Hi
Im finding a lot of people have lost due to Covid.
In a nutshell my wife was in ICU 10 days when they said they were giving up. I didnt want her to go but didnt want her to stay as in my heart i was aware we were on 100% ventilator at 100% output.
My thing i cant get over is that we sat and i held her the doctors came in mob handed and just turned her off, rubbed me and said " This is right and you know it"
I had my time and cuddled her as her heart stopped.
I called them and said shes gone. They came back and said yes she has.
They walked behind the curtain and started exactly the same with the man in the next bed.
By 7pm they had turned the whole row off.
Its like they pick a day and Get rid of the hangers on.
Meet a statistic to hand back ICU or save money, just felt it was the day and not her day.
Me being there or not that ventilator was going off.
I feel i should have fought or protested but i know they were doing it no matter what
Anybody else found this happened on ventilator withdrawal? It felt like a slaughter house.
How awful for you.
That must of been a heartbreaking experience.
My partner was on a ventilator for three weeks before we got the final call to say they could do nothing more for him.
We were, myself and his two children, treated with compassion.
They explained calmly that it was the end of life and gave us time with him before turning all the machines off.
We were asked to wait in a room until they took all the tubes etc out and then once again gave us time to spend with him.
I feel blessed we were allowed those last moments with him however sad the end the final stage was.
I feel for you that your last moments were not desirable.
X
Morning
So sorry for your loss so bloody painful
My husband Andy passed December the 5th
In icu for 12 days when we got the call to go in
Never will I ever get over that
They said he had full organ failure so the best thing to do was switch ventilator off as nothing else they could
Please take care xx
This happened to me and Tim I was called in and asked if the machines could be turned off I said no not when there is hope, an hour later they told me the decision had been taken out of my hands the machines were being turned off, I held the man I love in my arms in the most horrific way I can’t even write it down he passed and the machines were blank I called a doctor who said yes he’s gone and I was left as quite rightly they were helping a lady who was in distress.
I stayed for another half hour feeling lost lonely traumatised until I left by a fire exit.
I am still having nightmares,
Oh my, that truly is awful for you to leave in such a away.
It is constantly round in your head and difficult to block out.
Along with every emotional outburst , it feels like your on a roll or coaster and can’t get off.
Sadly it doesn’t change the outcome.
We.are suffering the sad loss of our loved ones.
Big hug
It makes me so sad to read your stories of how your loved ones were treated. It is shocking. Where was the compassion you should expect in situations like that? I am so sorry you had to go through these awful experiences.
There is often no compassion unfortunately. I know most of the NHS staff are overworked and become non empathetic to our own personal feelings but there are those who just have no idea how to speak to patients or relatives. My husband had stage 3 pancreatic cancer and was re admitted to hospital after a setback. The ward he was on was dirty and the nurses did not seem to be able to answer my questions, and to be honest they didn’t seem to be doing much for him. Then out of the blue a doctor told me he was dying and they would not resuscitate if any problems. I was absolutely distraught… I asked if Ron knew this and the doctor asked if I wanted to tell him. I refused and he said he would send a nurse to do it. Then he left me without offering any sympathy or even a drink. I had to go back to my husband and ask him if nurse had been in to see him and he said No. The next day he phoned me crying and saying a nurse had told him there was nothing for him. I was disgusted as I wasn’t even there. I rushed to the hospital and spoke to the nurse involved but she said he was wrong and it was the morphine affecting him. So I had no idea what to say or do. No one mentioned anything to him again and his pancreatic consultant who had been on holiday told me later that the cancer had not spread. I was haunted for weeks by what that doctor had said. I had no idea if my husband was going to live or die or if one of the doctors was lying to me. He did die but it was months later and in a hospice. I wanted to complain about the terrible communication skills of the hospital but I was too distraught. I could not believe the attitude of that doctor or how he just walked away and left me. No wonder we are left with such nightmares.
At least your loved ones went on the ventilator I was told Ray was too frail to put on a ventilator then told they would not jump up and down on him to bring him back. { These were the actual words they used} my Ray had Parkinson’s and Dementia and I think they had exhausted everything to help him. I was allowed to say goodbye but they had already put him in an unconscious state. So he could not hear or see me . I have so many questions such as was he scared did he know he was going to die. I was not with him when he died and a nurse held his hand instead of me.
That is so sad for you.
I think after someone passes, we all go over things we wished we had said or done.
If only etc .
I constantly wish I had said more , phoned him when he was in the hospital instead of messaging.
Unfortunately, nothing would have changed the outcome for us all.
X
I keep thinking the same questions was Tim scared as they put him into a coma what did they say to convince him as the last words I heard him say to the doctor was I don’t understand as you say I’m doing so well. I’m not sure why I upset myself by thinking these thoughts.
I am sorry for your loss it is an awful time for us a journey we did not ask for,
Thank you It is my one year anniversary next month for both the passing and the funeral. I wasn’t allowed to have him scattered and was hoping to do it this year. But we are getting told we are not allowed to still.
I know exactly how you feel, next month is one year since my husband and best friend died of Covid.
His funeral and cremation just happened to take place on St Georges Day. His ashes are sat here right beside me, I kiss his cask every morning and tell him how much I love and miss him. Maybe I’ll keep him here beside me and come the day, we can both be laid somewhere together, forever.
These stories are utterly tragic & heartbreaking. I had many doubts about my poor husbands journey. Of how he said if he got covid they would let him go as he was old (61). Of my relief when they took him in to hospital, thinking he’ll be looked after now properly. No, I should have kept him here, he might have got through it. The ventilators were meant to be saving everyone, but they do so much damage to organs, heres me thinking that machine will save him. The daily phone calls from the doctors, giving & taking away my hope in equal measure. Wish we had both left this life together. Wish I have told my man how much he meant to me, wish I had told him every single day.
I’m sat here reading your words and feeling the same hurt and yes the tears are starting again. I will never stop thinking did I do the right thing for him. If towards the end they had told me he was not going to get through this I could have had him back home. He wouldn’t have been so lost and lonely, he would have had cuddles and love to keep him strong. Instead he had a ventilator to keep him alive, while his internal organs broke down, needing numerous blood transfusions. When eventually all life support was turned off did he even know I was there? I still feel when he needed me most I couldn’t be there for him.
My heart goes out to you because I know exactly how you are feeling, why do we put blame on ourselves. It’s because we loved them so much. (and still do) xx
Oh Debbie. I am so sorry that your husband’s possessions were incinerated. They should have asked you first if you wished to remove them as I believe it is not possible to incinerate jewellery anyway. ( I take it that is what you mean?) I took all Ron’s rings off and his bracelets and J wear his wedding band. Did they not ask you first if you wanted to keep his personal items even if you mean his toothbrush, his phone whatever? They mean so much to you when someone passes.
