5 weeks ago my husband died in my arm’s.
I know everyone here is eaten up with grief, its the worst feeling. Im at a loss, what is next. Ive had the most beautiful chapter, and I’m blessed to have had that. I have a whole life ahead without him, im just waiting for him to walk back through the door. Berate him for not calling and where has he been, why havent you called me.
Its so heavy, and crushing.
There is no pause button.
Its like, just hold on a second, i need to touch your face again and hold your hand again, have that after work glass of wine and plan our weekend or impromptu midweek outing.
Where have you gone?
Whats next bubs. X
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@Marco2023 life is so unfair. I lost my husband to cancer 20 weeks ago. Like you I feel robbed and cheated of the future we should have had. Sending hugs.
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I still have that ‘waiting’ feeling… Waiting for him to walk through the door, to phone. I realised that I was online shopping every other day because the arrival of a parcel took away a bit of the ‘waiting’ feeling but that didnt last long and my credit card was maxing out! Learned a lesson there. Grief is exhausting and the only person who can help is the one who literally not here to help. I’m so sorry for what you’re feeling and I wish there was a magic wand to make us all feel better. Take care of yourself though.
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Thanks for replying. `I hope that you’ve managed to hold back on the shopping, and I know what you mean. I was shopping as a way to keep busy, away from work. At home, when alone. I’m finding myself struggling with what’s next and if I don’t change anything nothing will change, I’ll be forever trapped in this grey cloud, or grey mood. I want my light back, I’m missing him, I feel numb, I feel sad, it all feels so heavy. I wake in the night, like now, 4am with a heavy chest like someone is sitting on it. I have our dog on the bed, cuddled up, he brings comfort. Death is life, is not, that’s what happens and I accept that, I just dint know how to navigate it! Take care of you x
I’m sorry for your loss too. I accept my loss, but struggling to navigate this bit, what’s next. How are you doing? Hugs back x
@Marco2023 almost 25 weeks on this journey now. I have some better days and the tears are less than they were. I’m not sure I will ever get used to the loneliness and the gaping hole in my life without my husband. But I’m learning to live with it. Trying to create some sort of life going forward and hope to feel joy with the world again. I hope you are finding things improving for you. It’s just one hour, one day at a time but take comfort that it does get less all consuming and somehow we find the strength to carry on.
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