Flash backs re. Terminal illness

I have flash backs every day been 6 months .I took photos in hospital every day was only in for 8 days before she passed.I sat with her after getting a 7am call saying she’s poorly and been asking for me all night .In the 12 mins it took me to get up there she had already gone into end of life .I did take 2 more photos in the last hours.

My darling husband passed away 2 years ago and I still have bad days. But I wanted to say that he made me promise to remember him as he was before the cancer took him and he was skeletal. So I try to do that. My daughter and I took a Cruise to Norway to see the fjords, I had to force myself because my hubby and I had planned to go together. I took my sadness with me but I did try for my daughter’s sake.

Dear Carol3
I worried about people thinking my photos are weird but I don’t share them with others. My husband didn’t look great at the end but when I compare the photos with ones of happier times I realise that he still had the features that made him handsome to me . I have my husbands ashes in the living room next to his musical instruments as you say it’s not much to show for a life but we have to remember our loved ones were more than a physical body and the life they lived means more than what remains behind.
Guilt is a big part of what many of us feel. Guilt that we could not do more for them, guilt that we couldn’t save them, guilt if we take pleasure in something because we can’t share it with them, I cry a lot and you have to learn it’s O.K. to do this. Friends and family who say it will get better mean well but they don’t understand that they are not being helpful and it probably won’t get better for a long time. You can’t rebuild a life in a few months or a few years. This is your own journey.

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I do. My amazing husband ian died 31/8. On Sunday it’s the first anniversary of his lung transplant. I am dreading it. I get flashbacks all the time. Noises from ITU. Walking down the corridor to ITU wondering what I would be told. Ringing everyday for test resulted, did he had a temp today? What were his infection markers? It’s horrific xx

It is a horrible thing to cope with. I hate having the flashbacks from the hospital because they hurt so much. I guess it is because I feel a failure for not being able to help or save him. I try to forget but you can’t it was part of their life. I try to go out on the anniversary of my husband’s death to avoid the memories but it doesn’t really work. You can’t help comparing now with then. You just have to learn to live through them,x