Hi Lucy. Firstly I must apologise for not replying. I was pretty poorly sign dry socket infection and then we moved house and new job etc so the stress and anxiety is immense. I came on here as this past week I’ve been missing mum so badly and felt so low. Hormones haven’t helped as I’m starting menopause but it sort of comes in waves and when a wave of grief hits it’s just awful. How are you coping? How’s life for you at the mo? Someone posted on here that after the initial long numbness when a year or two passes it hits us and other people wonder what’s up. That’s how I feel right now. I am home living where I grew up loads of memories of mum and dad and it’s lovely but bittersweet. I love to re-trace their steps and go where they went but nothing stops this yearning. I find I’m getting hurt by friends as nobody matches up to my mum nor ever could and I’m looking for that unconditional love. Anyway I’m so sorry for the huge laspe of time and hope you’re alright x
Hello all I have just been reading through your chats and wanted to share my experience in the hope it will help even if it’s to show you are not alone. I lost my mum 2 months ago and been slowly losing her for the last 2 years to dementia and Alzheimer’s. I have suffered anxiety for years but the last months it’s gone into overdrive. I am worried all the time thinking about scenarios where I have done something wrong and second guess myself and beat myself up. I developed OCD when my dad died when I was 21 but found ways to manage it. I miss her so much but I am finding it strange that it appears to be manifesting as fear and guilt over really rather stupid things and scenarios rather than the overwhelming grief I thought I would be experiencing. Gosh can’t I even get that right. I remember reading a quote from CS Lewis that forgive me if I get this wrong is how close grief is to fear as a feeling and that’s how it feels to me. I know my mum and your special people would not want us to be feeling like this and want us to live our best lives but if anyone has any words of wisdom to help and support us through these times they would be most welcome 
Hello all previous posters,
After reading all these posts I feel less alone, that others go through and have gone through what I seem to be going through.
I lost my mum just over a year ago and have had panic episodes afterwards, health and death anxiety has followed.
I was responsible for mum in her last few years and she was in a care home, suffered from dementia near the end.
Since her passing I have started to see the world differently, like I’ve lost my bearings/template. I’m seeing a therapist and have gone through CBT and I have spent tons of time (meditating) just away from stimulus trying to relax my body and mind.
I am not the same anymore and I don’t know what to feel about that. I was close to mum, and feel that a part of me has gone, she always saw a positive side of me, maybe that’s unconditional love.
I have 3 lovely kids and a wife.
Some days are easier than others.
I go some trails of heavy anxiety around her first year anniversary
But I got through it
Just
A part of me wants this all to go away, like it never happened because living with anxiety is damn tough at times, but another part kinda recognises that these changes I’m going though are irrevocable.
It is forcing me to learn about my body and brain like I’ve never done before. I read books like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.
I think I found this space because I needed to express this stuff, to ppl who may understand.
Maybe I’ll join a group of some kind