I Lost my nan & it hurts

My nan went into hospital in February for a uti she was fine the day before walking around her flat talking as normal but soon as she went into hospital she went downhill she couldn’t walk or sit-up unaided & she was confused & couldn’t understand me & hard for me to understand her she started seeing things that weren’t there etc as the hospital had strict visitor rules only one visitor for the whole time so I visited her everyday & the doctor finally told us my nan has early dementia & he thinks she’s only got 12 maybe 6 months left :disappointed: they finally moved her to a care home for a discharge to assess but miles away & supposed to be for 4 weeks while they assess her but she was there for till June , the care home wasn’t looking after her properly & not feeding her the right food or getting her out of bed she ended up like skin on bone she ended up in hospital 3 times with chest infection & the care home staff gave her covid even tho she’s bedbound & we didn’t know till I went to visit her in hospital & got told but lucky I was still able to visit her when she had covid , but the last time she ended up in hospital she was being sent back to the care home & had to go back to the hospital due to not having the right paperwork apparently & we got the call to get down there that she had taken a turn for the worse we only made it half way there when we got another call from the doctor saying she just gone :disappointed: , she died all alone miles from family because the adult social care couldn’t do their job properly & their still trying to charge us for nans care she had when it was fully funded by the nhs , I just wish nan could’ve held on for a little bit longer till we got there so we could of been there before she passed maybe if I hadn’t waited for my aunt & just gone straight there I could’ve got there just minutes or seconds before she went & She wouldn’t have died alone , it just doesn’t feel real that she’s gone I still feel like I could ring her up & she’ll answer & I wanna tell her everything that’s been going on but she’s not there , I keep tearing up when I think about her I ended up brawling my eyes out when I had to go to the job centre the other day I just couldn’t control it, it’s just not fair I just want my nan back she was fine one day then 4 months later she’s dead :frowning: life just doesn’t seem the same anymore without her

Hello lakingsfan83,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your nan. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment, especially with the addition of feeling like she didn’t get the care she deserved towards the end.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder also offers the following online bereavement support which might want to take a look at:

  • An online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. If you feel some one-to-one support may be useful, you can find more information about the service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
  • A recently launched Grief Self-Help Service which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief. If you’re interested in understanding more about grief and how you can manage it, visit selfhelp.sueryder.org

Take care and be kind to yourself while you have so much going on, and do keep reaching out here on the community.

Best wishes,


Online Community team

Thank you very much