I separated from A for about 18 months but I loved him and we’d been back together a couple of years.
You have nothing to reproach yourself for - you supported him all through, even when separated you hoped he would make different choices. You loved him and saw the man he had been before this horrible addiction and abuse.
It must have taken such a strain on you, especially going back and staying.
I hope that in this time you will be able to recall all reasons you loved him. He was so much more than the addiction.
X
I am truly sorry for your loss, its just the worst thing I have experienced losing a sibling. I am an alcoholic, sober 17 years through AA. My brother was a functioning alcoholic, married to an alcoholic and neither he or his wife could get sober. He died suddenly 2nd July 2023. Why could i not have said something to him that got him sober? Why did he have to die. Why? With all my knowledge of this misunderstood, vile and evil disease I am STILL struggling to accept that I was utterly powerless. the only thing that helps is alcoholism took him quickly and he didnt suffer. His liver just packed up. The chaos though over the years, the trauma of it all, my heart breaks.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure you said what you could. It’s so frustrating that it isn’t enough to keep them safe.
At the end of the day I’ve realised I need to let go of the ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only I’d’ and accept it’s happened and I’ll never have answers just the loss!!
I agree it’s some consolation that he died quickly. I am grateful for that with A as well.
It’s so good to hear you’ve been able to keep dry. I hope you are getting support over this time as well.
It’s a horrid disease.
I am now only beginning to understand that I could never of got my late Husband sober through working the twelve steps via Al anon. It is an appalling disease, there were many times I felt totally unloved by him and he was so emotionally abusing. But I do know he loved me and our children, it was the chronic alcoholism. I am truly sorry for the utter pain felt when loss happens due to this dreadful condition.
Thank you. I am so so sorry for your loss too. It’s a pain I’ve never felt before if I’m honest. I felt like I was doing better but the last few weeks have been terrible. I feel so guilty as I wish I could have changed the outcome and done more. I really do hope you find some comfort soon too. Big hugs x
Carrotsgrl signposted me to this thread after I posted my own “losing a partner to addiction” one. Everything people have said here resonates so much; the unanswered questions, the emotional abuse, the caring responsibilities and the overwhelming guilt that I should have done more. I tried everything to help, he managed 6 months sobriety and attended AA, then he chronically relapsed and his body couldnt take it anymore. Staged interventions with GP, showing him life stories of friends who died from alcohol abuse, accompanying him everywhere to appointments, pleading with him to go back to AA, trying to give him structure and goals, refusing to allow him to drink in my home and asking him to leave when he violated that boundary with the promise he could return when sober. None of it worked. The latter boundary killed him because he was drunk and escalating into verbal abuse, i asked him to leave and return when sober, he left and died that night alone in a public place. The guilt is absolutely unbearable, it is tortuous. I feel like i caused his death, that maybe he felt i didnt love him anymore, when nothing was further from the truth. I adored him even with his addiction and cannot imagine life without him, nor do I want to. Everything seems meaningless.
I know its been a while since anyone posted here and I hope you’re all getting through each day. Take care.
Hi all, I am 35 and my dad had Parkinson’s disease. When I was 17 I lost my brother suddenly to suicide, my mum found him in his bedroom. In 2016 my dad died from Parkinson’s. In 2022 by Nan died aged 94. On the 16th January 2024 I had a knock on the door from the police, my sister aged 39 was found unresponsive in her house who lived an hour a a due after a welfare check from her friend. She had lost her job and found lockdown very hard. She was still looking to get another job and then split up with her boyfriend of 13 years just before Christmas. I have been struggling myself and found it hard to also be there for her as well as myself but was in contact over message.
I am finding out now that my sister was an addict and I didn’t know, I feel so guilty that as her sister she felt that she couldn’t tell me.
I don’t know how to ever get over this guilt and pain
the only thing that helps is alcoholism took him quickly and he didnt suffer. His liver just packed up. The chaos though over the years, the trauma of it all, my heart breaks.