Hi Wendy, it was really good to read your message so thank you for replying to mine.
I think I know how you are feeling. It must be awful for you with the funeral still to face. I know that there is nothing I can say that will make it any better for you. Would you believe that I never went to my mum’s funeral? I knew that if I saw a coffin and knew that my mum was lying inside it I would go completely mad. Fortunately, my sisters understood this and were entirely supportive.
But the initial horror and shock were soon replaced by the numbness and indifference which is very hard to bear. I feel I have grieved more over the loss of a family dog. My mum was so good and I loved her so much that I am horrified that I feel this way. I stay up late at night, writing about her and digging out old photos - partly because I need to preserve all my memories and partly because I feel I need to prove my loyalty to her. Like you, I feel my head is full of crap most of the time or even completely empty.
I am really sorry for what you’re going through but it has helped me a lot to know that you seem to be feeling the same way.
Oh Thankyou for that , I am glad I am not alone … I will be glad when my mam is laid to rest as I don’t like to think of her laid in that cold rest room … hopefully I will be able to move on after than … Thankyou for your reply marigold . And hope your feeling better and can get on track in the new year xx
I didn’t go to my Mum’s funeral either - for exactly the same reasons as you…
My sisters were supportive too.
I too still feel numb - I think it’s best to just carry on as best you can without analyzing it too much. I went to a grief counsellor a few weeks ago - she said my grief is completely normal, so I try not to analyze it as much, and I then occasionally break down.
I don’t think you will forget anything, but it is nice to write it down also. I don’t think you need to prove your loyalty to your Mum as it sounds like you were there for your Mum 100%
It is very surreal…
Samantha x
Hi Samsz, just wanted to thank you for your message. You’re right - best not to analyze things too much.
I hope we all get through New Year ok. I hate the thought of having to say mum died “last” year. It’s as if she’s receding more and more into the past and I don’t want this to happen. I am going to ignore the whole thing as much as I can.
Hello,
I just wondered how all of you are doing?
I am still feeling numb - I feel like I pushed my feelings away as it was too much to cope with, but now they won’t come back.
If I sat down and gave myself 5 minutes to think about it I know my feelings would come - but I can’t do that…
Samantha x