days or weeks it’s horrible I know. I had my 63rd birthday recently but found no enjoyment in it despite my daughters best efforts to make it special. I’d love to tell you it will get easier but I think all we can do is learn to adapt and try to live life as best we can. I’m sorry to sound so pessimistic but I know it’s going to be tough for all of us. The one good point is everybody on this forum wants to help each other and that’s special so please chat and pour your emotions out, I find it does help to share. My very best wishes to you Jen and I hope you find the strength to get past Christmas and move forward. Dave2 x
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Hi Dave 2
You said it all…….
We all feel the same but we are living ‘it’ individually if you know what I mean
My birthday 24th October dreading it previously we were away in the motorhome for that all our plans gone
Paul gone
Me gone
Christmas getting uptight
New year the same
In 2023 hate it paul passed away 2022 July 24 th a eternity way
Even further apart
Hugs to everyone
Xx
Dear @Caz2010 I am so sorry that you have had so much loss to cope with, you must feel totally drained. This journey is extremely hard and all feels uphill but thankfully this forum allows us to say how we feel by writing it down, somehow it does help.
Please make time for yourself as you deserve it. Sending you a hug and hope it reaches you with the kindness intended
Jen x
Hi @Dave2,
Thank you for taking the time to write your kind reply to my post and for sharing your story. Every first is going to be hard but I hope in time we all learn to live with our grief and emptiness. Our loved ones are always in our heart and as long as it beats we are with them.
I wish you well and thank you again
Jen x
Thanks for ure kind words. It’s a very hard club we are all in. I’ve asked Marie curie twice for counciling after my mum now after my sister and I’m still waiting. So going to do it myself with just these chats on here. No one knows the pain but everyone on herex
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Hi Caz2010
Yes I asked for counselling from Herriot hospice applied august bank holiday Saturday
A lady rang me bank holiday Monday
I asked for face to face appointments she said she’d put me on the list but there is a waiting list and she didn’t know when I’d hear
I’m still waiting……
Like you I’ll chat to folks on here who knows the pain heart ache loneliness and what feeling utterly rubbish is
Words just don’t describe the sheer ache inside
Hugs to all
Xx
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Jen
I understand the loneliness as I do too. Would you like a pen pal or an email friend for now? Let me know Leigh
I found myself drive by my mum and my sister’s house were they lived. We’re i went every morning for the last 30 + years. They both died this April then sister in August. I had to fight to stop myself from sitting outside. I kept picturing me opening the door going in and seeing them both. A very difficult day and I managed to g
Hide it from everyone
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Good morning,
Please could I ask which bereavement counselling group did you use,
sadly lost my mother best friend in July 2020 which broke my heart and struggle so very much to try to come to terms with but felt I was seeing the light of gratefulness and a smile returning again, until upon recently losing my grandmother in august 22 who also was a mother to me bringing me up from being born leaving a feeling of emptiness, existing & lost ( I started counselling with cruse after about 6 months of Mums passing but found I was feeling worst many sessions after and comments made felt too much to hear, how would my mother feel that I was dwelling wasn’t something That I found comforting only feeling guilt for my sadness upsetting her further, reflecting maybe I wasn’t ready I’m
Not sure?
upon loosing my grandmother in august my whole world feels like it has completely crumbled feeling some days like I am unable to continue some days after much self help and medication I am able to get up and compete part tasks set out to do or socialise with family / friends and others just want to lock self away from the world and wake up from the nightmare feeling on edge lost emptiness and unsafe from the world, I would like to regain confidence within bereavement counselling if possible and give it another try but unsure of Where to try, so I would be very grateful of personal experience recommendations if you are happy to share
I have started church, using every mind matters website, been completing meditation and well-being, reading, sleep hygiene and trying to go out in nature as much as possible to try to self help as know these help and feel this has started to break though the compete feeling of hopelessness and able to complete some daily tasks set out to do
Sending love strength and light your way xx
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Hello @Tash88, if you feel like you would like to try counselling again, Sue Ryder offer free Online Bereavement Counselling. Sessions are with trained bereavement counselling and held via video chat. Maybe take a look and see what you think.
Take care,
Seaneen
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