I lost the love of my life 5 weeks ago due to sudden death , or as the coroners deemed ‘accidental’. This was due to multiple organ failure from a bleed on the brain caused due to a head trauma from a fall. 58yrs old and gone just like that from fall. Im a mess and have been driving myself mad rolling the same things round and round in my head. I talk to her in my head all the time still, but last week i started writing a journal which is essentially describing every day since she passed. I write directly to her as my fear of talking to her in my head is that I’ll start talking out loud in public and breakdown in public. My days are currently long and evenings and nights the worst for me, but every night I write my journal in bed and
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Sorry you’ve had to join this forum. The early weeks are horrendous, we just have to walk through it, as painful as it is.
I started a diary one week after my partner died. I spoke to him every day at the beginning but now probably every couple of days, mainly because I talk to him out loud now, while walking the dog, and feel I’m repeating myself.
Your loss is huge and it takes a lot to function. Taking small steps and not thinking too far ahead, maybe just the next hour, is probably best. However, we are all different, so you need to do what’s right for you.
I’m 3 months in and have found a great network of people on here that have helped me who always listen and I feel heard.
I’m able to live a life, it’s different to the one planned and I still have a lot to face that will be coming up but I’m ok and hopefully you will be too. Just keep talking on here, we are all in the same boat, just different journeys.
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@Leigh2 @Ali29 . I too started a diary, to begin with i wrote in it every day but now i write when i need to. I am 7 weeks into this painful journey, 8 weeks since my husband’s cardiac arrest. You are in shock in the early days and even now i can’t believe he’s not coming back. I am on medication and having counselling. I also subscribed to the Sue Ryder text message service which i have found useful. Take care, be kind to yourself and rest when you need to, you need your strength to cope.
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@Leigh2 @Freefaller @Ali29
Good morning all of you.
So sorry to you all for your losses.
I too write a diary, I’m 9 months 2 days in. I don’t write every day, bit when things happen ( little and big) that I want to tell him about . Both personal and news/ sport that I know he’d be interested in .
It feels good and helps me on my bad days which are getting worse. I’ve written lots these last few weeks.
For me it also has added significance /parallels .
As back in 2016 my husband spent one month in an induced coma (following complete respiratory failure).
I wrote to him every day then so he would know what had happened when he was ‘asleep’. (I never doubted he would wake up from that.)
He never read that diary as it takes time emotionally as well as physically after being in a coma… And so he never actually got round to reading it
I’ve still got it. And read it again myself the other night.
So writing to him now feels very like that to me. 9 months on I still haven’t accepted it’s really true and that he’s not coming back.
Maybe my brain is letting me believe he’s in another coma again, or a very big sleep , and one day he will come back to me again…
First time I’ve thought about it like that. I quite like it.
I know we are all different and deal with our own unique grief in our own unique ways, but maybe that thought could help you.
Your soulmates are just having a big sleep:sleeping:, and one day they will wake up and be with you again 
Hope your days are as reasonable as possible
Hugs all round 
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Thank you all for the support. Its so hard for us all, but hoping in time I will focus more on the happy times than the end. Friends are great but this platform hps a lot as people on here have lived through very similar experiences. Xx
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