Hi I was wondering if anyone has any information I lost my brother 19 of January 2021 he was 57 he had been staying with me at the Christmas as he was getting a bungalow we both suffer from anxiety and depressing due to the loss of our parents my brother was a diabetic and had health problems he didn’t have any insurance so they was no money for a funeral the dwp help but I had to find £900 towards it I got a lend and I got a lend to buy flowers he always wanted to be put in with his grandfather witch passed away before I was born he worked down the Maine but he passed away with black lung I received my brother’s ashes I rang the bereavement services and it said I would have to pay the council £248 but I couldn’t put any pots or things on the grave unless I paid£700 for my grandfather plot Im devastated I can’t afford to put my brother’s ashes with his grandfather I’ve just ended up paying back the£900 I got a lend of I couldn’t afford live I needed to pay that money back now I haven’t got that option now dose anyone no if I could get any help or information from anywhere I would be grateful I miss him so much I just want to do the right thing I can’t eat I’ve lost most of my hair I really wish I could of help him he was the only one that cared for me even though he needed looking after I just wish he could have got his medication but he needed a review I think that was wrong if anyone can please give me any information I would be very grateful
Regards poppy
Hi @Poppyp,
That is simply devastating to read, so I have no idea how you are going to cope with it?
Perhaps you could contact the National Coal Board for help? They still exist. And also the Miner’s Union? I remember both of them, because my grandfather was a miner and he also died of cancer.
Margaret Thatcher and her determination to conquer Arthur Scargill cost the UK a fortune - I’m Scottish, and did the same thing to us by closing down Ravenscraig. She’s the reason why the SNP now rule Scotland, despite all the stuff that’s come out about Alex Salmond. Both were good politicians, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to ruin people’s lives…
I am really sorry for you. If I could I’ld send you some money now. I am not skint, but I am struggling to cope with the devastation of the death of my husband. He had cancer, but a different type, in his brain.
So I’m sending you some love instead, and hoping and praying that you get some help to pay off these ludicrous loans from the DWP. I think that the National Coal Board should take responsibility, they will try to shirk it. I can send you a draft letter if that would help.
You are not alone. You shouldn’t have to cope with this alone.
Christie xxx
Thanks you Christine I’m really sorry to hear about your husband I tried to get help from the dwp but they put money towards they funeral I had to find £900 but I thought his ashes would be put in with his grandfather but you have to pay that your self my grandfather work down the coal mine since he was 15 my nana past away in 1990 she used to get a pit pension I didn’t now my grandfather and my not very good at explaining myself I don’t know anything about the coal mine I will try and Google it thank you very much for taking the time to right back to me thinking of you 
@Poppyp I’m really so hear about your brother. It sounds really difficult not being able to follow his wishes. I was wondering if you’ve contacted Citizens Advice to find out some information about what support you’re entitled to? You can find a bit more information about how to get in touch with them over on their website - https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
You could also try reaching out to Cruse, they have a helpline and email support if you wanted to get in touch to ask them a few questions about what you’ve shared here. They are experts and will be able to provide you with the information you’re looking for - https://www.cruse.org.uk/how-can-cruse-support-me
You may also find this topic on the community useful to read through as other members have shared their experiences arranging funerals and the costs involved - How did you cope with funeral costs?
I hope these are helpful, keep us updated with how it goes 
Thank you very much for getting back I will try to see if I can get iñtoch with the information you have given me once again thank you 
Hi Poppy
When my husband died I wanted to have his ashes scattered in his Grandparents grave and I contacted the local bereavement services. It cost me about £80 to have this done and a section of the grave was taken up and the ashes scattered. I also cannot put a plaque or headstone unless I actually buy the grave for nearly £700 but I do have a vase where I can put flowers. I would double check that you have understood or been given the correct information. I agree if you get no suitable response contact the CAB for help.
Good luck to you.
Just to add that it’s possible one of the leaders of the churches still open in the pit village area may be able to offer advice and a possible solution for you. I do hope so…never give up hope, sending love & strength xx
Hi @Poppyp
I have a neighbour who works for the National Coal Board. He’s away during the week but I’ll ask his wife if she could find out if you can get any help from them.
Here is the link to the Miners Union: http://num.org.uk. I am fairly sure that if you get in touch with them and explain your circumstances that they will find a way of helping you.
I have replied to your DM - I’m sorry, I’m in a whirlwind of activity here, trying to get my husband’s will sorted out and at the same time moving house.
Love,
Christie xxx
Sorry to hear about your husband it’s really kind of you to take the time for me Thanks very much for your help I will try to see if I can get any help with the link once again thank you xx❤️
So very much for you to be coping with, I’m so sorry for your devastating losses. You may find the citizens advice bureau (CAB) are able to give you advice. Also some solicitors offer a free 30 minute consultation, they may be able to help in terms of any of the legal issues you need to sadly sort out relating to your brothers finances. Sending love and strength x
Rach thanks you for your advice I will try I’m not very good talking to people on the phone it would have been my mother’s birthday tomorrow my mental health is really bad at the moment a woman used to call me but in January she left a man rang me and said he was a colleague and I would be talking to him now but I haven’t heard from him since January most of my hair has falling out a doctor was trying to refer me to someone but that doctor left and I haven’t heard anything else about that I really just wish I wasn’t hear I really can’t deal with any of this I really only had my brother that cared for me and tried to look out for my I feel bad as I have no energy and I can’t sort things out for myself I cry as soon as I go to bed then can’t sleep then most of the day I keep blaming myself I really can’t cope
@Poppyp I’m hearing how much you’re struggling at the moment and I can hear how difficult this is all feeling which is understandable to be feeling. You’ve been really brave to share how you’re feeling here, that isn’t easy to do.
I’m also sorry to hear the support you were getting has stopped since January. Do you have an email for the organisation that was meant to be giving you regular calls? How did you get on reaching out to some of the organisations I linked you to last week?
You mentioned it’s your mother’s birthday today, I’m thinking of you. Do keep posting here whenever you’d like to talk, we’re all here for you 
Thank you for your kind message my doctor got the woman to call me I’m now sure ware she was from the doctor that was helping me with all my hair loss and getting help with my mental health she has also left I got some information from really nice people on hear about getting help getting my brother’s ashes in with my grandfather but the national coal mining service they couldn’t help I tried to get a budget loan about a week ago they can’t help I also tried the bereavement service but they could not help I don’t know what else I can do I would like everyone on hear for all the help and kind words I’m really glad I found this site I feel alone all the time but I like to look on hear as didn’t no who to contact even though it didn’t work out I was glad people tried to help xx
Hi Poppy, I truly am sorry you are really suffering my heart goes out to you. I wonder if you could possibly start a thread asking if anyone on this site lives near you. Now restrictions have lifted a bit maybe you’d be able to connect with someone in a similar situation. I tragically lost my son suddenly last June & through a local charity have connected with other bereaved mothers. In addition I connected & private message with 2 wonderful bereaved mums on this site. It truly helps with loneliness. Your GP should be able to signpost you to support, I know it’s hard but keep going, keep trying, keep seeking help from your GP.
I really hope your mums birthday was as manageable for you as possible. Sending you strength and hugs xx
Thanks very much for your kind wishes I was speeking to a nice woman on hear she give me her number but she is In a Bit pain at the moment so i haven’t rang her I’ve been in contact with the go about my hair but I still haven’t heard anything about my hair or mental health I just stay in the house I haven’t got any friends anyone hopefully my GP will help soon thanks again for getting intoch xx
You have friends here. I will have another think about how we can help you. I’ll try to get back to you this afternoon. I also had alopecia - the first time I was just 5. I lost all my curly blonde locks and turned into a brunette. I looked so different, it was hard to cope with. I’ve had it again and again over the years - I have sensitive skin prone to itching, but it’s also caused by stress. Fortunately I’ve never lost all my hair again.
Have you asked for a referral to your community mental health team? You should be able to get that instantly. If you’re having difficulties, try calling MIND’s national helpline: 0300 123 3393. There should be a local MIND branch near you and they will help you get in touch with them. Alas the helpline isn’t open today, but it will be tomorrow. It’s free. It’s a charity that is independent of the NHS.
Throughout the UK, the NHS simply doesn’t have enough GPs, and mental health services have been starved for years. I live in a rural area where GPs etc., are relatively easy to access, but I know that it’s not the same everywhere.
Your friend Christie xxx
Thank you very much I’m really grateful that you are thare to help me I’ve Hurd of mind before I will give the a call tomorrow I’m still waiting for a refurel for my hair but since that doctor left I haven’t heard anything when I did speek to a doctor they said she would look it up that was the beginning of February I haven’t heard anything just like my mental health new worker I sold his I lost my brother and was having problems but nothing I’ve been still trying to get help for my brother to be put with his grandfather but the national coal mine can’t help with the cost of his plot me past with black lung due to working down the mines I’ve hit a end again !
thanks Christine and to all you lovely people xxI MG_20210326_091112|375x500
This is off about a month or two at the most I had really thick hair it really got me down I now it’s depression that makes me not want to be hear😔
Hi Poppy,
Sometimes our physical appearance allows the outside world to see the torment going on within us. I wonder if you may seek help and support from an Initial Response Team.
You can talk to a team without referral and they will provide advice.
Initial Response Team for Gateshead, South of Tyne and Wearside
0303 123 1145
Initial Response Team for Northumberland or North Tyneside
0303 123 1146
Please know that you have many friends within this online community. Keep posting and we will listen. Stay safe, xx