I lost my husband last week to a very sudden heart attack. I feel so guilty that i didnt notice the symptoms he had before he had his heart attack. We just assumed it was a chest infection, its all i think about, worry about . That i lost my husband because i didnt see it.
Hi Julian, sorry about what happened. Firstly, I think all of us has some guilt, its normal.
I used to be involved in cardiac rehab, and it seemed that everybody seemed to assume the problem was indigestion. I had three bouts of indigestion, before my workmates insisted I go to A and E.
Despite my own experiences, my wife had her “indigestion” for a few hours, telling me it was because she had a late supper. I should have known, but I didnt!! Until it got worse and worse and I insisted on calling the paramedics! A week later she passed away in hospital.
If I had picked up a phone at the start, would it have made a difference?
Possibly, but probably not, her heart was in a mess.
I spent hours debating with myself about it, eventually realising I’d never know, and even if I did, all it could do was damage me.
Im only human, I do lots of things wrong.
All we must do is forgive ourselves, and let it go. It takes quite a long time, but it comes.
They would want us to rebuild our lives and enjoy what is left for us.
Dont let the (probably unfair) guilt dominate the recollection of all the good times and memories.
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Hello @Julian36 .
I am so very sorry for your loss.
@tykey speaks a lot of sense and I can echo his words. I think guilt is a normal part of grieving. Like you, my husband died from a sudden cardiac arrest, but with no symptoms at all or certainly none I knew of. I wondered if I had missed something. I asked friends and family and also visited his GP. There was nothing but to this day, some 7 years later, I still find myself, periodically, going over my husband’s final day.
In the early days of raw, agonising grief, I also felt guilty of all the times I had been horrible to him. I just couldn’t rid myself of those times and they seemed to take over my focus. I can tell you that all those feelings have now passed and our love shines through. What has surprised me in grief is how my love for my man continues to grow.
I read somewhere the following words:
'one day the sun will shine again for you, the birds will sing and you will open your heart to allow your beautiful memories to nourish and sustain you in your grief.’
I think of those words now and they’re true. They will be of no solace to you now, but I pray they give you hope.
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