Hi I’m 51 have a wonderful husband 2 boys 26 and 23 and a 3 year old grandson. But I feel so alone. I lost my mum 10 years ago this year, also my mother in law 3 months after. Then I lost my brother 4 years ago I was his carer as after my mum died my dad couldn’t cope with it all and then 2 years ago I lost my dad. I was with my mum at the end and my brother was given 2 weeks to live so I spent them with him every day at the hospital and then my dad died 2 years ago and I was the one to find him. I don’t talk to them about anything that I feel as they don’t seem to understand, I don’t know if that is a man thing. They are all so unemotional and me I cry at the drop of a hat. Losing my brother was the and still is the hardest grief I have ever dealt with I still can’t believe that he is gone. My dad was a different person after my mum died and didn’t want to do anything with the family and just wallowed in his own grief not thinking of anyone else or how they were feeling, he also didn’t treat me very well but near the end we got on a lot better.
I am retired and do fill my days with lots of things but everything that I do is always a struggle to do because all I think about is all the family that I have lost. I always say I’ve lost my first family, I’ve got no one to talk to about when I was growing up or if a doctor asks me about medical history I have no one to ask. and its all these little things that go round and round in my head all the time. I put on a front in front of friends and family because I feel by now I shouldn’t be grieving as much and no one wants someone whos always crying all the time. My friends are amazing and there for me and say I’ve been through a lot at a young age and I do get lots of support and cuddles and I do sort of get that from my husband and boys.
I don’t even know why I’m here writing everything down but I have had counselling after mum died and it seemed to work but don’t feel the need for it now as I do put into practice what I was shown then. How do you all move on and stop the tears and the intrusive thoughts if things were different my life would be different and how do you move on and just remember them and the good times.
I’m so sorry for your losses, @Trica. You’re not alone. You might want to read this thread which @Jpedin started yesterday. It sounds like you may relate to each other:
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support but I wanted to share that thread with you.
I’m so very sorry you’ve had so much loss and for the pain and sadness you feel. I understand the horrors of it all
I lost my younger son Henry in 2019…fifteen days after his 30th birthday. It was a terrible shock…devastating to me and my family.
Just ten weeks later my nephew committed suicide. We had barely come up for air and again the shock and devastation affected us all. Ten further weeks passed and my nephew’s Mum (my sister in law) contracted Covid and died aged 53. We couldn’t go to the funeral because of all the restrictions.
We then lost my uncle and my Dad. It felt as though death had moved in with us.
When death keeps coming you feel so overwhelmed…each death just brings back all the grief and pain which you’ve had no time to process.
I felt so disconnected from the world, everything was going on as normal but my life, my family life was completely changed for ever.
I meditated using the Headspace app. That
was and still is immensely helpful.
There is no timeline for grief. You’re doing so well to be able to speak openly on here so please don’t give yourself such a hard time. Be kind to yourself.
It sounds as though you’ve carried and supported other people for a long time. That’s exhausting. Don’t keep your feelings in… letting people know how you feel is important.
I’m retired like you. I keep busy and I try and focus my thoughts on those around me. I know I’ll be reunited with my son eventually.
There’s no magic bullet for grief. It’s part of our love for those who’ve gone. But keep posting here, you’ll get support and understanding.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Like myself you have been through so much but you do sound positive. Your words hit home of how I’ve put other people first and thinking about it I have all my life done that it’s hard to change that but I’m trying. I do keep busy and it helps and I did speak a little to my husband tonight to rest the waters and he listened so that was good. It took a while to get the courage to write here it I’m glad I’ve started.
Many thanks for your encouragement