Hi Pat, you never know how things will turn out if you venture forth into your allotment. Take Xmas dinner with you. You might meet others who feel the same and are digging on Xmas Day, then get talking and invite them to share your lunch in a potting shed. Who knows? but I can bet nothing will happen if we are home hiding under the blankets.
Taking risks are worthwhile. I’ve learnt that if I go to a cafe and drink outside (if the weather is nice.), and see a lady on her own at a table, I always ask if I can join her. I often ask them to hold my dogs whilst I go to order my coffee and carrot cake. They are usually in love with them by the time I get back. I’m 74 so I don’t think they suspect me of being on the pull! On every occasion, they look up with a smile and say “please do”. Everybody likes company, and hate being on their own as well.
My dogs turn on the charm again and we spend half an hour chatting about the weather, the price of haddock, where we live etc etc, and the dogs beg a bit of her cake.
Men are more difficult, they are often too cautious to open up, I’m not sure why.
PS I met one lovely lady in this way, and we chatted happily for an hour, and we now meet for lunch from time to time. (but definitely no romance!!)
It’s taking the first step out your comfort zone that’s difficult.
I went away myself for a few days recently and said “big girl pants” on, you can do this!!
Another “first” coped with. But relieved to be home.
I too went away, it was a week in Northumberland, originally booked for me and my husband, so I still went, and it was ok, but I was glad to get home, felt weird being there alone, but I’m still glad I did it
I know how you feel. I’m dreading Christmas. My husband and I were married for 47 years and like you and Penny we were very close and did everything together. Unlike you I have no one inviting me to spend Christmas with them. I’m dreading it. Your plans for Christmas sound great . It’s just the kind of thing I’d like to do but I’m not brave enough to do it on my own. Take care of yourself.
Hi Laraine.g1. Its still early for many people to think of inviting you. I’d suggest you try something safer and closer to home, before you decide to walk along towering cliffs in a blizzard. Do it now!
Why not think of a place you love, pack a picnic and go and have that picnic. You’ll take those happy memories with you, and chat incessantly to him. Do it soon, and get your confidence. Laughter and tears are good.
Please don’t stay home and hide in bed.
I’ve loads of other ideas. Board a dog from an animal charity. Help to serve the homeless with a Xmas dinner, find someone else on their own and visit them.etc etc.
Last year was my first Christmas without Doug, and it wasn’t as bad as I feared. Spent a couple of days with my daughter, family and grandchildren. My son and family came for lunch too.
Doug loved Christmas, so to honour his memory and he would be disappointed if I didn’t. I still put up Christmas decorations and lights both inside and out the house so he could see them from his heavenly place.
My family made sure I wasn’t alone over the whole holiday period including New Year’s Eve. We made Doug part of our day.
This year I will be doing the same, I’ve already got an advent calendar. Always a religious non choc one.
It makes me smile when I remember we always argued who would open the first window, it made a difference to who got to open Christmas Eve and the crib scene. I do miss him.
Hi tykey
Your so right, staying under the blankets is of no help although I have been tempted once or twice myself when feeling particularly low but as you know having dogs you don’t have this ‘luxury’. Its up and out no matter what the weather. By going out we have the oportunity to talk to people and there are a lot of them about that are lonely. I have long chats with both men and women everyday and my dogs do help to break the ice but I have also had people thank me to stopping to listen to them.
Well done to those of you that are doing things out of your comfort zone and don’t we feel better for making the effort!!! We are literally having to learn to ‘walk’ again and we might fall over from time to time but we have to get up and go on trying.
patxx
Hi Laraine
I am so sorry you are already dreading Christmas. Still a few months away so don’t give it a thought for the time being.
I don’t think any of us feel we are coping in the early days of our grieving.
You don’t have to be brave to go out for a walk. Have you a park nearby, a nice area to take a stroll or somewhere to have a sit down. Try smiling at people and you will be surprised how many will chat. Nearer Christmas go for a walk and take a look at the window displays, it cheers me up.
Take a look in your area to see if there are any Christmas dinners being arranged by the local council or church groups.
Good luck
This will be my first Christmas without my wife lou ,I have been invited for dinner,But something tells me not to,so it will be a crash out on the sofa and a ready meal
Hi Bussteve
I can rememer my first Christmas after I lost my husband and as kind as my family was for making sure that I was with them by picking me up and bringing me home I found the time with them a real struggle. My head was all over the place and all I wanted to do was be back home. The second year was much better and now I feel I can manage a Christmas on my own without feeling sorry for myself. I can make my own plans with a clear head and I don’t feel the need for company. Having to put a brave face on with a smile can be exhausting.
So take your time and do what you feel is right for you.
xx
Dreading it .been looking after my mum
Last couple months since my partner passed…we always stayed on our own Xmas day till
Last year .Once it gets dark I’ll go crazy
Hi Debbie, Like you last Christmas was my first without Keith only I had only just lost him 12th December. No way did I want to celebrate Christmas. I had no interest in putting up the tree and decorations, I couldn’t bear to see the presents I had bought for him. The night he passed away three of my children were able to come and say goodbye before the undertakers took him but one had two young girls and lived an hour away so was unable to make the journey. He did come up when the girls had gone back to their mother on the Monday. We had arranged for them all to come boxing day and he said he would cancel if I didn’t feel up to it, I told him to still bring the girls as I wanted Christmas to be for them they were only 5&6 so wouldn’t understand why they weren’t coming to see nanny and grandad B. Before they came he had told them grandad had gone to heaven and bless them they never mentioned him when they came. It gave me the incentive to do the tree and decorations for them, although we didn’t have the traditional Christmas dinner, that I couldn’t do knowing he wasn’t there to share it with us. Having all my children and grandchildren got me through the day. It will always be a sad time around Christmas but I have my family to share it with. I try to remember the good ones with him. Life is hard without them but we have to remember the good times and carry on like they would want us to. I went with my son and his girls on holiday this year and we are already booked up for next year. It’s hard knowing that he won’t be with us but in my heart he is with me wherever I go. I know he wouldn’t want me to sit at home just wishing my life away, so I am making the best of it. I’m not strong enough yet to go it alone, but will one day
Take care
Agree with beach girl,
It’s for the kids isn’t it?
Last year I didn’t put tree or decorations up saying the lights were broken - only for one granddaughter to say her dad would fix them for me! I reluctantly put a few up but not the tree.
This year another granddaughter decided I needed Halloween stickers on my window - - the neighbours will think I’ve flipped. Ha ha.
So for the girls I will do the Xmas thing.
do my best and get thru it.
It’s definitely for the kids. It seems as if they are all the family I have. His own sister messages me now and again when she thinks about it but his brother hadn’t been in touch since the funeral. Mind they were always like that. Christmas day will be spent on my own, with my children and grandchildren descending on me Boxing Day. Tree and decorations will be up for them but again no traditional Christmas dinner, without him I don’t want it. I’m sorry you don’t have your family with you. I feel so lucky but there are times when you want to be left alone
I agree also. Christmas is for kids. I don’t even understand their toys anyway.
My first Christmas was just weeks after losing Brian and a Tree was the last thing on my mind but my family turned up and decorated mine. I have managed this ever since and even put lights on the outside of the house.
Christmas has little meaning to me though. So full of greed. However my lights prove I am not a complete grinch…
Hi @Beachgirl
Last year must have been so hard for you, my husband died in March, by the time Christmas came 9 months had past.
Yes Christmas is for children, my grandchildren are all teenagers now or much older, but I do have one great grandchildren, who will be three a couple of days after Christmas day.
We all love to gather together to remember dad, grandad and will do the same again this year.
I hope this Christmas is kind to you, and sending love to everyone else who for what ever reason can’t face the holidays or have no family to share with.
Debbie x
Hi Laraine
Most of my family have deserted me also including my daughter who moved abroad. My husbands daughters and his side of the family haven’t been in touch since the funeral although I have tried to make contact. These were all people I was close to but seem to have forgotten I exist now. However I am not going to dwell on them now although it hurt like hell at first but I have managed so far without them and will continue to do so.
My thoughts are with you laraine and I hope you can find strength to come through this awful time.
