16 months on & I still can’t visualise my future

Dear Bunny88

Never a truer word. My brother married young and had a family fairly quickly. I remember my mam being excluded to the point that sometimes she would come home from a visit crying. My husband was one of three boys so when I had our kids I vowed that I would not exclude my mother-in-law in that way. I think we did well for the most part - she could be a difficult woman on occasions - but we always tried to include her.

I am sorry that the relationship with your husband’s children appears to have changed. I hope at some point in the future they reach out to you and re-establish that relationship.

Take care.

Hello Sheila, I read all this thread aghast for you. Your sons sound a bit like man children despite what I am sure was a very good and privileged upbringing. Your youngest is older than me but I am also appalled by their behaviour. It sounds like they may think they are including you by sending you the photos when really that is rubbing salt in the wound and a superficial contact.

I think it’s a shame you will have to pretend to be ill and miss seeing your grandchild who cheers you up but yes I don’t know what you can do…

Maybe you could write them a letter to explain how their actions make you feel. You express yourself very well in writing and it gives them chance to absorb fully the information. Then the ball would be in their court and they could not claim ignorance and there is a chance the situation could improve for all of you if they stop being numbskulls… Just an idea but either way I think you are a very strong lady and I am glad you won’t let this situation continue.

I’m sure your sons love you and its not just about the inheritance but people (I was going to say men but I know plenty of thick women too) can be really dumb sometimes because they are so wrapped up in themselves.

I hope one way or another you get chance to get this off your chest to your satisfaction as being taken for granted is a horrid feeling. If you do have to cut them off from your will then I hope you will find a satisfying flourish of some kind though, it could be fun thinking of the hijinks you could get up to and then send them a photograph of one day!!
Take care.

Dear Sheila
You are far from being a fool, don’t be so hard on yourself. A fool would accept the breadcrumbs they receive & keep quiet. You have a voice & are using it. I really admire your strength. You are your priority now.

I sometimes think the trying to be ‘positive’, I was always a glass half full person and so on is like a millstone round my neck. It’s in our culture this upbeat stuff to ‘fix’ things. I have decided to just feel what I feel and to hell with this relentless spin on positivity. If that’s all it took we’d be laughing right? I came across a quote from Shakespeare (I write down any little snippets which I find anywhere).
’ Everyone can master grief but he that has it’. It’s tough, it’s hard so let’s not beat ourselves up that we are not doing better in any given moment, things shift and change all the time.

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Sheila I really like the sound of your plan. Maybe you could even join one of those Slimming World groups to potentially make some new friends on the way too and share ideas. After hardly eating for five months and so losing almost 3 stone I am now finding I comfort eat a lot too until I feel sick and start putting it on again so even though I am not usually a joiner my therapist suggested that could be a way to get back on track with eating in a sustainable way whilst also meeting people. I’m not sure if I have the guts for that yet but maybe in the future. She also offered to hypnotise me to stop binge eating but that’s another story!!

Good luck and I look forward to hearing more and hope lock down easing will help you.