My dearest and closest friend died suddenly last week after being given the All-Clear following a year of chemo for breast cancer. One month after being told the cancer had gone she was dead after it suddenly and aggressively returned and spread to her spine and liver.
I am devastated and desperately trying to get a grip of grieving. My family (partner and son) seem to think that I should be feeling better by now (just a week on, for goodness sake!!!) and should “think of the positives” ie what a great person she was (which she was). In other words my family think I should snap out of it when I feel as if I’m disappearing down a rabbit hole of grief and depression which I feel unable to show externally as I feel guilty for being so low and under great pressure to “get back to normal”.
My friend and I didn’t have any mutual friends so I can’t grieve with them. (We lived some distance apart and originally met via a support network for parents of teens with mental health struggles.)
I signed up for SMS support texts from Sue Ryder but they only sent me 3… I signed up for support emails and only got 1. So no support there, sadly.
I feel absolutely terrible - grieving like mad yet feeling under pressure to “snap out of it” and see the “positive side of things”. As if it’s possible to grieve for a few days then ping back to how I was as if nothing had happened or at least to think of our 13-year very deep and mutually supportive friendship in a warm, happy, grateful glow rather than feeling distraught at the cruel and sudden loss and the massive hole this has left in my life.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, and that you’re not getting the understanding and support that you need right now. You are not alone - most of our members have experienced the loss of a loved one and will understan some of what you’re going through.
I’m sorry our Grief Coach service wasn’t for you. It’s a one-way service so may not be what you’re looking for right now. Shout is a two-way support service which you might find more helpful right now. Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, too. I just wanted to you know that you have been heard and the community is here for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I agree that people seem to think that grief has a certain time length and after a few weeks it’s all better. I also feel that with the loss of a friend, not all people understand that this is as devastating a loss as anyone else.
Hi. I lost my best friend of 20 years. In june 2023. It was absolutely awful but for my kids and family and work i had to keep going. During that period i was crying so much , drinking at night just to sleep and after 3 month i had to see a councillor as i jusy wasnt healing . I did call the hotlines at the beggining to. Cry if u need to…let the tears fall. Dont hold them in. Write a journal. Write to her. Talk to her in the skies. Its sad to lose your best friend as they were just as much of family to us. I feel your pain. Its now 2nd year and i cry less but still miss him very much. Be kind to yourself and know your not alone on this xxxx just give yourself time.xxxx
Hi
Thank you so much for your message, I’m sorry for your loss too.
It is so hard isn’t it.
I have had very short periods of time where I’ve felt a tiny bit brighter, but then feel so guilty for moving on with my life.
I know it is going to take time.