I feel like you I think and don’t give a f**k about many things. I’ve always been strong minded and even more so since I lost my son. My partner says you have not lost the fire in you. Underneath am totally broken hearted . I have never been much of a crier but never knew how many tears I’ve shred. Broken is an understatement. Take care x
I don’t understand why I’m expected to be over it, why would I be over it? It’s my child! I carried him! I will never get over his passing. I will probably cry every day until I also pass and I’m happy with that because I love my son to the ends of the earth and some.
When I had counselling I was given a graph full of circles explaining how my grief fills all the circle but eventually my life will grow around the circle and my grief will become “less”. This was clearly made for someone who hasn’t lost a child.
Nothing in my life will grow, except my loss and despair. Nothing will diminish my grief.
I live now to welcome death. I want to be in the soil with my daughter.
I don’t have any friends at all now, maybe it’s them, maybe it’s me but I no longer care that they don’t care.
I get angry some days but most days I’m just inconsolable, the ache of her loss is a physical pain. I still cannot believe she is gone, I still think she will get better.
I miss her more than anything in the world which is why the world no longer matters
I have just read through all the messages. .we are all feeling the same. The loss of our children is a pain out of this world and how can we ever get over it…i have my daughters ashs in my bedroom…i purposely avoid looking at the urn as i cannot believe this has happened…then i feel guilty for doing that so i touch her and cry …how can life ever be the same as before…it cant…i dont want to live this life but i have 3 other children so i would be selfish to leave them…but i dont want to be here in this black hole …with every second of every day is just torture…how do we carry on…when part of us has gone…and wishing it was me that had gone and not my daughter…
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That’s what should be, we should die before them. Everyone will experience grief and loss in their life but only a few will experience the total devastation of losing a child.
I have suffered normal loss and it’s not even in the same solar system as the grief i feel now.
@Michelle3362 I do the same, her grave is here with me but there are days when I cannot even look at it then I ask myself “how can you not speak to her?” So then I do and my heart breaks again, it must be in a million pieces by now but it still hurts like the day it first broke.
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I feel like all you guys have typed before me. Its six months since my precious son decided to leave this world. He was 20. Had such great prospects and so much to live for. It was the saddest day of my life, finding him, already gone, nothing we could do. Grief is this massive heavy burden we have to carry now. The biggest shock was finding out about his relationship. She is a controlling and coercive evil person hidden inside the shell of a beautiful quiet girl. I have to be careful what i say incase anyone works out who i am. He was happy, funny, generous and caring. Unlike you guys, though, i love looking at photos and i have a few videos where i can hear his voice and seeing him makes me feel like he could walk through that door at any point, and then the overwhelming sadness that he won’t, I go to his favourite places and see what he could see, through my own eyes. I didn’t have a big friend group, never have. I avoid seeing people who i know will upset me. I have two or three lovely people who i can tell anything to and they listen and let me cry, without comment. The rest, they can all F. O. People i thought would be right there for me, were not. I no longer care what people think. I get the ‘oh you like nice today’ that must mean i am feeling better, no it means i have forced myself to shower and go out. How on earth can we feel better. Time is not a healer, time is the reality of another day, month,year we will never see our lovely children again. No more memories to make. Not seeing them grow older I am not interested in anything much anymore. I cry every day. I have other family, i live for them. Im just heartbroken that i couldn’t help him, because he didn’t tell anyone, he couldn’t tell anyone.
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