Tomorrow 12th August will be one year since I lost my beautiful husband and I’m dreading it. I’m already starting to get panic attacks how do u get though it. I miss him everyday but tomorrow seems to be all I can think about. I keep having falsh backs of that day seeing him in a hospital bed tubes everywhere it’s unbearable . People say I should be getting on with life and not dwelling on the past but I’m finding it very hard. So much awful stuff has happened in the last year I lost my sister in law in April due to covid my brother has turned to drink now I have to move house leaving all our happy times behind I’m desperate for something nice to happen but I know it wont my life is a mess and I’m really had all I can take . Sorry for rant x
Hi @Misprint,
I’m so sorry to hear that it’s approaching the one-year anniversary since you lost your husband. Understandably, anniversaries can be especially difficult as your mind races to when you last saw him. I’m also sorry to hear about your sister-in-law.
There is no timeline for how long grief lasts or how you should feel after a particular time. Learning to live with the loss of someone you love can take a long time, and just as everyone’s grief is different, so each person feels differently as time passes after a bereavement.
You may find the following Sue Ryder resources helpful:
- Our Bereavement information pages
- Our Online Bereavement Support, which includes our free online bereavement counselling, our Grief Self-Help service which has interactive tools to help you cope with grief, and Grief Coach, where you can receive personalised support via text
Please do keep talking and I hope you can find comfort in the Online Community.
Take care of yourself,
Becca 
Anniversaries are ridiculously painful. A great, fun day suddenly replaced by pain, anxiety and despair. I totally understand. Lost my beautiful Wife 2 years, 10 months and 5 days ago. Our anniversary is 25th August and my birthday 4th September. Dreading both days…again. We try to move on but 40 years together and still young, my Wife 59 and me 58 when she passed. It DOES get easier in some ways, you know when you put that bloody key in the door there isn’t anybody to hug/kiss you 
when you wake and reach out, she’s not there. BUT it still hurts like nothing I have ever experienced before. I still drink far too much and will only ever be happy when I am with my soul mate. Sending a big hug and kiss. Wish I could offer more, but as you know, life will never be as good or the same again. You have to be in it to know it…and none of us chose to be here.
Thanku for your reply . Yes it’s a lonely life day in day out with just memories for company I don’t go out much I get upset when I see couples holding hands and feel jealous I know its not rational and I shouldn’t feel envious of there love for each other one day they to will be like us . But I long for my life back . I went to my local church today and lit a candle for him. Why does life always kick you in the teeth.
Hi misprint my year anniversary was last week, I felt subdued and sad all day but I think every day carries the same pain and loss nothing changes, you wake up and think here we go again pretend all is ok, so heavy hearted and yes I feel the same when I see couples I know it’s not their fault but what a pig that we don’t have our soulmates too, how can people say to move on, I had forty three lovely years and it cannot all be forgotten in one year but you’re right it’s an expectation that you get over it, I miss so much of our life together, I had a moment yesterday when I walked into our bedroom and momentarily forgot and felt like I did before, happy, and then bang ! I remembered and although painful it was lovely to remember the happiness and contentment of that time and I felt my husband close by, I will think of you tomorrow take care xx
Rant away darling girl, rant away. I howl with grief from time to time.
Love
Nigel
Thank u Mab well I’m got though this awful day I visited his grave at the same time he died one year ago.
Thanks Nigel lots of tears today
Well done for today. At least you have completed the first year of anniversaries., birthdays etc. Another box ticked. Life will always be hard when we lose the love of our lives but we have to enjoy the good moments as and when they come along. That may be a few hours or only minutes but I have learned we must enjoy it because we have more than enough bad times. Raising a glass to you, your Husband would be proud of you… as I am sure he always was
Xx
Hi . So sorry you and all on here have to go through all this pain . Loneliness and heartbreak . Just because we loved our partners so so much . All we wanted was to grow old with them and continue the happy life we had with them . Now we are left with nothing . Just trying to get through each day without them . Hopefully you can get some comfort from the happy memories you and your husband made . That’s all we have to hold on too. And the love we still and always will have for them . Thinking of you and sending a hug . Xtake carex
Mufcab thanks such lovely words I really appreciate it xx
Thank u broken 2222 nice to hear from you again xx
Well done misprint. You have, and still are by the sounds of it, having a bad time. We all seem to hit bad moments at times… and then we get kicked when down. I have really struggled, and people you Expected to be there just disappear. However, I have also had people that have no responsibility or obligation to me, come forward and be my rock. That has helped me so much and I,in turn, have helped them. It has been win win for all of us even though I would swap all of that to have my beautiful Wife back. I hope you get the same luck and things turn in a good way. We ALL know life will never be as good again… ever. But please try to enjoy the good moments, albeit days (hopefully), hours or just minutes. Your Husband, like my beautiful Wife, would want that as we would for them if roles were reversed.
Sleep tight xx
I just want to say I understand. And please do not apologise for sharing how desperate you feel. June July and August are full of anniversaries for me; wedding anniversary, anniversary of when my beloved husband entered a hospice after me nursing him for 3 years (he had Parkinson’s and then cancer); his death on July 9, funeral later in July and today, his birthday. My heart understands your pain. And also the pain of hearing other people’s ‘shoulds’. You will grieve for as long as is right for you and no-one is right to tell you otherwise. I am in my second year and I still identify with everything you feel. I have no family…deal with this on my own…but I have to say my spiritual belief helps me. I am not religious but spiritual. You have had a hard time and moving is stressful regardless of everything else. Nice things will happen to you again. In the meantime continue to let your feelings out. I am sending you love, a hug and positive wishes that those nice things will come soon. Angie xx
I thought the pain I was feeling wasn’t normal ,but reading the comments I know I’m not alone. Elaine
You’re not alone Elaine, you’ve got us now.
xx