Year 2

I got through the first year of loosing my husband by trying to make him proud, The grief and sadness was on a level I had never known before. I’m exhausted and I’m back to square 1, I keep looking for him, it’s like he’s left all over again. I can’t see any future, I have good friends and family but I’m struggling to find a reason to keep going.

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Caz, yes I know how hard it is and like you I found the second year more difficult. For me, I was so busy that first year, the days past by and before I could think I had completed a full year but then it hit me. They talk about express trains and it was. It’s difficult to say how I got through but I did and still just getting through. I had no idea about grief or grieving or when it would end. Somedays I could think of a future and then the next, nothing. You are not alone, there’s many more on this site who feel the same, with the same unanswered questions and waiting for our special person to walk through that door. Hang in there because things do improve, small, little things but they all add up. We are always here for you and as I say there are others and I am sure they will also give you love, compassion and lots of invisible hugs.
Take care and try not to worry.
S xxx

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Thank you, it’s a relief to know I’m not only one to feel this way.

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Caz
You are not on your own. Just over 1 year ago my Lewis went out for a 10 minute job and didn’t come home, it was so unexpected at the age of 55. I know what you mean the long it goes on the harder it gets. I talk with him every day and night and l still ask him why. I haven’t keep going for our girls.l have tried for 12 months to get my young daughter help, she just hard her first session on Tuesday. Just know that we will be thinking about you at this hard time.

I’m not as far on as you but I keep expecting / wanting my husband to just walk in through the door. Everything is still as he left it. It’s been my son’s birthday today and I am heartbroken that his dad isn’t here for him. I don’t see how my life can hold any joy any more. It is so cruel.

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this pain is gut wrenching…

Thank you, it really does help to hear the experiences of others coping with similar emotions. Grief is hard to explain to people that haven’t gone through it. I have stopped trying and just nod when people tell me how amazing I am (if only they knew). Hoping for brighter days ahead.

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It’s all consuming and exhausting. Birthdays are meant to be happy occasions, so hard to put a smile on your face when your world has fallen apart.x

Totally, no escape.

When tackling difficult times, it seems reasonable to keep on getting through each day because usually there is an end point, something to aim for, a time when you know whatever it is will be over. What I’m finding so hard is that ever day is an effort to get through with no end point and potentially thousands of days like this. I feel more exhausted now than I did at the beginning so how can I get through more days without any end to it?

Hi Jules4,

Last week it was two and a half years for me. I came across this little poem which to me sums things up:

Death changes everything!
Time changes nothing
I still miss the sound of your voice
The wisdom in your advice
The stories of your life
and just being in your presence.
So, no, time changes nothing
I miss you as much today
as the day you died
I JUST MISS YOU

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this poem is spot on.
but its message is depressing.
I’m 3 month in this grief. Seems the future is bleak.

Hi luckystarhongkong,

Yes you’re right, it is depressing looking ahead, especially as it is so soon for you. What I will say is I miss my husband like crazy and always will. There are spells in my sad days though that I smile at my children and grandchildren (without having to put my fake face on) and times when I laugh at something they might say about their dad. I still have very sad days (most days) but it seems that although I will miss him forever, there are chinks of light in the future. My life has certainly changed so much after being with him for 47 years, but I am hoping for brighter days. Sadly though, it seems like we have to go through a lot of anguish and grief. My thoughts are with you xx

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Hi Caz. I too am in year 2 and am finding much harder than year 1. I think people expect more of you and it’s hard doing things you find difficult. I feel that he’s just left again, like you, Have been doing crazy things like moving all the furniture around and that sort of thing. Am also not good with the light evenings, used to love them, but now just want to close the curtains and curl up under a blanket.
Take care, this is a lovely group of souls xx

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You have nailed exactly how I’m feeling.

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It has come as a complete surprise/shock to discover how much more I am missing him now than a year ago. I did not think that possible.

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Thank you for your kind words, it’s such a relief to admit how I feel and not have to but on my brave face.

What a beautifully poignant poem :sparkling_heart:

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I think the only way to get through dark days is to share the emotions with people that understand and don’t try and cheer you up. Grief is one of the painful parts of deep love. I hope your daughter benefits from having someone to talk to. Your important too, we tend to put others before ourselves.

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