I remember when a colleague of mine lost her brother 6 months before I lost mine. When she came back to work, I didn’t know what to say to her, so avoided mentioning it as I felt I couldn’t say anything to help. I didn’t even acknowledge it because I was scared of saying the wrong thing. Of course I would have said something to her now that I know what it’s like myself. But I sometimes wonder what she thought of my silence.
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I think silence is better than being inappropriate. I know people mean well, but sometimes a smile is all that needed.
I find it hard to enjoy anything, and certainly not as much as I used to. Soon enough for any occasion or non-event, my mind wanders back to the grief. I am envious of others appearing to be care free (as I once was). But of course, perhaps some of them are or have recently been through grief, and I am mistaken.
I can well understand this , Matt. I see everything so differently now .
I also get upset when hearing reflective or melancholy music: when I hear music from my daughter’s jewellery box, or a Disney film - some I’ve never seen before - which confirms to me it’s not the history of the music itself, it’s the feeling of it.
Yes it is the tone. Ive started crying with pieces of music that i dont even know. Music is very powerful in bringing out emotion. Whether that is a good thing, i dont know.
Music is very powerful isn’t it ?
Certain pieces of music evoke a memory and I’m off again, crying and feeling so raw and so so sad.
I think it will be like this for a long time to come. I also think it’s ok, we have to grieve in our own ways .
Films and programmes that you used to watch with them also.
Definitely! I went to tell my mum that Call rh Midwife was on over Christmas. These little moments are heartbreaking, when I realise all over again she’s not there . I will never speak to mum or dad again 
The first Christmas without my brother i watched Ghosts because he liked it and i didnt use to watch it. Yes it is heartbreaking.
I now scan mentally through films I’ve seen before and decide in many cases not to watch them. Basically films involving an emotional death scene of some description, which is more films than I thought, which could upset me. I couldn’t even watch the snowman.
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Good idea not to watch them. I cant stop myself and its crazy. When anyone dies whether real or imaginary i am crying.
I feel envious of people who are not going through grief but also feel sorry for them because their lives are shallow and they dont appreciate what they have, like i didnt.
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