How to answer “how are you “you ok”

I’m so sorry to hear that … 42 is no age. Life seems so unfair. My husband was walking around normally going out etc eight weeks ago … GP had been treating him for pleurisy for four weeks with three different antibiotics but the pain was so bad. I took him into hospital by ambulance where he was admitted and had scans bloods etc. He was diagnosed with cancer in his spine and bones, lungs, prostate, liver, bladder and given just weeks to live. He was in hospital three weeks and a hospice for six days … thankfully the hospice was fantastic where he got the care and kindness he deserved. I was with him almost all the time through those four weeks … it’s so shocking. Our sons were Pete abd Jamie, Pete was 33 and died almost seven years ago abd Jamie was 36 and died almost two years ago. I am just in shock and can’t believe it all. Thankyou for responding. Sending you hugs and understanding, Sue xx

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In reply to Rachel, and all who are wondering how to respond to ‘How are you?’ when in the pain of grief. I often reply ‘Alright thanks’ because it is less complicated. When it was only a few weeks after my dear husband had died, while shopping I met someone whom I knew was also recently bereaved from the loss of her husband, and I found myself saying ‘How are you?’. The reply I received was ‘the same as you, I expect’! I wished I had said something else. However, in the event we did stop briefly for a general chat about our purchases! One never knows how another person is feeling when asked such a question. It is a year now since the loss of my husband, and to some extent I’ve got used to being asked the question! Even if, just before leaving the house, I’ve shed a few tears, I answer that I am alright. This seems to be the answer most questioners want to hear, and it stops me from bursting into tears! It is not easy to put on a brave face to the world, but I think in the long
run it serves to help ourselves cope with our grief. Do not be afraid to mention how you are feeling, but remember some people will not understand. I have found I can say how I’m feeling to certain close friends, or relatives, but they are the few, rather than the majority. My thoughts are with you at this sad time. With my very best wishes. Deidre

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I usually say I’m managing to breathe thankyou. I lost my daughter very tragically aged 33 in Oct and my mother 2 weeks ago or within the last 6 months. If course we will never be ok again. Thinking of you all

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I usually say I’m managing to breathe thankyou. I lost my daughter very tragically aged 33 in Oct and my mother 2 weeks ago or within the last 6 months. If course we will never be ok again. Thinking of you all

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss it’s heartbreaking your so right we will never be okay in my thoughts Adele x

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When someone asks me how I am I always reply - Keeping Busy as always ! I find this is the best way of turning the question around .

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I didn’t believe things could get easier but they have, I think grief is complex and even after nearly 2 and a half years, new emotions and feelings take me by surprise. But, by keeping busy, crying when I need to and talking to those people who I know want to listen, I have found things getting easier. I will never get over losing my lovely husband but I am adjusting and finding the loss less painful, more bearable. Hi I would still have him back in a heartbeat, which is daft, because he is dead. Some of his ashes hang in a pendant round my neck. All I can offer is empathy and the belief that it does get better with time, but there is no way as far as I know to shorten the grief process.

I’m so so sorry for your losses xxx

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I am sorry for your loss. The only thing I can say having experienced this is ‘time heals’ so keep going, don’t give up. Just take one day at a time.
Just one day

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In reply to Siobhan43. I’m so sorry for your losses. Take one day at a time. Find comfort within your family, friends where possible, and the writers on this site who are all enduring similar losses and understand your feelings. My thoughts are with you. Deidre

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When people ask me this question, I say ‘I’m a mess’ which is true I’m not coping, don’t dare think of the future, the day just seems to endless. Dishes are gathering by the sink I don’t care, which is awful, I just want to think of my beloved husband and all the things were did together, yes the simple things, planning the television viewing, having a cup of tea, having a chat, I do talk to him but then tears come, there’s no worse feeling than be bereaved xx

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Same here … I haven’t even had my husbands funeral yet but finding it unbearable … I just hate everything without him here… even making a cuppa in the morning. He always used to get the first cuppa. I have pneumonia both lungs and ear infection both ears and I hate feeling so ill without him here. Both our sons have died so now just me left. Husband d was only ill for eight weeks then gone … unbearable for sure. I feel like a child demanding g I get him back… I should know grief after our sons died aged 33 and 36 but it hurts worse each time I think. Love to all here, Sue xx

Hi Davidmybeloved,
My darling wife died nine months ago and some things are just left as they were then, as if time stood still. The wreckage of a life. I wish I could promise it gets better. It does get different. I’m not sure time is a healer but it certainly has made a difference. I don’t suppose it’s time that did that, it’s that thing about looking from further away. I remember about it being impossible to see a future, but the thing about a future is that you can’t see it anyway, you never could really. It gets delivered in instalments.
The days are endless and somehow you will find a way to change that. Love is unique, and so is Grief and that makes it pointless to tell you what helped me but, hopefully, there will be things that you can get comfort from, that you can be grateful for and that will help you to grow into a new reality. It’s indescribably tough, it’s debilitating and I think it’s possible. I think of it as building a different life around my grief but life doesn’t stand still and you will keep changing bit by bit, inch by inch. Hope, belief and determination are all going to be your allies.
Dishes gather by my sink, some don’t even make it that far, I lose things in the fridge, the floor needs vacuuming… But I don’t care.
Ask yourself two questions:
Does it matter?
Does it matter that it matters?
I hope your day is as good as it can be.
XX

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I feel just the same I keep thinking it this my life now no one to share chocolate with cup of T it’s so lonely if people ask me how I am I try to change the subject be
Cause everyone got something going on it’s very lonely life without your soul mate n I can can’t believe all our plans for retirement have just gone we had simple life worked loved being together totally in love now all gone please look after yourself I just try work as much as I can because there’s nothing else take care sorry I should be cheering u up luv lynn xx

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I lost my mum on Christmas eve and I miss her so much! We were not close but still I miss her.
I agree with you that people asking if your ok is like lighting a match under a bale of hay. No I’m not ok you want to scream. But you can not scream as it is not the done thing.
We remain polite but inside we are dying.
It is the same with sympathy cards they mean well but we do not need reminding of our sorrow.
You are in the right place on this website as we are kindred spirits all suffering a loss.
Only time can heal.

Thank you there is so much pain and suffering for us all x

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My answer is simple. “How do you think I am?”

I know where u are coming from I just want someone to hold my hand

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I can emphasise with you regarding response to “how are you”?Likewise I lost my wife 6 months ago & my answer can vary according to the circumstances & who’s asking.I’m mindful an honest answer would probably deter most people from enquiring so I normally respond with “I’m coping but some days are better than others”
Best wishes