I lost my partner at the end of october from a completely unexpected massive heart attack. I have been in hospital with severe anxiety & depression since new years eve & have just today returned home, I’m feeling frightened & alone. Suddenly been out of hospital has brought back to me my partners death, is there anyone out there who has any words of comfort ?
I’m very sorry for the loss of your partner. I also lost my partner suddenly in May to a heart attack he was only 48. Please get as much support as you can we all understand your grief on this site. This site has been a help to me. When it’s so sudden it’s such a shock I wish I could say it gets easier with time but I am learning to live with it. Everybody deals with grief differently please keep posting on this site.
Hi, I’m not sure I have any words of comfort as such but you are here on the forum which I find has offered me a start in feeling a little better by knowing there are so many out there who feel the same. There are some lovely, wise souls on here who have been very helpful.
I lost my husband on the 6th of October following a hideous battle with Leukaemia. I never thought I’d find myself a widow at 51! It’s crap on the grandest scale for sure.
I’m so very sorry you find yourself in the same position. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
You will probably have had counselling because of your hospital admission so I imagine you know about that. I have found the hospice where I live offers a bereavement counselling service and I knew early in December that I was ‘sinking’ so I made contact and have had a few sessions to help. They’ve been a lifeline, literally.
I was experiencing a lot of panic attacks and they have subsided now to only occasional. That is a great relief as you would agree.
Have you got a family or friends to support you? My friends have kept me going.
I have found that trying to keep busy and occupied helps, which is a common thread here. There is no getting away from the grief and the fear but I try to think that it’s completely natural and to be expected. I think if you try and think of your emotions as natural,and try to ride through it it helps.
I’ve also found that exercise everyday is helping too. I’m not known for it! It gives you a little bit of endorphins so I think that’s why.
I hope you can get some help and support. X
Reading the posts on here helped me and I hope that they might help you too.
You have had so much to cope with in a short time. First the sudden loss of your partner and then a long stay in hospital on your own with severe anxiety and depression. I recognise this from my mum who lost my dad two years ago. They had been together for more than 60 years and the loss effected her so much that she became very anxious and depressed. She also had lots of physical problems and was afraid to go outside. We had always expected her to die first because we dd not think she would manage to live on her own without him, but she did. It was not easy, and I understand that it will not be easy for you.
What used to help her when she was scared and lonely and I spoke with her on the phone was to remind her of all the times she had been anxious about things before that never actually happened, and to think of what Dad would say to her at that moment. She found the nights the most difficult because she had difficulty sleeping and sometimes had bad dreams. Her grandson made a playlist for her with relaxing music she could listen to, and she would often have the radio on. She also left a little light on at night. Her GP was very helpful too, and arranged some home care for her, and later on visits from a mental health team. She also had one of those alarms she could wear around her neck or wrist that she could press if there ever was a problem.
I hope that you too will be able to get support from people around you, either friends and family, or volunteers.
A big hug and lots of love,
Hello. I do so feel for you, losing your partner is just about the worst thing. You are obviously suffering big time at the moment. I lost my husband in November. Different to you as it was a long drawn out nightmare. I watched him slowly die and held him as he passed away. From reading these posts I can see that it doesn’t matter how how your loved one leaves you it’s still so very painful. We all handle it differently but I agree keep busy, try to get on with what has to be done, don’t sit around too much and when the grief becomes too much, accept that it’s time to grieve. Have a good cry. Many of us keep our loved ones very much alive in our hearts. We write letters to them everyday, talk to them, some have photo’s of them around the house, some of us join clubs and want company, some prefer to be more solitary… Whatever feels right for you, go with it. It’s so painful and you will have to somehow find all the strength you can. We all understand, so join in with us. Pore out your pain and frustrations. Good luck.
Thank you for your response. I too am very sorry to hear of the death of your partner, particularly as he was only 48. That’s no age to die, my partner had just turned 74 in September - a good bit older than me. You’re so right about the shock, it all happened so quickly - good for my partner but not so for me. I hope I can offer you consolation through being a kindred spirit in the face of such devastating loss.
Dear Pattidot, thank you for your reply. I too am sorry to hear of your loss in November. It’s very touching & poignant that you held your partner as he died. He died the very best way - to be held by your nearest & dearest
But you’re right, however our loved ones leave us it’s painful. I’ll try to keep busy as you & my friends have suggested. It’s all too easy to just sit in front of the tv or do quizzword books. Wishing you well & warmth & good nourishment. Terri x
Dear Jo64, thank you for your reply. I too am sorry to hear of your fathers loss & the suffering your mum has gone through. It truly is the most difficult thing to deal with & having people like you to talk to does help. Tonight’s my first night out of hospital so it’s all a bit surreal. Thanx for the tips you’ve shared- it does help. Lots of love Coombe x
Dear Belladoo, thank you for your reply. I too am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband in October. You’re right, it’s really an awful position to be in, to be the one who’s left behind. Thanx for the tips you share. I’m pleased that your anxiety has settled down some. I don’t have much family close, & I don’t have the largest nerwork of friends either. But I have to treat myself gently & the tip about exercise is great, I find I get twitchy legs if I don’t get out for a walk daily. I’m so pleased to have found this site, I think you’re right about it being a big help. Hugs & love Terri(Coombe) x
Hi,just wondering how you were getting on since coming home?It is such a difficult time for us isn’t it,I ache with the pain of losing my lovely husband Roy.Thinking of you,Corinna xx