I lost my husband in March and returned to work in September (work in a school). My employer has been very understanding and supportive. I work closely with a couple of lovely people who are also friends who have been great, but I can’t shake off the feeling that I don’t want to be there. I get through the day but almost on autopilot and do not look forward to going in any more and my concentration is terrible.
I know you should not make major decisions within the first year but I am thinking of taking early retirement. I feel so different at work now and some people avoid me.
I thought work would help and at first I thought it was. Does anyone else feel like this?
I am trying to ‘get on’ with things as best I can and have things to look forward to with my family but work just isn’t the same anymore.
I feel the same. I lost my husband of 40 years in may. I am due to return next week, but i feel that my whole world has changed and me too is looking into early retirement. I agree that big changes shouldnt happen in first yearbor two but losing my love has shown me that life is precious and being in a place of work where it is not the same anymore is not worth it.
Your right life is precious and working somewhere where it doesn’t feel right anymore is definitely not worth it. Hope all goes well for you!
Feel the same lost my husband February 2023 returned to October , feel ok when I’m going but when I there I get anxious and want to be home x
I couldn’t face going back to work after losing my husband in may, and i have decided I’m not going to, though I’m a long way off retirement, i am having a total rethink on what i need out of life, and I think something new is the way forward. Whichever you choose, I’m sure you will know when it feels right 
Something new is the way forward, I like that and think that is what I need. First step early retirement then take it from there. I want the anxiety about work gone. Thank you for your replies.
@Lou33 im sorry for your loss. I lost my partner in november and i am planning to go back to work in a school like you next week. I know i have supportive friends who have been absolutely fantastic in supporting me since my loss.
I am hoping that being with the children will help me and give me something else to focus on. I guess only time will tell.
Its funny how work is a big part of our lives but if it doesnt feel right then maybe its time for uou to think about what you want out of life as life is so precious as we are well aware from the loss we have gone through.
Sue x
Thank you and so sorry for your loss. Yes I guess I gave it a go and thought it would be the best thing but I can’t see it changing. The children are lovely but I also feel I am letting them down by not been fully focused. My minds just not on the job anymore. I think really deep down I have made the decision it’s just putting it into practice. I hope your return goes well and it works out for you.
Thank you. It is all about moving forward and doing what is right for you. We have all had such a life changing experience with the loss of our partners and life for us has to move on regrettably without the love of our lives.
I hope you are able to put it into practice for the next part of your journey in your life.
I hope i can my return goes well but like pur lives now take each day as it comes.
Morning everyone
I’m in the same position regarding work. I haven’t returned yet since September and I’m trying to give myself as much time as possible to think things through. I dread going back to work and not being able to cope with stress and I’m only a couple of years from my state pension age. But it’s a dilemma between ending another huge part of my life, and finding something else to get me out of bed in the morning.
When i get my early retirement i plan to volunteer at local charity shop. It means getting out of house but not stress or pressure. I need a new direction after my loss.
@Hazell I’ll probably do the same. The other thing I’ve always wanted to do is volunteer with riding for the disabled. There are stables near me and I would really enjoy that. It’s all about finding a way to live with our loss, still having some purpose in life.
I am the exact opposite as I need work to give me a sense of normality and structure, plus connection to the world
I found Xmas excruciating, long days and nights and I couldn’t do that every day. I am fortunate to work from home but can go to the office if I want to.
I am 2 yrs from state pension so if I can I intend to keep on working. I have seen so many of my neighbours who have retired literally become isolated as they can’t motivate themselves to do anything.
Also financially I fear for the future and the way everything is going, up and up so want to make sure I am ok financially and also carry on whilst I have my health.
They are big dilemma’s to face when you are alone but all of us are different in what we want/need
Yes I felt exactly the same as you. I lost my husband Oct 22and returned to work part time in Jan 23. I was due to retire in the March but thought I would work on to give myself a purpose. It was not the same, everything had changed for me and I didn’t feel I belonged there anymore. I had no motivation and although my colleagues and friends were lovely sometimes they just didn’t know what to say to me. I finally made the decision and retired just before Xmas. I don’t know what the future now holds for me but I’m hoping soon I’ll be able to make the next big step of moving home to be nearer to my family. Good luck xx
Hi so sorry you feel this way…iam debating the same it wasn’t a great job and thinking…can i face that place again…awful people trying to be nice i will probably do less hour to keep me ticking over bit early for retirement but feel like i need to.
I lost my partner on 2nd December 23 I’m going back on 5th February. My children think it would give me a purpose to get up and dressed back in a routine. I miss the children and work colleagues have been great but I just still don’t want to go over his death time and time again. I feel I am a different person now from what I’ve just been through it’s traumatic. I have to pay the bills myself now as only one wage coming in and children’s housekeep. I would love to have early retirement but it’s just not possible for me. I hope I can get through it x
I work in a primary school
You are being very brave everyone has there own way of coping its good to have an understanding workplace but my only warning would be dont go back too early…hope everything works out for you ok.
I don’t think I want to yet but when my partner got his diagnosis of Glioblastoma grade 4 inoperable I never left his side. So I didn’t work Sept Oct Nov Dec. I’m so afraid of going back but my boss is going to have a chat before I come back maybe phased return I’m hoping x
I went back to work part time last week after losing my husband in may. I didnt know what to expect but to be honest everyone has just said its nice to see me back etc , not once have i had to say about what happened which i was pleased about.