Hi mom
After my counselling yesterday I have taken on the role in after school club and had a chat with my boss which was not as bad as My brain was making out as feeling a little bit more positive love you mom xxx
Hi, mom,
it’s been a long day as it snowed so I went in early. Lesson ob with the class teacher got all my books done and I will be going into after school clud . Xxx
Sorry mom did not chat this morning as it was snowing so I went into work early but then school closed. No after school club. So today has been quiet xxx
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Hi mom
So tired I feel like I could sleep all day I sit down for 5 minutes and hours pass. I’ve just died my hair pink. Let’s see how this goes down at work.
Hi mom
There will never be a day I don’t miss her. Never a day, where I don’t wish I could hear her voice or ask her for advice just one more time. There will never be a moment that I don’t regret all these times you screened her calls or missed her visit, simply because life is just too busy. And now you realize busy is fake, it isn’t real. She was real and she is gone. And you are alone. And the feeling of abandonment and loneliness is huge. Mind-blowing no matter how loved and surrounded by family you may be. None of it is her. When the woman who brought you into this world is no longer here, it is a lonely place. And you are now she. You are now the one expected to guide, to discipline, to love, to handle everything, for everyone. And that is a shock, but you got this. Because she taught you well. she made you right and she made you strong and she fill you with enough love to share around, even after she was gone. So go on. And make her proud, and remember, look out for the little girl who still lives inside you somewhere, she misses her mamma very much. Be kind! Xxx
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Aww Lolla49,
I feel exactly the same. You have written this beautifully.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
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Hi mom
going to work now with pink hair wish me luck. Dont know how the boss is going to take it !!
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Hi, mom it’s been a long day everyone said they liked my hair I’m still not convinced. The class was hard I had to start the mothers day card and I could hear the children practising their songs. Got counselling tomorrow. After school club went well feel tired now hopefully I will sleep tonight. Love you mom xxx
Hi mom
First time I’ve slept more than 2hrs . Got to start mothers day flowers in after school club today as well as card in Reception class. I just feel so guilt. My sister sent me a video of mom in hospital but I couldnt tell her I cant wlatch.So I just thanked her and said ill keep watching her. Going to walk the dog and clear my head for the day xxx miss you so much
Mom I could do with a hug right now. I thought counselling was going well what am I meant to know told me I was too criptive. Told me to make or write a card and take it to the crem on Sunday why would I not do that. Made flowers in after school club glad thats over just got to finish cards in Reception class and mothers day presentation on Thursday. Then I get home start cooking dinner when my partner opens his second can I ask why didnt you offer to see if anyone else wants a drink well the way he stood up and told me I was lazzy and should fetch my own drink I thought I was going to wear the drink. Dinner in silence.
Oh Lolla49,
I am so sorry you are going through all this . Am thinking of you.
When the children make their cards just make one with them and place it next to your mums photo. I am going to get some flowers and put them next to my mums photo and that will make me feel she isn’t left out.
Big hugs and you are not lazy. Anyone who teaches little children are certainly not lazy !!!
Deborah x
Thank you seychelles for listening and your kind words you are a light in the darkness. I am finding it really hard as I always gave my mom the practice card she liked to see what I made with the children. She always looked forward to receiving it with a cup of tea she preferred homemade things even when we were children I think thats why its so hard xxx
Hi mom
Feel like I’ve had no sleep so tired. Just one step forward takes so much energy. No after school club tonight home at normal time.just going to walk the dog and try and clear my head xxx
Hi
Put the practice card by her photo Lolla. I know its not the same but your mum would want you to still do that.
My mum was the same. She always loved handmade cards. I do too. Such a lovely thing to have knowing someone had made it.
Mother’s Day is going to be tough for us all so we are all in this together. I am going to just go for a spin in teh car somewhere and take a flask of coffee.
Thinking of you,
Deborah x
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Hi @Lolla49 this post just made me cry. What wonderful words, and they are exactly how I’m feeling. I hope you’re having a good day today xx
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Hi mom
Finished making cards today and did all the writing inside. I couldn’t wait to get home. I so want to hug my mom right now. My Councillor told me to embrace tomorrow but I just want to run as far away as possible. I am sitting here with my practice card I just can’t seem to write what I want to say mom I miss you lso much xxx
Hi mom
Just walked the dog tring to think positive things but I am now going into panic mode my hands are shaking and I can’t breathe the tears are in full flow my Councillor to me to embrace it but my mind and body just want to stay in bed today. Going to try positive affirmations mine today is I am stronger than my problems I will succeed. Can’t say it looking in a mirror but I am saying it out loud.
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Hi mom
still sitting in my car not wanting to go in to work when out of the corner of my eye I see a child I had 2 years ago standing at the window of my car with the biggest smile and waving at me. That has just melted my heart 
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Aww Lolla49,
This melted my heart too. Children are the most wonderful tonic and are the best people to have around . You are so lucky having the job you have. I hope you have many more wonderful smiles from them today
Keep going as you are doing so so well and the children need you so much
Deborah x
Hi mom made it into work and saw all the lovely mothers day activities for us to do today and that was it massive meltdown I couldn’t do it I sat in the toilet for l10 minutes sobbing my heart out then spent 20 minutes sat in the pastorale room the got told to move so I sat in the kitchen and scrubbed the 2l microwaves it was the longest hour ever. I just want to cry and someone to hold me and tell me Ive got this xxx