i can’t believe this time last year we went to watch the xmas lights/fireworks was a happy family of 5, so content, in love, full of excitement… then tonight me and our girls went alone, stood there watching the fireworks and just cried 
i looked all around me seeing families/couples so happy and i just felt like i was absolutely dying… i don’t think i will ever ever be able to accept this or feel any ‘better’ as time goes on? another horrible time we’ve had to face without shaun! now my birthday next week approaching, waking up on my
35th birthday, a widow, broke and empty and just not feeling i can cope with life anymore 
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It’s a very emotional time of the year isn’t it, it’s my birthday early dec so i understand how you are feeling. I dread it, I loved his cards and the thoughtful gifts. Always so special from your loved one, I’m so sorry that you are facing this so soon after loosing your husband, I hope your children give you some comfort, there is nothing to say that will really help you, but I hope you have bit of birthday joy xx
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I lost my wife in September after 43 years together. It my birthday this month and at the moment I can’t see how I’m going to cope and with Christmas to follow the next few weeks are going to unbearable.
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It’s utter shit but you did it so well done.it’s all those little that are the absolute hardest.
I’m dreading tomorrow as it’ll be the first Sunday footie match since my husband died (he was my sons coach for many years). Last week I was giving him a running commentary between crying knowing it will be the last time.
My sons birthday is next Sunday so dreading that too.
It’s all shit, but you aren’t alone with the shitness xx
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he’s only been gone 10 weeks and there’s been so many firsts, our 20 year anniversary in October, my birthday this month, then Christmas i just feel i’m being tortured over and over… my children are all that’s keeping me going but inside i am absolutely breaking more and more each day? he always made such a fuss of me love him he was the most loving person… i just can’t believe this is now my life… always hurting, worried, scared xx
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@Steve59 its totally unbearable isn’t it? i keep trying to avoid everything/everyone but is impossible, there are constant reminders of the hurt/loss and i can’t ever see this going away? i don’t know how i can even do this for god knows how many years ahead??
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oh @Nori i will literally be thinking of you all of tomorow! i’m so so sorry… i hate it because i know exactly how your feeling right now, i hate we’re having to go through this it’s just so wrong and unfair xx
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My boys are coping incredibly well and feel a huge sense of relief now he’s gone. My eldest is sleeping again and my youngest said he can concentrate at school again as the worst has now happened so he doesn’t have to worry anymore. I spent so much time worrying about them I forgot about how this will hit me. I initially felt relieved and now I just feel so sad…
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I felt just like this. I said it felt like his death was massive earthquake and then all the after shocks that follow and still do. I still have Christmas too navigate although I find I’m dreading new year more. To think 2024 will come and he won’t be a part of it, it’s very surreal! Then January will be his first year mark of his death.
I do find though, the anticipation of the events are worse than the actual event. Every day I miss him the same, it doesn’t matter what day it is. But I am more in control now, I can manage it better and the raw pain is gone and I never thought it would.
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@Nori your boys are absolutely amazing and a huge credit to you. our son is 16 and
coping what i feel “too well” but reading what you just wrote, maybe he’s also feeling relieved his dad is no longer in pain??
i think we put our feelings aside for our kids, but then it hits you… i know it has for me, 10 weeks down the line i’m just completely lost and so alone xx
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@Ali29 i completely agree the build up to an occasion/anniversary is actually so far worse than the actual day? like you said everyday is so so hard! i’m still stuck in the raw pain, i just hope and pray it does get a little gentler in time? because there is no way i can continue with this feeling i’m having right now xx
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Yes, it’s horrific, I even contemplated ending it all because of the pain but I’m glad I didn’t because I have a life to live and it’s ok x
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@Ali29 iv definitely had the thoughts, did this morning… but i know i have my children to think of, they’ve lost one parent i can’t let them lose another… but it’s just so hard to get through each day
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He’s a year older than my eldest. Have you asked him? I asked mine if they felt a sense of relief and I think it helped them knowing it’s ok to feel like that and to validate it xx
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I promise it will get more manageable but just now, you have to walk through it. Just take small steps and all the help you can xx
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There is no answer or let up is there, you can and will get through it one way or another, just bit by bit,I’m so sad for you and completely understand how it feels, take care xx
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You did so well even going tonight 
and every day you get up and sort out your babies xx you should be so proud and I bet Shaun is too, keep swimming lovely we are all here for one another xx
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How did you start to feel you had a life to live I just can’t imagine my life for however many years I have x
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@Scarl34 i hear you…it’s just horrendous…knowing someone loved us unconditionally and then losing them is beyond devastating…I don’t know how people recover but they do, don’t they?
I take my mum a working men’s club on a Saturday night and there are so many widows/widowers and they are up and dancing the night away.
I sit to a man who is 92 and lost his wife 2 years ago and he’s so, so sad and lonely but I found myself feeling jealous he had his soulmate for all those years…I felt terrible for feeling that way as he looks so sad and lost
I wish I didn’t fear death so much but I’m petrified.
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I’m stubborn and don’t want to be miserable I can’t live a life of misery, what’s the point. If my partner is here with me, he would be so disappointed to see me just curled up, giving up on life. I lost my partner suddenly to a cardiac arrest. There one minute gone the next. He was a glass full kind of guy and just loved living. He made the most of every day. I know he would live his life if the roles were reversed.
The early days were so hard, it easy to stop fighting and give up but I could live for many years yet. So I went back to work, I said yes to every invitation. And slowly you get used to them not being here, you get used to life and realise you don’t want to die anymore. I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s exhausting fighting grief every day. But with friends and family, I have a laugh, I enjoy nights out, I have holidays and although it’s not the same as being with him, it’s ok and improving.
If I still felt as I did at the start, what’s the point, what life is that but I have his family and mine that need me and push me to be strong. I’m not always strong, I’m not always smiling and I still cry many tears for him and the life we no longer get to live but ahead of me, for whatever reason is a new life that I’m supposed to live. Out of respect for my partner and with his blessing, I will live it until I can’t or don’t want to. X
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