Hi Rainey
That sounds positive that you could let tears out with your counsellor. They need to come out somehow. I really hope it helps. X
Yes it seems like only a minute ago I had grandparents, mum, dad, sister, dog and cat and so was part of an active family and one by one they have gone and no new members have arrived into the family. Now me and my dad.
Glad you seem to have started well with the counselling today. Sending supportive thoughts to you
Hi All,
Sorry to see so many messages it really is tough but it’s nice not to feel alone. I’ve also started a conversation in End of Life (Mum is dying) so if anyone wants to join in with that too please feel free.
I do feel Ann that you are already grieving for your Mum, I feel I did that with mine as I had a two year maximum timeframe for Mum and she made 23months but I’ve been calmer in general than I thought I’d be but I did so cuh grieving the past two years it’s just so sad.
Thinking of you all too - all of us only children. Not so alone now though thanks to everyone x
Hi All
Hope everyone has got through the week as best as possible.
Hi JayDee
Doesn’t it help knowing there are other people out there who understand something of what you are going through. Thanks for reaching out.
I’m so tired this week. I have been caring for my mum for 7 months now and although I wouldn’t want to do anything else, it is exhausting mentally. I feel so bad I have no time to dedicate to grieving my dad properly who died in May as I’m preoccupied grieving things I’ve already lost with my mum such as her mobility and dignity with the toilet etc.
I hope you have got through the week in one piece?
Ann x
Hi there. I have just been reading all these posts and wanted to add some comments. Firstly how are things now? I am an only child and my Dad passed away Dec '17 so just over a year ago. I still have my Mum who now has care three times a day as she has very limited mobility. It has been a very difficult year as you will appreciate as not only do you deal with your own grief but that of the surviving parent. I was very close to my Dad and Mum and I did not have the best of relationships. However I am now at the point where we are a lot closer as a result of all that has happened. I visit her at least twice a week sometimes staying overnight and although things are pretty good now the one thing I am noticing is that I do not laugh as much as I used to and do not have as much time for friends as I used to. There is no doubt life has changed so much but it is adapting to a new normal and not thinking too far ahead because I do worry how things will progress in the future as regards Mum’s health but I cannot control that. So as an only child there is such a responsibility but I hope you are in a much better position now and we must keep well to be able to continue to help. Best Wishes and take care x
Hi Dolphin1
Lovely to hear from you. My dad died May 17 then I was thrown into caring for my mum who died in May 18. It’s been an awful ride to be on but I do get a lot of comfort from the fact I did all I possibly could for my mum.
I hope you are getting enough help? I had some good advice in the middle of caring for my mum. Don’t loik too far back or too far forward. I hope it helps you too.
Ann xx
Hi Ann, You more than anyone appreciate the circumstances and I am so sorry for your loss. As you say you take comfort from knowing you did all you can and I feel I am doing all I can but there is still that guilt ‘could I be doing more?’ For me it has been a bit of a rollercoaster because things have settled now but I am now feeling all the stress of last year and I have not been that well the last few days. This is the first time I have felt like this since Dad died so think things are just ‘catching up with me’ so I really need to focus and concentrate more on me and my health. Am going off to the sunshine in a coupe of weeks so that should help. I feel I am getting enough help and if I feel I need something else I will seek further support. I wish you all the best and if you ever need a listening ear it will be lovely to chat Lynne x
ps we have spoken before so it is great to hear from you xx
Hi Lynne
I do remember our chats here 
I am glad you have some sunshine booked. Getting away from the routine helps in whatever you are going through.
Glad you feel like you have enough help too. I went on a sort of care melt down and one point before my mum moved into a nursing home and reached a point where my own health suffered so much. It was scary. I couldn’t help myself or my mum so realised you do have to look after your own health too otherwise you are good for no one.
Your emotions about your dad are bound to catch up with you. I still feel I have focused so much more on my my mum and the grief for her while in reality I had a stronger bond with my dad while he was alive so it’s odd to be grieving more for my mum. I think it is because I got to know her in a whole new way while I cared for her and my dad was 11 years older so it felt more natural that his time had come. My mum on the other hand was robbed of time. She had cared for my dad for 10 years then any quality time after my dad was stripped away and riddled with the most horrific pain and cancer. It just feels so unjust.
I think if you are a caring person, you will always feel that you could do more and guilt to some extent. When I feel like that, I remind myself I ended up in hospital by neglecting myself so I physically and mentally simply gave all I had. (I Ended up with Jaundice and a very poorly gallbladder due to stress and not looking after myself a couple of weeks before my mum died).
Take care and let the grief out about your dad as it happens. I really believe grief needs to come out otherwise it eats you up.
Here if you want to chat too.
Ann xx
Hi All
Just wondered how you are all doing?
On the face of it I seem to be doing ok but I can get knocked for 6 by the slightest things. I miss my mum and dad so much.
Mothers day is coming up and it is filling me with dread. I knew last year’s card would be the last I bought for my mum. It was such a difficult time and now it is just quiet and sad.
Just wanted to reach out to see how you are all doing.
Ann xx
Hi Ann Lovely to hear from you. Yes it is hard because when it was Father’s Day last year I found that incredibly difficult so I can appreciate how you feel. What you need to remember is that your Mum is at peace now as is your Dad and they are always with you. Cards and reminders are all around so remember your Mum on this day and all the happy times you had with both your parents. You are you because of them. You will always miss them as I will always miss my Dad. Take care of yourself Lynne x
Hi Lynne,
Thank you so much for the reply. You are so right in that we are who we are because of our parents. I tell myself that a lot and I still do things so that they would be proud of me, even though they are no longer here.
How are things with you? How is your mum doing? How are you feeling now about your dad?
Ann xxx
Will like you always miss my Dad and most of all miss talking to him. Mum is doing well and we are becoming closer which is nice. So things are good. I sometimes write Dad a letter where I can write down all my feelings, letting him know how we are. I find this comforting when I feel a bit low. You take care xx
Ah. That’s a nice idea writing him a letter. X
I’m pleased your mum is doing better and you are getting closer. That is a really lovely thing to come out of all this.
Take care
Ann xx
You take care too Ann and if you ever need a chat drop me a message Lynne x
Hi Rainey, I too am an only child and I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I unfortunately lost my husband in December after a six year fight against bowel cancer. Both my parents are still alive but my Mum aged 89 has dementia and Dad aged 95 has mobility problems.They totally refused to have carers and until December 2017 i was struggling alone to look after them and support my husband. Mum had a fall and ended up in hospital and in January 2018 she was admitted to a care home. I have felt so guilty about this but as last year progressed and my husband deteriorated there was no way I could have continued to care for her at home. I now run my Dad’s home as well as my own, deal with all of their financial affairs as well as all the dealings of my own since my husband died. My Dad is the opposite to yours and gets emotional and worries excessively about everything! Sometimes I feel like I just want to disappear! I don’t want to be a burden to my own two children, but like you i wish someone would just take care of me for a change! Keep Strong, I think us only children are made of strong stuff! Sending you my best wishes.
Hi there. Have just read your message and you have had a lot to deal with. Have you had any support at all for example counselling or contact with a local carers support group. You cannot do everything alone and you really sound like you need to get some help. You are trying to deal with your husband’s death too and you should be getting some support from for example Macmillan, Marie Cure or similar. Seeking help is a sign of true strength because I sought help following my Dad’s death and now that I care for Mum realise that I cannot do all this alone. I also constantly think of what my Dad would be saying and that would be to take care of your Mum but not at the expense of your own life. Mum now has care three times a day in her own home and I live 35 minutes away and make sure she has everything she needs plus see her for a couple of days a week and it is working well. I too deal with all her financial affairs etc.
What would your husband be saying to you now? You sound an incredibly strong person and you have dealt and are dealing with so much. Are there any other family members you can turn to? I am really concerned for your wellbeing so please reach out and seek some help. You have to take care of yourself. Best wishes to you Lynne x
14mo on for me, dad passed suddenly. Only way mum can cope is not talking about him or marking anything… But that feels wrong to me, I’m scared I’m forgetting things. And I desperately want my now 5yo to remember him too. It’s very lonely.
Just lost my mom too last month 20 days before i turn 20 it was hard because the same with all of you I feel alone all though I’m not an only child because i have a brother on my mom’s side i still feel like i am because my brother isn’t emotionally and physically here the same with my father my father was emotionally unavailable but he was here. I felt like i lost everything when i lost my mom because as an introverted type of person my mom was my everything my best friend and my sister, i wasn’t close to my relatives although i have friends but they’re not always there for me because i know that they have their own battles too. It felt lonely knowing it’s just me and my dad in the house and it’s hard to not have someone to comfort you or make you feel loved or affection that a mother could give i miss her soo much anyways we got this and i hope you find a reason to continue living and be happy