Hello, Reading your story has brought so much back to me since the 10th of January when my partner sadly found our 13 week old baby boy Christopher at 6.40am not breathing he was pale, I rang an ambulance and within 10mins of my partner giving our son cpr on the livingroom floor the ambulance and police tuned up, and hooked Christopher onto machines and rushed him to hospital …in the hospital room me my partner my father and 2 police officers were standing next to my sons bed whilst the doctors were giving him cpr trying to give him oxygen …put different medicines into him through linings and nothing would bring my son back they tried everything, once we went home that afternoon 3.30pm from the hospital we was devastated 13 weeks into this world then taken back, but they sent my sons body to a coriner and during the time he was up in another hospital we had a phonecall to say there taking tissue samples from my sons hands to see genetics and they also took my sons brain to see if he had any fluid on the brain or any brain damage my sons death is still unexplained to now and I’m heart broken they couldn’t give me answers, I’m struggling and heart broken everyday but me and my partner are taking it in baby steps everyday I still can’t listen to the song at my boys funeral but I’ve managed to be able to look at his photos I’ve done him a memorial in my livingroom, so my 18month old daughter emelia can always remember her baby brother Christopher, and having his memorial in my livingroom has realised a lot of pressure off my shoulders as I feel there’s a part of my son with me at all times, I just wish this pain would get easier for us as a family, is there anyone out there who can relate to my story? About loosing a family member so close or even a baby ?
I’d love to talk to someone who can relate to me thankyou xxx
Sorry it’s took me so long to reply. We had Ruby’s birthday and her anniversary and I struggled bad.
I could feel my heart braking more And tears were running down my face reading about your Christopher. I’m glad you have a supportive partner because I am on my own and losing a child is lonely I feel like no one round me really knows how I feel and then I feel bad even thinking that because they are all going though there own pain. just like me you have your 18 month old to keep going for. I know some days it’s hard to have to keep going for other children but we don’t have a choice. My Ella was only 18 months old when Ruby died. She’s 2 and a half now and asked me if she can use Ruby’s dummy when she can’t find her own. It make me smile but at the same time I can feel that pain in my heart that I’m not sure if she really knows who’s dummy she’s asking for.
I don’t believe things ever get better, I’ve just found the shock of what happened has gone away.
I hope and pray you have a peaceful day today and sleep well tonight.
I’m always here if you need to talk. I will come on more often to check in with you.
I’m not always so negative as I’ve probably sounded in this message and my heartbreaks knowing this has happened to you because if I could wish for something it would be that this would never happen to anyone else 
Thank you for sharing your story. I work with mother’s and baby’s so your story is invaluable for me to learn a bit more for my work as well as very touching to read on a personal level. Sending you so much love and as you say, we just have to take life one step, one day at a time and by the way, it is okay to have those windows where we do feel joy again. Hugs and love, x