The guy I’m dating just lost his mother. He took care of her and loved her dearly. I was there helping him move out and even helped with her occasionally. He’s been extremely private and guarded with me so when he trusted me enough to come inside his home and interact w/ his family, I knew he had finally let the guard down and let me in. He’s DL as well. I lost my father so I identify with losing a parent so I’m trying to be there for him but he’s numb and hates being vulnerable. He cried to me once about it and that was it. I’m lucky if I even get a reply, he can go days without responding and when we do communicate, it’s short and I can hear the sadness in his voice. I wanna be there but I also dislike the feeling of being dismissed and feeling like I’m being a nuisance… I’m trying guys but I’m afraid he’s gonna go into his shell again and completely fall into a dark place. He has a habit of being dismissive and emotionally distant so I’m afraid he’s gonna become overwhelmed and end what we have at some point. Pushing me away time and time again will eventually lead me to disengaging … Because I’m trying to be there cause I know how hard it is but leaving me on read and dismissing/ignoring me is reopening the same wounds he gave me at the beginning of our relationship. . So what do I do? Wait it out … or just slowly detach myself, emotionally, from the relationship?
Hello @Deon6570,
I can see you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say thank you for reaching out for support.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts. In the meantime, you might wish to look at this thread, as we have a few members such as @Pilot123 and @hellogoodbye1 who are in a similar situation to you and you may be able to support each other:
You may find support on this thread, too:
We also have lots of resources for supporting someone who is grieving. Our Grief Kind campaign can help. You can:
- Watch our Grief Kind classes. Our Grief Kind classes are five short video tutorials in which Sue Ryder bereavement experts talk you through what grief is like and how you can support others who are grieving
- Listen to our Grief Kind podcasts. Our Grief Kind podcasts are hosted by author, journalist and Sue Ryder ambassador, Clover Stroud. She speaks with celebrities about their personal experiences of bereavement and the support which helped them most when coping with their grief.
- Read our guide on supporting someone else who has been bereaved.
I hope that you find these resources helpful. Please take good care of yourself, too - the community is here for you too.
Seaneen
I think you need to leave this person and let them grieve in piece.
I felt like I was no longer in a relationship with my grieving boyfriend. He pushed me away and it drove me crazy.
Save yourself the heartbreak and don’t let him damage you in the process. He is completely damaged and needs professional help.
I agree. You did nothing wrong. Don’t hate your self and damage your self. You did what you could and it was the other person who pushed you away. Always remember that.
This is so sad. I lost my partner last year and grieving as I am I would still give my eye teeth to have someone else in my life to share the pain and lighten the load. But everyone deals with grief differently don’t they? Personally I would at least give your partner a chance and offer an ultimatum ‘either let me in or I’m leaving’ that way you shouldn’t feel any guilt for not trying if it does end.
You have tried so if you do need to walk away, do it with your head held high.
Marchon, I totally agree but i personally don’t think it’s normal to push away someone who’s been by your side through out everything and then when you’re at a low point you push away the one person who’s always been there for you. It took me a very long time to walk away but now I have and I’m doing my best to keep my head held high.
Pilot123 I’m glad you could move on but
… when you say you don’t think it’s normal to push away someone who’s always been there for you, what is ‘normal’? Everybody grieves differently is the point I was making. Some fall to pieces, some are stoic some take their own lives even. There is no normal. Grief is an awful pain that you work through in your own way.