Thank you. It is really helpful to hear from people in similar circumstances.
I’ve had another shocker of a day today. I see a photo of him and I end up just feeling crushed. It is just so unbelievable to me that I won’t see the face that I recognise so well again. I am in unbearable pain and just feel like I can’t cope.
I don’t know when I’m going to feel better and I feel like this is incredible pain to live in.
Just to say I am thinking of you and your family. The pain does feel unbearable and you are going to have some truly awful days ahead but you are going to come through them and you will find a strength you didn’t know you had. The mother’s instinct to nurture and protect will give you that strength. If possible now, and in the future, rely on friends and family. It is not an admission of failure to ask and accept help when you need it. Good friends at this time truly are lifesavers. There is nothing I can really say, or advice I can offer, but you are in my thoughts and prayers and I only wish I could help. Take care of yourself. Love Ev x
I suppose none of us know when the pain will go, and it frightens me to meet people years down the line who say that the pain never goes you just learn to live with it. Mostly I still feel utterly heartbroken by what he has lost (it was 6 months ago now and our daughter has changed so much already), I haven’t even started to consider what I have lost. On stronger days I think that’s silly, he is gone and so he doesn’t know that he is missing anything, but most of the time I just can’t believe that he won’t ever come back, and that all of that history and shared stories all mean nothing now because nobody else remembers them, or was there, or cares about some stupid silly thing that happened 12 years ago that still used to make us laugh. I guess it’s denial and its your mind’s way of protecting of you, although lord knows what happens when that passes and reality kicks in. Bleurgh.
I am so sorry that you have had a shocker of a day, I hope that you have people around to help with your children. Lots of people tell me that our daughter must be such a comfort but frankly, on some days, I just cannot deal with this grief and an irrational 3 year old at the same time. Xx
Sounds like we’re experiencing similar thoughts and feelings.
The girls haven’t been a comfort to me either. I love my girls deeply, but I’m am so overwhelmed by grief for my husband, for kids and for me.
I’ve decided to go back to Australia as its where I have lived for 11years, although my family is here in the UK, I feel like it’s my friends that are going to help pull me through this.
You will get through this albeit changed in some ways. I wish you and your family well when you return to Australia. Good friends are rare and so important so please let them help. Take care. Best wishes and love. Ev x
I agree that returning to Australia where your home and friends are is likely to be a good decision. Your friends will help you and you need to be surrounded by many familiar things, as do your girls. Best wishes to you all.
Hi KandL,
Well done on making the decision about going back to Australia - it was clearly a big decision to make and I hope that it feels like a bit of a relief to have a plan in place.
I just wanted to see if you or any of the others in this conversation were interested in being introduced to a new member? Karen lost her husband in February aged 47. I noticed that she has said that her husband was Australian, although I’m not sure whether they lived there or here.
Anyway, if anyone feels like reading and replying to Karen’s post, you can find it here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/lost-my-husband-february
KandL that certainly sounds like a tough decision, and sometimes any decision is better than limbo. Everybody has different circumstances and I am very fortunate that my family have been amazing on a practical level but it is my friends who I am most honest with. My family really just want me to be ok and so it can be hard to be honest with them about just how difficult this is. It is so weird to think that every decision is yours now, although in some cases it’s good to think that you don’t have to fight your case on every point anymore (that’s a thought for a good day though!) xx
I am so very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how devastated, lonely and lost you must feel. It’s 13 months today since I lost my husbsnd and I still feel I’ve lost a part of myself. I’ve read all the posts here and agree with everything. It’s a different way of life from the one we had before and somehow you manage to wake up every morning and get through the day in a robotic fashion. I’m pleased you are returning to Australia, this way you have a choice if you wish to come back right now you need to be in a familiar environment surrounded by people you know and love. But be prepared, when you return it will be very painful walking into your home without your husband. Hope you can have a friend stay with you for the first few days. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Take care. Libby x
Hi KandL,
I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing today? Do you know when you will be travelling back to Australia? I’m sure others on this site can be there to support you when you go.
Not great. But thanks for asking. The funeral was on Friday which I went though in a blur. Seems totally surreal. I wake up every morning and feel like I’m finding out about afresh again. The only peace I get is when I sleep. I’m in agony and can’t imagine life without him. Completely devastated. Not sure when we’re going back to Australia, need to see what is happening with the investigation into lee’s death.
I’m sorry that you are feeling so awful. On top of everything else, it must be very hard to have to wait for answers from the investigation. Keep posting here if you find that it helps. Thinking of you.
I know I speak for must of us on in this conversation in saying you are not alone in how you feel and it will get better. Today I heard the Jeremy Vine show on radio 2 and I think it may be worth finding it on radio player and listening to what was said, some of it may help. Just take your time in deciding what you want to do and want needs to be done. There is no rush for some things, you need time to do what’s right for you and your children’s future. God bless you and keep you safe.
Hi. At my husband’s funeral I felt it was all unreal too and I think it is the numbness that get’s you through it. It is over two years now and I still ask myself if it actually happened, in between doing the ordinary things that you have to do every day. My heart goes out to you and I hope when you get answers on Lee’s death it helps you. Thinking about you and wishing you some peace of mind. Take care Ev X
Hi just to say I know exactly how you feel my partner of 25years passed away suddenly on may11th this year and my heart is also broken I’m experiencing the feelings as yourself I feel I can’t do every day things that I took for granted Robert was my best friend and I miss him dearly words can’t explain just take one small step at a time and hopefully your pain will ease in time that’s what I’m hoping for just focus on yourself and your twins just now thinking of you take care xx
Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss. One month has passed for me niw and I’m still completely devastated. I suppose it would be unreasonable to expect to be anything else. Please feel free to contact me whenever you want to chat.
Hi Kandi. I am new to this forum and was just going through the threads and your post touched Me, how are things with you ?
I lost my husband on the 22nd September and it was a complete shock. It feels so raw and I cannot see any light . Just wanted to chat