If only time would stop

Ha! I don’t think I could clear guttering. Well done you xxx

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Hi Christie–sorry for your loss -I read your post and it made me cry as it was so similar to what we went through. We had a cancer diagnosis in June and it was a very aggressive rare lung cancer and by July David died. So two weeks in hospital getting the diagnosis and they thought he might have till Christmas so we got home ready to make the most of the months he had left. He was very weak and had lost a lot of weight and I made his favorite food but he could hardly eat . Each day he seemed to go down hill rapidly and he couldn’t get out of the chair then couldn’t walk and then couldn’t get out of bed. The Dr came and said ‘you know what’s happening don’t you’ and I didn’t want to accept it and I was so just so numb. That was all in the first week of coming out of hospital and I had to accept he was dying so the palliative care team rushed in with all their equipment and so began the worst week of my life. He was so weak and I told him I loved him, he was worried about leaving me as we were best friends and did everything together but I said don’t worry I will be ok trying to make it easier for him but we both knew the truth that I didn’t want to live without him. The last few days he was unconscious and all I could do was sit with him and I just chatted to him about the stuff we had done together and memories and played music and then he was gone just a month after being diagnosed. So the nightmare began and here I am 3 months later trying to get a new normal and its so up and down. One day I feel I can cope and the next I’m in floods of tears again, its very exhausting isn’t it and trying to deal with the pain and loneliness is so hard. I feel so lost a lot of the time but am trying to find some way through this like everyone else on here xx


I’m so sorry. I think I’m still in shock, I’m not crying much, just struggling to believe it. I’d give anything to be able to talk to him again, tell him how much I loved him, how much I always will love him. Like you, I’ve lost my soulmate and best friend, life seems hollow and purposeless without him. This house is just full of memories, he is everywhere. I go out and find myself thinking he will be there when I’m back, then I realise he will never be there again. It was less than six weeks ago, I ache with every waking moment. What does coping mean? I thought the other day that he wouldn’t want me to feel like this, he would want me to get on with life. I will try, but it is so very, very hard. Sending hugs. Cxxx


Yes you are bound to still be in shock as early days and it is shocking to suddenly lose our partner and we feel like we have lost ourself too. I come on this site and read the posts of others and it helps to be with others that understand --it seems that in time we will cope better but it’s certainly a hard slog at the moment. I have a dog who makes me get out and walk and I try and look at the beauty of nature. David passed on a Wednesday and I’ve made that a day where I do something nice for someone else in his honour as he was such a kind man. (got that idea from someone on this site). Still struggle with the weekends though as I find these the hardest when others are doing things with their partner and I find it hard to be in the house and he’s not here but everything else looks the same. I have found myself at the shops thinking what will I buy us for lunch and then I remember he’s not here and that terrible feeling overwhelms again. Its one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time and be we must be kind to ourselves --we’ve lost our best friend of course we are hurting so much and we all understand that pain -keep reading and posting as it does help -take care x


So good to read all your replies, I can identify with everything you all write. It certainly is a struggle and like you I just keep looking for things to do that might help in some small way. Nothing is going to take away the feeling that part of you is missing, not for a while anyway.
This week I have been on the Action for Happiness site and have also listened to some of the Greifcasts on BBC Sounds By Cariad Lloyd. Another way of feeling that you are not alone.


Hi Dal27 -so sorry for your loss . I will look at Griefcasts and Action for Happiness site ,its good to find things that will hopefully help us cope a bit better. I did see some of the Good Grief Festival https://goodgrieffest.com/ which some people on this site suggested and the live events have finished but you can pay 20 pounds to subscribe to the grief channel and have access to all the content. A day at a time–sometimes an hour! x

Hi Christie,
It feels like I have written those words because they echo my sentiments and feelings entirely. I cry a lot and keep asking him, " why did you leave me like this, please let me be with you."
I cannot imagine a future without him. He was taken too soon. He deserved so much more life. The pain inside is horrible.
On this site there are so many people like us, struggling to believe they have to face life without their soul mate and best friend.
Perhaps we just try to hold each others hands virtually, maybe strength will come through understanding that we are not alone in the darkness.


Reaching out a hand. :two_hearts: