Advice Pls - "friend" (warning: long and boring)

Please stop interacting with her. You have tried your best when you were deeply in your grief and suffering; to help her. She may have done some things for you, but as I have a nasty suspicious mind; maybe she thought she had to do that to keep you ‘hooked’.
You deserve better, you need to care for yourself. She has her parents. I’m not sure I would believe what she says about her situation, as she seems to have changed her story about things.
Please just concentrate on you, and have contact with people who truly care. Very best wishes to you

Hi everyone,
didn’t realise so many other people have been or going through experiences like this.
I also lost my husband in December. Long story short - he was undiagnosed with MND & dementia & was also Bipolar and when in “off” mode relied on alcohol.
I had a friend who became closer throughout his last 2 yrs and I thought she too was bring supportive ( looking back it was all about her).
Short version from the years of our friendship ( several of us met at an upbeat choir) She was always clingy but I thought nothing Much of it. She always sends selfies looking for praise ( she’s in her early 70s). I now realise she had narcissistic tendencies.
She up until recently sent me txts daily asking how I was but she spends her life on fb & Internet ( she needs attention). She was always saying I’m here fit you !!! But where was she when I needed her most ??? My other friends in our small group have been amazing supporting me - walking - outside coffees which my friend doesn’t do - it would be too cold for her or her hair would get wasted. She also said a few unkind things about my husband when he was alive.
She recently was pestering me to go for lunch once she was allowed to go to hairdressers but I wasn’t ready as she is such a negative moaning person. I have been meeting up outside with other friends & we’ve arranged a short trip away. They’re caring , supportive & more like me. This other “ friend” has been referring to us as best friends and sending me txts asking why I’m not chatting with her - what’s wrong? Am I OK? She has never once picked up the phone. I realise she is caustic and I’ve sent her 2 kind msgs more or less telling her I need space to grieve /adjust to life without my husband and that we will meet up socially in our larger group. If I say any more to her I will end up being blunt & don’t want it to come to that but don’t want /need her in my life anymore . I also lost 2 if my closest friend and my father within 3 months last year ( my husband 6 mths later). But still she asks me what is wrong with me?
Sorry for long pist which kind of hijacjed someone else’s but I’m nit very good with posts.
This has helped me so much typing this out .


Cor blimey………you do not need her or her childish and selfish exploits in your life.


Hi Fleur,

Your very telling post pointed out that she has not been supportive of you at all.

I also hasn’t have a friend like this, I know not too overly rely on but just see occasionally for a drink because she is good fun but can’t see others suffering unless it relates to herself.

I would even go so far as to say this person might be narcissistic. Have you asked yourself what pleasure you have in the friendship?

It might be an idea just to not reply then things will eventually peter out. I personally don’t think it’s worth pointing out her shortcomings, she would hear it any way.

All the best, hugs xx Mx

1 Like

I’ve only just caught up with your thread .
I agree 100% with the consensus of opinion running through this topic.

Although I HATE like all of us,being asked if we’re “moving on” In the context of this suffocating friend I would say,
Move on from her and you can then
Move *with your grief

I have some good friends ,Hearts of gold
But they’re suffocating me
Now lockdowns easing I’m being pressured to go stay with them,
we’ve got plans they say,we can do this/that/go here/there.
It’s like I’m now their pet project.
They have stuck by me and I won’t fall out with them,so I tell them I’m not ready yet Eventually I’ll give in but only when I can face it.

My Venetia had a saying
“Friends You Choose
Family you’m stuck with”

Mick x


Hi Fleur

I read your post from start to finish and just could not believe how your friend was behaving. She started off very badly and desended further the longer you had known her (in truth I would have got rid at the birthday comment).

I’m so pleased that everyone is off the same mind, just get rid. All she will do is suck the strength from you, at a time you need the support true friends.

Best wishes