I still feel numb after 9 years

On 23rd December 2013 my daughter came home to spend Christmas with me and her two sisters. I hugged her, said goodnight and we went to bed. When i went to wake her the following day, she had died. I remember paramedics, police, undertakers and her distraught sisters in the house that day I had to tell her father, my family, then somehow get through Christmas Day. Her death was unexplained, no cause apart from heart failure. Since then i feel nothing apart from numbness. My soul died with her. I tried grief couselling but every time the lady came round, there was a deluge of visitors, i couldnt talk with all the interruptions so i gave up. I hug my daughters, my grandchildren, but i feel nothing. For everyone who has lost a child, i feel your pain, but for myself i feel nothing.


@LIZ241213, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Thank you for reaching out here. It sounds like your daughter’s death was so shocking and sudden that you haven’t been able to process it yet.

You mentioned having bereavement counselling and struggling with the interruptions. If this is something you’d consider giving another try, we offer free Online Bereavement Counselling. The sessions are held via video chat. If you think it would be helpful to have a space outside your home to talk about your grief, your GP will be able to put you in touch with local support.

There is a really active and supportive thread for bereaved parents that you may wish to join: https://community.sueryder.org/t/loss-of-our-son-aged-27 Everyone there has lost a child and will understand some of what you are going through.

You might also wish to contact The Compassionate Friends. They have lots of support for parents who have lost a child of any age.

Please do keep reaching out - you are not alone.

Take care,

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I’m so very sorry for your tragic loss, it’s devastating. I lost my precious son suddenly in June 2020, he passed in his sleep, I found him.
I will never get over it, I will never be the same again. I miss him & yearn for him every second of my existence. Sending hugs :purple_heart::blue_heart::broken_heart:

Thank you Rach25, i am so sorry to hear you lost your son, I understand the shock of the realisation they are gone. I am not the same person either, how can we be when part of us has gone. After nearly ten years, the grief doesn’t surround me in a cloud any more, but it is there beside me, and the empty space remains. Take comfort from memories of happy times together, and know he is safe in the place beyond x

Dear Liz241213 and Rach25,

I read both of your stories and feel your pain deeply. Please accept my sincere condolences. My wife and I found my youngest son, Louis (15 years old), dead in his room on the morning of Sunday 16th Oct 2022. We discovered 10 days later that he died from a brain stem and cerebellar haemorrhage. It was totally unexpected. He was such a loving, kind teenager. No bother at all actually. Needless to say, we too are just so sad and lost without him. Life will never be the same again.

I just wanted to write to that you know that you’re not alone and there are people here who can understand the emotional magnitude of what has happened.

I hope you are both ok. Liz241213, I would encourage you to consider trying counselling again. The circumstances which made you stop were unfortunate. That said, you were probably still in deep shock too so perhaps it was too early. Four months in, I still can’t work out if I’m in shock or not!

Take care,

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Thank you both for your kind supportive words. Jon you will still no doubt be in deep shock. I send my deep condolences to you & your families. It’s so painful & unbearable. Sending love & strength,

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Dear LIZ241213. Losing a child is unlike any other loss and I speak as a dad who’s 33 year old daughter died In Nov 22. And I am so sorry for yours because I know of the devastation left behind. I also happen to be a therapist and without knowing you or presuming anything, it is possible your body shut down when you lost your daughter and has stayed that way since. If you want your feelings back, can find he right therapist ( and not from home) and are willing to go through whatever comes up, go at a pace that suits you including anything buried then you have a chance of getting unstuck. I hope you can get to feeling again. With care Paul

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