Some of you may have seen my posts on my pagan/natural world/spirituality/beliefs or whatever it may be called, part of my beliefs include the date of 31/10/2024, to many this is halloween and all its rubbish commercialism and in my view - disrespect,
it is also known as All Hallows day, All saints Day, All souls Day by Christians having stolen it from us pagans!
I thought it might be interesting if not helpful for others on here who are struggling so hard with the loss of someone who are dearly loved, as I am.
For me, as a pagan, this is a significant date, we know it as “Samhain” a Gaelic word that originated with the ancient Celts who celebrated it as a religious festival, it marks the end of summer, the harvest and the beginning of a New Year and winter.
Winter is linked with the natural world as all seasons are, of nature dying off, the old leaves on trees, foliage and plants all die back, because of this transition from a season of life to a season of dying back and rest, the “halloween” date is important because we believe that the veil or divide between the living and the spirits of people who have left us is at its thinnest and means communication with them is easier, my wife and I celebrated this date to remember, think and talk about our son who passed away 20 years ago, you always remember them and talk to them anyway but we made a special effort to celebrate his life and following the loss of my wife this year I shall be doing the same, sometimes it may just be lighting candles, sometimes a full blown big bonfire! (my wife loved bonfires) sometimes, as it will be this year I shall light and tend the fire basket on the patio installed for my son just for this purpose.
It comforts and helps me, maybe it can for others who are struggling.
@swift Thanks for this, I think I’ll be doing something to mark the day now. I’ve never actively bothered with Halloween in this way, but it now seems that it’s an opportunity I should take. My wife and I always used to mark the solstices, now she’s gone Halloween seems an appropriate addition.
I’ve always meant to say thanks for putting the time into describing the pagan funeral rites, I don’t come on the site too often and to be honest it slipped my mind. Many thanks!
@Walan Samhain, pronounced Sow-in means the summers end and the beginning of the dark period ie winter and that the veil between our world and the spirit world is at its thinnest and contact and communication with the spirits was at its easiest, some pagan festivals included preparing and leaving food out for the spirits, others even took steps to confuse malevolent spirits who might have visited, Pope somebody, can’t remember who, decided to make it a christian festival of All Saints Day or All Hallows day hence the more modern term of Halloween, personally both my wife and I took this day to especially remember our son and other lost friends and relatives, sadly now I have to include my wife, I find it a comfort, it is a fire festival hence the use of candles and bonfires and as I said in my previous post my wife loved a good bonfire!
The beauty of pagan beliefs is they do not follow a set path so you can celebrate as a pagan with what is important and right for you, it basically revolves around the circle of life and death as in nature, often coming from “pagan farmers” as many were back in the day and this has been my life and it dawned on me some years ago that my beliefs, feelings, connection, spirituality had been part of me since a kid and that I was actually pagan,
I hope it is food for thought and may help and find peace with this journey we are all on.
@swift Thanks again, all very interesting. After reading it struck me that we’ve lost the opportunity to collectively express loss. That a day for everyone to be in that space collectively must have been a powerful therapy and comfort, a chance to express loss externally in a way that was accepted by society as everyone would be doing the same thing. Seems like we could do with that.
@Walan Couldn’t agree more, nowadays a bereaved person is almost treated as an outcast, mainly left to their own devices, in many western countries we have lost the community way of living, even in the bad old days when we had more village life, often made up of relatives and people who often worked together, they would come together on the death of one of them, I distinctly remember, as a child, the funeral of my grandmother, she was one of the “village elders” was well attended by the locals, they would also call before and after and they would help out, it was a shared situation, now we are reduced in trying to share our bereavement online!
Even on this forum you can see members attempting to get back to a collective support, there is one thread, I think it is closed to outsiders by the mods because of the greater amount of personal information being posted, first name terms etc. that has become a “community” support group, most, I am sure would love to get together and meet up face to face.
I live in a village, there is one couple (friends) who are supportive and go out of their way to check up on me, Its a price we pay for modern living.
@swift very much agree, although I do wonder how I would have coped without this forum tbh. I know it’s not ideal and very much better than nothing at times but it does really, as you say, illustrate the human need for collective support through sharing and shared experience.
I wasn’t aware that there were private threads that had developed into community support groups, not that I’ve ever really looked for anything like that. I do know that there are zoom groups, I believe they’re quite open to membership and I do know that a lot of them have met up outwith the forum. If it’s something youre interested in I believe theres information on how to join here:
@Walan This forum has been a real help to me as well, I had read the odd book or two but then discovered this forum, it is 7+ months now since I lost my wife and although I visit the forum almost daily I have tried to ease off a bit, I think you can get too caught up in it and it can be almost a constant source of sadness, just my opinion.
The thread I mentioned has been “unlisted” it started as a normal post but attracted a lot of followers and I am one of them, it became a chat thread and many started to be on first name terms and because of this the mods felt it was safer to stop new posters joining in so it is now not listed under the various subjects, as you know you get emails with a link to posts that you have contributed to and this is how it is accessed by the original posters, me included, I am not really a chat/banter person so I tend to read but not post but clearly a lot of the contributors like the format that has developed.
I guess the future for bereaved people will continue as a bit of a lonely path, yes there are bereavement groups but in more rural areas they are few and far between, we tend not to know neighbours as well as perhaps we should, so people popping in for a cup of tea and a chat are a thing of the past, busy lives, no time blah blah
Maybe I am just feeling old!
Thanks @Walan for linking to the thread I began explaining about Zoom chats.
It sounds as if what you are taking air @swift is different from that but for anyone interested in Zoom it has to stay arranged through private messages so that non members can’t see and join.
I agree with what you have both said in that others who are also bereaved can support each other a lot but also that too much time dwelling on the sadness can cause it’s own problems.
I think marking a day to remember lost loved ones in this way sounds much better than the commercialised event Halloween has become in the UK.
@Walan It is truly a stunning place!
I shall be lighting my fire a little later and was looking through the internet for further information on Samhain and came across this, it is from the US but thought I would post the link because it has a lot of stuff that I certainly resonate with and I think others may find it comforting and helpful.
I’m sure your words will bring comfort to others.
