I have those images of him being worked on, and when i first found him collapsed just down the road from our house. Hed only gone out for a walk. Those images are less often now, itll be 7 months ago on the 2nd may, that i lost him, that i lost part of me too. Its horrific isnt it. Im too young to be a widow at 48! Sendin love to everyone in this nightmare xx
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I can still see the marks the defibrillator left on his chest. My poor baby 
I’m 38 and honestly thought we would grow old in the home we made together. I thought we would travel lots of places in the coming years, there was so many places we wanted to see. We were going to book a Norwegian Fjords cruise for September. There’s so much we missed out on. I try and tell myself that he got to do a lot when he was here too and some people don’t get the chance to experience anything because they die before they have even reached double digits but it doesn’t make me feel any better
I miss him so much, I’m just totally lost.
I miss the future that he should have had. The world is such an unfair place.
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I feel for you. The same for me. We had a big A3 pad where we were going to put all our travel plan details for this year and it’s empty. Covid and some health issues had prevented us from our normal adventurous ways, but this year we planned to really make up for it. Sadly it wasn’t to be and like you I feel totally empty and the future doesn’t even bear thinking about. I feel like 2 people. The happy positive person I used to be and the new one that trudges through ever day.
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I used to be a really positive person too. Now like you I also trudge through every day.
Ah I know, we hadn’t been abroad since Covid either, it was too much faff with testing etc. September would have been the first time we’d gonr abroad since Covid. We’d been on a few UK breaks during the Covid stuff but it’s never the same as going abroad really.
Do you think you will ever want to travel again? I think there’s still so much beauty in the world but I just wish he was here to enjoy it with.
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Sometimes I think I would like to travel again but the thought of not having that special person there to share it with seems too painful. One to consider further down the line. Tomorrow is the funeral after 6 weeks. I am dreading it so much. She had planned most of it herself so the music has been in my head every day. I would love to be calm and controlled but I doubt that is going to happen. Really not sure how I will feel afterwards, then back to work next week too. My heads in a mess.
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The funeral is hard. It absolutely broke me to see the car with his coffin in outside the house. I sobbed all the way to the crematorium and halfway through the service then the tears dried up and I was mostly ok for the rest of the day.
I’m back in work next week. I’m dreading it I’m still an emotional wreck but I have to try. I can’t just sit around thinking about everything much longer, it’s making me ill and completely frying my brain.
People keep saying to me it’s too soon because it’s only been six weeks but what can I do? This grief isn’t going to suddenly disappear after another couple of weeks off. It’s part of me now, it’s something I have to learn to live with. It’s going to be hard but there isn’t an alternative
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We will support each other. I agree with you, there’s not going to come a day when all of a sudden everything feels fine again so we may as well try to cope with work in the same way that we have coped with the last few weeks. Bit by bit. There’s no alternative if you are still of working age and need the income.
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Hi, I don’t know if you are still o here but I am the same age as you. I lost my partner two weeks ago and struggling to come to terms with his loss and also the loss of our loves we had planed. Alot of people on here lossing their partners are older and had a long life with them. Mine was so short and I have so long left to live in scared
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Hi. To be honest I don’t use the site anymore but I get email notifications whenever someone messages me or replies to one of my comments so I’ve just read your reply.
I’m so sorry you find yourself here. It’s so cruel and absolutely heartbreaking.
You’re likely still in shock. I most definitely was at two weeks.
It’s been a year for me now and I stll feel scared of a future without him. I still cry a lot and still think of him constantly. I always wish I was much older because at least then I wouldn’t be looking at potentially decades without him 
I hope you have a supportive family and friends to support you?
We didn’t have children, did you?
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Thank you for getting back to be.
I do but they are very quiet, they don’t seem to speak to me much. No we don’t have kids either we never wanted any.
How did you manage, to keep going? I’m struggling, each day is harder for me.
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Honestly, because I didn’t have a choice, the days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months then months became a year. Time just kept passing and in all honesty time was the only thing to help. In the beginning all I wanted to do was curl up and die, I would wake up and cry that I’d have to face another day and in all honesty that lasted a long time. Lately I’ve been thinking about just going travelling and trying to find joy in things that we enjoyed together.
Do you have any local support groups I’ve never been to one but others have said they found them helpful.
Where are you from?
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I have found one near me which I may go to on Thursday. I’m struggling to get through each day tbh.
I’m from the midlands near Coventry. How about you?
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