Hello @Shiney999
I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack in front of me too. I cannot even ever find the words to describe to others how much of a shock that was. For months afterwards I was shaking all the time and crying constantly, having panic attacks, not sleeping… it felt like real life underneath the surface had been exposed to me… i saw no reason for anything anymore and just wanted to tidy up our affairs and kill myself in the way least hassle to anyone.
The dr gave me diazepam which i was extremely reluctant to take but eventually out of desperation i did start… they helped me get through Christmas 2020 in a state of numbness at times which helped me survive it.
The doctor told me to wean myself off them though and so i did.
About 3 months after his death I started counselling. I tried 2 counsellors who were crap before i found one who i felt was real and who i could talk to, she helped enormously and that 50 minutes a week kept me going at a time when i felt no one was listening.
That counseller recommended i speak to my doctor again about A/Ds… i did and again i was reluctant but after one day when i cried for 12 hours in the garden and thought id have to kill myself i decided i might as well try… it was awful at first, they give a lot of physical symptoms. However after a couple of weeks my side effects calmed down and since then i have remained on them. I think the anti depressants helped me get myself stable enough to deal with the massive life changes then coming from losing my husband (i had to learn to live alone, keep my job so i didnt lose the house, learn to drive… so many things…). I dont think i could have managed that as quickly (maybe at all in my case) without the A/Ds.
Everyone is different and the A/Ds don’t stop you grieving. They are for if your grief has turned into “complicated grief” with depression/anxiety. This is a chemical imbalance in your brain where you are no longer producing the right chemicals and that can’t be fixed easily without taking the chemicals or retraining your brain through talking therapy or suchlike…
Not everyone grieving should have them… best is to talk to a doctor and they should do the GAD Anxiety/Depression questionnaire with you.
Whatever you decide, good luck and I really hope things will get better. I felt nothing would change but for me things got much better against all the odds and whilst every day i grieve for things to do with my husband, I am also looking forward to a future again. Take care!