Is it worth doing a video then ? Honestly i took a video of my husbands last holiday and so glad i did . Its lovely to remember him and see that lovely cheeky face ! Xxx
I agree, I watch the videos my wife recorded on her phone for my son and I every day - many times over to be honest.
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If itās at all possible try make videos or take photos of your husband in everyday situations even if itās painful to do,when he is no longer with you looking at him and listening to his voice will at first cause you pain but in time it will prove something to treasure. Of the many things I miss the most my wifeās voice is near the top of the list.
It may be difficult to do but think about it.
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Aw ā¦ i know and thats good you have them !!! Xx
It might seem that way now - but I wish my partner had made me a video log - I searched everywhere in the hope she had. Someoneās perspective changes when facing their own mortality and there will be things he wants to say that didnāt seem necessary before.
Itās not about how they look in the video - my partner was a shadow of herself at the end compared to when she was healthy physically, but thatās irrelevant to me - itās her. She will always be beautiful to me inside and out regardless whether she was at her peak health or close to death.
I wish I had something more detailed and personal that is a permanent record of her - her voice, her mannerisms, how she was, how she phrased things.
With time memory will start to become a bit hazy.
Home videos are of situations, usually with other people there - not a personal conversation they have with you - you donāt do that in normal day to day life because you just say it to the person in the moment - thereās no reason to record it
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Yeh fair enough . . Each to his own 
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My husband was not too bad when we did our video ā¦ at the time i thought it was a bit crass but now im so glad my daughter in law did it ā¦ it was of all of us not just my husband ā¦ x
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Itās not something I even considered before - itās retrospective.
If Iād have asked, she wouldāve - she was trying to get me to accept that she might not make it in her own way - but I refused to talk about funerals or what might be without her.
Just hell bent on trying to find something to save her or extend her life. I was still consulting with another liver specialist in India about a liver transplant less than a month before she died.
I knew she was too weak to travel or survive a major surgery.
I guess that was my coping mechanism at the time.
Discussing funerals or anything related to her death was giving up on her.
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Yeh i know what you mean ā¦ i did same - did all i could do ! I only wish the hospital had tried that too but i feel let down by them tbh ā¦ i feel they fooled us all along with false hope and they got so much wrong 
xx
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Iāve got no faith in NHS - when it spread to her liver, the MDT wrote her off, said done all theyāre prepared to do and itās stock standard chemo now and sheās got 12 months best case scenario if chemo works - good luck.
Iād have started consulting with foreign hospitals at beginning of diagnosis if Iād have known what I know now.
I wouldnt accept anything a dr at NHS says and second guess everything
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Absolutely agree, we spent 8 weeks of the NHS trying to work out what my wifeās cancer was - at which point jaundice had kicked in. NHS werenāt prepared to stent, drain or start chemo. We had to go private at that point - the standard of care, and speed, were exceptional - but if Iād known how terrible the NHS would be, or how they would write off my wife, I would have gone private from the very start. I still question if that would have made a difference.
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Itās shocking - and you donāt know what you dont know - hindsight is always 20:20.
I also donāt know if it would have made a difference in long run - but she would still be here now at very leastš
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Yeh i agree ! They were so slow at finding my husband cancer ! Took them 2 months even sfter being in hospital for 2 weeks ! Then another 4 weeks for damn well MDT to decide about treatment by which time it had spread and they wouldbt treat him ! They just too slow ! And also have you noticed the government have now told then to speed up disgnosis !! Tioo late for our loved one
I just wish i had gone private but we dunno if it would mske any difference ? We just donāt know ???
The consultant told my husband in september - its nothing sinister !!! Wow ! By December - hes gone !!! Omg !!!
I think the drs these days are lazy ! There doesnāt seem to be any sense of urgency anymore !!!
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I wish i had gone priviate and i agree same ! I wouldve gone private from start ! He went in hospital end of july for investigations ! Took them until damn October to work out it was bladder cancer ! By november told him nothing they could do ! Upto july admission he was fit ! ( though obviously not well !!!)
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@Deb5
We were put off going private because apparently everything could be co-ordinated better within the NHS. When my husbandās oncologist ignored some symptoms, he did see another consultant privately and had the result within a week.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
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We have done all that and had a big investigation ā¦ i know a lot more now but i still think they messed about !!! i still think if theyhad found it quicker he wouldāve had more of a chance ā¦ sadly !
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@Rome18 Thatās what we were told at the start as well, so we delayed going private as a consequence. In Pamelaās case, I donāt think it would have made any difference given how aggressive the cancer was but itās a question that will forever remain
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Hello, itās like you say, those little things we miss so much.
The texts messages with love and hearts, the coffee my Partner made me every morning.
The conversions the Hugs.
Life is so boring without my Partner.
The Silence is deafening, the Loneliness is painful.
I know how you feel after the Funeral everyone forgets you, they think it must be getting better for us, when in fact it gets worse.
It will be one year on 6th sept for me and i still havenāt begun grieving fully.
I feel your pain.
One step at a time with everything.
You have my deepest condolences.
You take care.
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I thought the same about my sons cancer ,it was all so Quick,and I wondered if I should have got private scans. He was dead within 3 months , but he had no symptoms until he got pains in his legs.
My son was on epilepsy drugs for over 25. Years, I do wonder now if being on medication for such a long time can cause cancer. He saw the epilepsy nurse every year and had regular blood test every 3months. The last one he had in march showed his liver function was high. He was going to have another test on the day he went into hospital.
I wonder if people who are on long term meds should have a endoscopy every 2years
The thing is the meds kept him fit free for 25 years,and he lived life to the fall. But it does make you wonder. As I said before I wonder about the COVID vaccines
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Hi KH 77
I am so sorry for your loss. You have found a beautiful place to share your grief. I have been helped immensely by this forum after losing my husband
Your journey has only just started and I bet you still have that knot in your stomach. Canāt eat and canāt sleep and definitely donāt want to go out to face people as they carry on with their lives when ours feels like it has ended. It does get better, you get through one day and then another. You go back to work and you are able to go to the supermarket and have a coffee with a friend. You start to laugh and enjoy your day a little bit. I have never felt complete since my husband left and I doubt I ever will but I am learning to adjust my life. Some days are very long when you are on your own so I try and keep busy doing mundane stuff. I do still struggle cooking for one!
I have also never got over not receiving a txt msg. That has to be the worst for me. I still send him msgs so he is at the top of my list.
I hope your journey goes well and sending love
Angela x
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