Hi Ev, how did the weekend go? Walking around the Trafford Centre yesterday was a painful reminder…
My son and Michelle insisted on joining me for the Light up a Life service before setting off for home. The Church was packed and the service was very poignant, tears again…I will post the poem that was read. I do hope we do meet up some time. x
This is the poem from the Light Up a Life service held this afternoon, by our local Hospice
And I Will Light A Candle For You
And I will light a candle for you
to shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew.
Like a beacon in the night
the flame will burn bright and guide us on our way.
Oh, today I will light a candle for you.
The seasons come and go, and I’m weary from the change.
I keep moving on, you know it’s not the same.
And when I’m walking all alone
do you hear me call your name?
Do you hear me sing the songs we used to sing?
You filled my life with wonder, touched me with surprises,
always saw that something special deep within your eyes.
And through good times and the bad,
we carried on with pride. And I will light a candle for you
to shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew.
Like a beacon in the night.
The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way.
Oh, today I will light a candle for you.
xx
Three visits to Santa! One at the garden centre, one in the village square and one at our local zoo. My son and his partner were with me most of the time but after dinner they went home and left Aaron as they are both working tomorrow. He came into my bed at 5.38 - I am very tired. All of this Gould make me happy and keen to go on but I usually cry more at what Billy is not getting to do. It is all just crazy. The poem is lovely. I cried reading it. We must try in the future to meet but until then I hope we keep writing. I keep hyperventilating in Sainsbury’s as they keep playing Elvis ‘You will be Lonely this Christmas’. Just as well I am not in America!! Take care. X
Your grandson must have enjoyed all the visits to Santa. Hopefully he will give you the strength and courage to cope with your grief and loneliness. We will definitely keep writing. I never was a cry baby, never cried in front of people but all that seems to have changed; there’s no end to the waterworks. It will be 7 months tomorrow! one consolation (if it can be called that) is it’s 7 months closer to being with John again. Take care x
7 months is just no time at all. It was just after that time that I started to think for myself a bit rather than be shuffled along by others. You are numb for so long. I still cry everyday - sometimes just a tear and sometimes much more. I never cried easily or could have had any idea what this pain is like. 7 months you are doing well so don’t beat yourself up and don’t try to do something because you think it is expected of you. I cross a day off in the calendar everyday as a day closer to Billy. I still have a to do list because for a long time I couldn’t remember what to do or when to do it and I started a journal which I write in every day. We are starting to use this just to communicate. I am happy to give you my email address. If okay let me know as no use both our emails being out there. I am still going to keep an eye for Lois through Sue Ryder. Take care. X
7 months! I kept repeating it like a mantra all day. It just doesn’t seem real, it’s the simple things I miss most. I too write everyday but it’s on the PC as I can add to it even when I’m at work. How do we go about exchanging email addresses? Priscilla has our email addresses we could ask her to send them to us. I’d like to keep in touch with Lois too, right now we three seem to need each other’s support. Thanks Ev. Take care X
Lois hope you managed to see your counsellor today. I see mine tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, it’s going to be a tough day I know, just do whatever you feel is right for you - Kevin’s spirit is with you and his love will always surround you. Take care x
Lois are you okay? Not heard from you and just wanted to check. I know it is a very very difficult time for you. Take care xx
Hi Ladies,
Hope you do not mind me joining your thread. I lost the Love of my life 10 weeks ago. Den is Ambushing me at least once a day, sometimes I open the door, other times she just ‘gets’ me.
Re Christmas cards, not sending any. Tell a lie, popped one down to Den this eve. Told everyone not sending any, asked not to send me any, obviously, everybody is illiterate!. Have just one card on display, somebody went to the trouble to find a card that did not say Christmas, just said. ‘Especially for You’ and ‘Best Wishes’ inside, really thoughtful.
I have no family, so just me, however our Pastor has invited me round, for an American Christmas, he’s from Colorado. Said, I can come when I want, join in if I want, find a quiet room if I want, go whenever I want, its all OK by him, and if I do not feel like going home, can stop the night. He made the same stay offer when Den died. This seems the best offer. Had another 7 offers as well.
Still thinking about NY though, do have a stay offer with friends in France for that, but not sure of doing the journey alone. Have to wait and see.
Regards
Ian
Hi Ian
I’m not ignoring your post here. I replied to your message yesterday, hope you received it.
Take care Libby x
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If any of you need any extra support over the Christmas period, I’ve just posted a guide to which support services are open when: https://support.sueryder.org/community/general-chat/where-get-support-over-christmas
And, of course, let’s keep this thread going for anyone who needs it over the holidays.
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Hi. I know what you mean re Christmas cards. My husband died in the February but I still did not want any cards and couldn’t believe how many people wished me a merry Christmas! I haven’t sent any this year either and don’t really see me returning to the habit of sending a card to someone I rarely see. For friends who have been extra special and sticking with me through some very dark days I sent special cards of thanks and best wishes to them. It is now 22 months and it is still as raw so don’t worry about things just take it as it comes and do what you want to do and not do what someone expects of you. I am so very sorry for your loss and know it is so painful day after day. You are not alone and I am sending my sincere wishes to you. Take care. Ev
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I think often others don’t think of the impact of a card, or words that they use especially at Christmas. People want us to be okay and happy and often others can’t deal with our tears. I think that we need to let out our emotions, whether that is by crying or sitting in our car and shouting.
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Hello Ian I don’t mind at all that’s absolutely fine. Think we are all struggling at this time of year. I know what you mean about Xmas cards. This is my second year without my husband and can’t quite believe it. Last year I wrote Xmas off it just didn’t happen, didn’t see anyone even my family, but I got through it my way and that’s what you can do just do it your way. Lois xx
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Yes, got it thanks, just put more into the email. Still finding my way on this site, and still just a bit cautious.
Thanks for coming back, much appreciated.
Regards
Take care and don’t try to be too good. A day at a time. Ev
Hi Ian just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you… All the best.
Libby
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Hello everyone,
I wondered how you were all doing and how you had coped with the Christmas period in the end? Let us know how you are coping now.
The latest discussion on the site is about people’s hopes for the year ahead: https://support.sueryder.org/community/general-chat/what-are-your-hopes-2016
I know that the year ahead will be looking difficult for all of you, so we are talking about the small things that would make it that little bit better. Perhaps you hope the happy memories will start to return more than the sad ones, or are aiming to do something special in memory of your loved one?
If anyone has something to share, please do pop over and add yours.