Grief is a tyrant. I feel better for a while and then I see something that reminds me of a concrete memory and the impact is horrible… I’ll start crying and it takes some time to get back to normal… But what kind of normal do we have now? Far away from what we had before … We only can try all over again to survive this nightmare hurting my heart every day and night…
Janka
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Hello, there’s no running away from the pain, the most you can do is just stay numb, that’s what I have to do. Try not to think, but everything is a trigger. …I hate going grocery shopping, again I started crying 
, just thinking how im going home and hes not gonna be there waiting for me to have breakfast and coffee. I just miss him so much, my children miss their dad.
…and I keep buying to much groceries 
…Honey I miss you!!!
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That’s what makes it unbearable! our new “normal” is just not being in awful pain and agony, but it actually sucks, the absence of our soulmate is not just painful, it makes most things meaningless…. I take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Always looking forward to going to bed and sleeping and forgetting that the love of my life is not coming back 
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Oh Lucy, I do relate! In the beginning I tried to avoid the grocery store we were going to. It made my anxiety even much worse. As time goes by, I’m making some progress and buying something just to be able of walking through alleys and remembering things . However it puts the tears into my eyes and I end up crying at last, even nobody can see it. When I have a good day, I just go for a walk in there and talk to him smiling, reminding of good memories, but most of the days it is a miserable time…
Janka
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I feel the same Helen and Anita. I’m just starting my second year and I am finding it harder if possible. I do keep busy and go out and have a lovely family who are so good to me but like you I miss my late husband so much and just want him back every day. He was my rock and when I had worries he talked me through them and then I felt better. I talk to his pictures all the time and read letters on here and it has helped me realising others are going through the same.
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