“…at least you have all those happy memories”…a well used phrase from people trying to be helpful and supportive. I’ve had this for 2 years now since I lost my soulmate…and it’s always wound me up. So I started thinking about why it winds me up and realised that those saying this platitude have no conception of what grief is really like…that’s not to say they have never suffered loss as many have. So after more thought I came to the conclusion that " happy memories" are just that for the majority of loss…I have had more than my fair share of losing people over the last few years…and remembering those close associates and relatives in happier times does make me smile. Yet when I think about the very many memories of my 50 years with my soulmate Sandie…every one is like a dagger through my heart…there is a difference and I have no answer…those memories are just a devastating reminder of what can no longer be…of a special loss…definitely NOT memories that make me feel happy…just the way I feel …until you suffer this ultimate loss, you cannot know… memories of happy times are not always happy …they are incredibly hard 
Hi @UnityMan . I know exactly what you mean , its over three years for me , and the memories we shared with our partners ,are of course very special ,but they bring a lot of sadness ,knowing we will never make anymore memories together , and be able to remember and talk and laugh about those memories with our partner . They arent just my memories , they are OUR memories we made together and now theres a bittersweetness when we think of them
xtake carex
I am so grateful for the wonderful memories of our fantastic life together. None of it would have happened without my husband, a very special man. I am blessed to have been his sidekick for nearly 26 years, 24/7/365. It was a great ride.
I am mournful that my husband is now a memory.
Hugs.
all memories should make you happy, you woldnt have done any it without the person you lost. ok they wont be any more with that person but i dont regret any of it, good and bad. the saying at leasst you have happy memories is true and has never felt like a dagger.
@PeachesDixon we were each others side kicks for 48 yrs, wouldnt have missed it
I feel exactly the same as you do. I lost my husband 2 years ago to dementia after 56 years together and every memory of all our lovely times is so painful and like a wound in my heart. lots of people don’t feel that way and I wish I didn’t but that’s how it is with me. All the places we went to together even local ones just hurt so much. I understand how you feel. it is a life sentence.
I wish it were different…maybe it will one day
So very true about the memories xxx
I believe the happy memories do come through eventually but can take a long time. When I lost my dad who I adored it took about 4 yrs to smile at the memories but I also agree losing my husband is a totally different grief. The void they leave behind is different. I am 2 yrs on and I still find memories of him painful and filled with a deep sadness, I hope one day this changes
Dear @UnityMan
I resonate completely with everything you say. It doesn’t help at all, and it angers me too. I’ve felt like it was negating my grief, telling off for still being sad.
And the other thing often said, “he wouldn’t want you to be sad”
Thank you @Broken2222 because you actually sum it up … 'they are not MY memories, they are OUR memories ’
the memories only he and me shared, only me and he could reminisce about.
This is summed up looking at photos.
Others can look at smiling faces. But only we know everything behind the photo, what we did before/after, what we were saying to each other when the photos were taken .
I miss so much having my Phil to talk to about OUR memories, I hate that I have NO meaningful memories since the day he left me, and the fact that I know there are no more memories to ever make again, is what makes life seem so utterly pointless.
This is the reality of grieving the loss of a husband/wife/partner, and why it is like no other loss.
Love hugs and strength to you all
thing is they are memories, that two of you made, you may no be able to make more with them but you make new memories every day, just different ones thats all.
life isnt pointless, its what you make of it. those memories will always be there and shouldnt be sad, they were joyful at the time and always will be.
i started writing down things i remember of what we did and when, only briefly but at some point i will go through them and write them out properly.