Thank you so much. I’m all teary reading your heartfelt post. Such beautiful words have given me hope and inspiration to keep fighting on. I am almost 10 months in and hoping to achieve what you have in my 12th month.
Best wishes to you xx
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Hi @Angel1309 I am glad that my post has given you some hope - it’s just heartbreaking that we even find ourselves in this strange new life that we didn’t ask for.
I would like to hear about your progress as you, like I, keep fighting and learning to live alongside our grief and love for our person.
Wishing you peace, love and light xx Rachael
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Hi Rachael It’s so heartbreaking to be on this horribly lonely journey without our love ones. I miss my angel so terribly but will keep on learning how to live this new strange life without him in the hope that it will get better someday.
I will certainly write more with my hopefully gradual progress.
Thank you for your kindness.
Please take good care, very best wishes xx
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Wow, your post has had me crying, bless you as its exactly how I felt and still feel, thank you for sharing. Its 3 years and 66 days since loosing my hubby to an 8 year battle with cancer, my best friend and soul mate, also our darling beautiful daughters lost there amazing dad.
Miss my hubby every second of every day. Groef does not go away, you just find ways through, even though your life will never be the same. If you have a good support with family/ friends then thats hugley. But sadly not everyone has that.
People around can change and you can loose ones that you though would stay by side.
Anyway, thank you 
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Over 2 years 3 months for me . You are so right when you say about people you thought cared vanish . They will all find out one day Wont they just !! It Would have been my darling girls 66 th birthday tomorrow rain forecast but it wont stop me taking flowers to were i scattered her ashes at a country park a bit of a trek and a bit muddy but I would have gone through hell and high water for her so a little rain wont stop me !! All the best to you x
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@Facey I’m sorry my post has made you cry, but more sorry that you too have lost your love, your person xx
You are so right in that grief shows you who your friends are. My contact list has shrunk so much, but I am blessed to have true friends - the ones who are here for me whatever lives brings, as I am for them. The world would be a darker place without them.
And yes our grief will never leave us, but we find a way to live alongside it. I miss my husband with every heartbeat and our love is what continues to give me strength.
Love and light to you xx Rachael
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Thank you, all the best to you too. Apologies for spelling errors, thought I had double checked.
As you say, go to graveside come rain, sunshine, whatever the weather🙂
Feel for everyone. Always keep strong, that is what our beloved loved ones would want for ourselves and for them❤
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@Jeff007 I hope you find moments of peace, joy and have wonderful memories of your wife’s previous birthdays.
It’s so important that we mark our loved ones birthdays. I just find it so sad that many of my husband’s friends don’t acknowledge him, or speak his name - I know it’s hard for them too but it breaks my heart as Chris existed, he lived, loved and laughed.
I am, however, grateful to those who continue to share his stories, how he made people laugh and that he will continue to live on through our shared memories.
Rachael x
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Absolutely they will never die as long as they are remembered . Strength to us all x
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Hi cooki sorry for your lost we all going through same pain we have to be strong take care
Thank you posting this, your courage is so good to see. My husband Mat died totally unexpectedly last July, we had been together for 20 years married for 10. I keep trying to get on top of it, but every day feels like a big hill to climb, sometimes I do it with gusto, but sometimes it’s just too much to do every day, I am so trying to do my best and plan good things but man it’s hard
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@Helen-13 It is hard, I think the hardest thing ever and nobody understands the pain and heartbreak like we do, but how I wish that none of us had lost our person and feels such grief.
I’m truly sorry your husband died.
I like how you compare it to climbing a hill - some days we get to the top with minimal effort and others take one step and slide back down as it’s just too much.
All I can hope is that the more we keep trying we find some calm and the lighter days outweigh the dark.
Sending you the biggest of hugs and wishes for tranquility xx Rachael
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Helel losy my darling wife 6 weeks ago inside pain is so unbearable miss her so much god knows what the future holds take care
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Im so sorry 
for your loss. On reading your story i feel im reading about myself and my husband who sadly 2.5 years ago passed of small cell lung cancer
32 years together we met when i was 17
The absolute love of my life
Similar to you returning to work to fill a day but ive no interest anymore
Although life has a little got easier. The pain when my mind allows is like a hammer blow. Then reality hits and ive to remind myself my husband is never going to walk through the door ever…
I also had counselling which drained me completely. Ive felt so alone with nobody to meet for a chat/coffee
Its very difficult
But im glad we can write here how we feel
Take care 
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@Ali21 I’m so sorry that you too have lost the love of your life.
It’s heartbreaking isn’t it to no longer have that one person who made everything in the world seem right - I felt invincible with Chris at my side.
I’m now approaching 17 months on my own, and yes I seem to be managing better but how I wish I could go back to the life I loved. It was a life full of love and laughter.
As you say it’s when reality strikes and it hits hard that our person is not going to walk through the door, never going to hold my hand or give me a smile that used to light up my world.
I’m glad I had counselling as it helped to talk to someone impartial about the horrors inside my head, but now I manage with the support of my friends.
Most things I do alone and can spend long periods of time without face to face conversation. It’s that which is still hard to cope with still.
I’m glad that we can reach out to each other on here. I’m friends with a group of people I met on here and my world would be much darker without them.
Keep posting, keep talking about you and your husband, and know that there’s always someone here who understands how it is to live a life that wasn’t asked for.
Love and light to you xx Rachael
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I am sorry counselling drained you.
The Sue Ryder counselling isn’t draining but empowering. I have been lucky. I have spent ages trying to find some things that work.
I had found things falling a bit more into place but horrid days after 15 months.
It felt terrible on some days last year and fog minded.
I am getting bit more used to it. The sun came out just now.
Been trying to work on stress and anxiety.
Gave my husband’s overcoat away yesterday to the charity shop as he never wore it anyway.
Tried it on one last time to say goodbye. Now been wondering who if anyone walking about in it. Hope they keeping warm. While still cold now.
Was taking up too much space.
That felt like a milestone.
Looked at his stuff again will try on his shirts think. All these trousers he got to go to people’s funerals.
Nuts as hardly ever worn. He just looked the part at the time.
My father was the same.
Loads unworn altered stuff he never wore.
Guess they liked owning lots to make up for when had nothing. I will try to decide what is next to part with.
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I feel for all here . I made my trek in the rain to the country park . Where my wife’s ashes are scattered in the stream . Very wet and plenty of mud and definitely not for the casual walker . Her birthday today so nothing was going to keep me away . After 2 years 3 months put flowers in the usual place then just burst into tears cryed like a baby . Like your man she was my absolute world and just go’s to show the grief is never very far away . All the best to you all x
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My husband died a year gone Wednesday - I was prepared -chose to go to work keep busy. I want to remember good anniversaries birthday wedding. Not the day he left . Married 41 yrs when he died and known him since I was a toddler. Today went to see family and ended up in tears talking about memories same ones that made me smile in the week. Grief is strange sweeps over you when you least expect it. We owe it to them to keep positive.
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Cooki was married 47 years grief is hard to bear
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That is a cute teddy really unusual.
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