No it doesn’t sound shocking at all and no one on here would judge you. You didn’t want to see the person you loved suffer.
My wonderful partner changed as the dementia increased its hold on his clever , sharp mind and sometimes I wished he had a way out knowing he would only get worse. .

Thank both of you for replying.
We were married for 53 years and I now feel just like my name, totally bereft. Dont think it’s a word that ever entered my mind before.
The “empty chair” is so hard that when my very supportive daughter invites me I actually find it harder being there without my husband than I do staying at home. Does that make sense to anyone?

It makes sense to me. My wife loved to visit all our kids and she was very much a hands on grannie. I feel I’m crying inside as I’m playing with them as it feels so wrong that I am able and she isn’t.

Same as x

To YorkshireLad1950 Your story is so similar to mine. I too did all the healthy things for my husband. Read everybook I could on the subject. I have enough health books to stock a library. We even got an allotment to grow organic fruit and veg. One small area at first, then it expanded three times. Now I have all this land to grow on. Don’t need so much now but it is very therapeutic and keeps me busy on bad days, plus I am near to him. He loved his allotment and planned it all out for this summer and even ordered his seeds. I will do my best to do him credit. Your life is just taken over by keeping your loved one with you. I refused to admit defeat right up to the end. I wouldn’t let him go to the hospice although I was told that I couldn’t keep up such intensive care single handed 24/7, I did cope until the last day and then my husband passed. Perhaps he knew. Now I wonder if I could have done more.

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Dear Debra27 I can relate to so much that is causing you distress. Only two months since my beloved Brian passed and it is so hard. I too find shopping unbearable. I find myself crying every time. I see things I would have previously bought but what’s the point now. I was in a shop and suddenly felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. I began to sob. Managed to hide away for a minute or two to get myself under control. I suddenly realised that he wasn’t outside in the car or at home. It hits you so hard, it’s so physical. Find myself crying when on a bus, as we went to town together often. I couldn’t go into town just before Christmas. Started out and turned and went back home, couldn’t face it.

I too have problems with TV because every programme or film we used to watch together (or even the soaps I used to half watch with Sandra) I cannot even bear to see the titled or clips of now. I hate going shopping and seeing couples shopping together, thinking “That should be us’”

I think you sound amazing and couldn’t do anymore at all. I would be proud of my actions if that was me xx

12remember they are all natural emotions whist going through the grieving process I too feel those emotions of guilt ,weather they pass with time or feel less I don’t know only time will tell. But you did everything in your power to get the emergency services to your loved one. If anyone should be feeling some form of guilt it’s the neighbour who give minimal support in you hour of need. My husbands passing was very sudden and we have no time to prepare . Unfortunately life deals us a bad hand at times and we have no option but to deal with it to the best of our ability for ourselves and for those we have lost. I know it’s easier said than done but every morning I get up ( not wake up because I don’t really sleep) I say to myself “ right I have to get through this day for my Rob because that’s what he would want” sending hugs take care and stay safe x