Should I move from my home?

What lovely memories, Sheila. You paint such vivid pictures.

I think to our loved ones we were always young, no matter how old we got. I didn’t see my husband as old and he felt the same about me. We only saw each other as we were when we first met. Now I feel so old because I am no longer reflected in my loving husband’s eyes. Hold tight to your wonderful memories.

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Dear Elvispresley69,

I so relate to what you have written. My husband wanted to remain at home and I honored his wishes, but it was very traumatic at the end–raw and ugly. Not how death is portrayed in the movies. I find it very hard to enter the room where my husband died and the bad memories of my husband’s illness still hang over the house. I understand your indecision about moving–it’s why I posted in the first place --because I needed to hear others experiences. For now I have decided to just stop thinking about it so hard because I was just going round and round and making myself more miserable. I am hoping with time, the answer will become clearer. Also, Covid has complicated the situation. You are wise and I think it is wise not to make any hasty moves. For now, I am decluttering, trying to fix up the house as if I were going to move and if I decide not to sell, well I then have a clean, uncluttered house that’s in better shape. It is also a focus for now and a distraction from the pain. It sounds like you have a strong support network where you are and that is an important consideration. I do not really, There is not alot to tether me to this town. My adult children live far away, my closest friends have moved away and like many on this forum I have found that acquaintances and even some friends have fallen away and disappeared. So looking around, I think, what is holding me here. My husband is no longer here, but he is deep in my heart. I share your pain at the loss of our loved ones. I can hear the sorrow in your post and send you hugs and best wishes. I will definitely let you know if and when I come to a decision. I hope you can find the right choice for yourself as well. Please let me know as well what you decide. Hugs, Jane2

Dear AnnR,
Your new location sounds so good! And having your daughter and other family pop in more often sounds perfect. I agree that a change can be good in so many ways. It is invigorating and stimulating in ways that can be so beneficial. I am happy for you that you made the decision and taken the brave leap. I am definitely leaning in that direction as well. There is so little keeping me in this town–my adult children live far away, good friends have moved away, and many acquaintances and others have “disappeared” after an initial flurry of concern. I get it. Life marches on for everyone. So ultimately we are left to find our own way and our own answers and what works best for us.
Thank you so much for your good advice and support. I think exploring new places can be enjoyable and I know it will eventually become clearer what my best choice is.
Hugs and all the best in your new situation,
with love, Jane2

Thank you Jane2. I wish you all the best too. I would love to know what you decide and how it goes. Hope you find your happy place sooner rather than later.
Hugs, Ann

Dear Jane
Like you, funny enough, whilst i am indecisive, i have decided to get the house into a good place, where, if i did want to sell, i would be in ship shape.
I have not started the declutter. I think, probably because of the fear of touching any thing that is my husband’s, i have not touched any of it, and though its not in the clutter category, i know its another challenge i will have to face in the future.

I think if i do move, it will be in the same area, because of my connections. So i do not have to face a different area. It will be a massive fresh start for you karen, so you to sound so wise, how you have mapped out a doable progression, if you ever feel ready.

The last thing we need is any regrets, the reality of loosing our loved one’s is hard enough. If i do ever make the leap, i will look for this thread and update you.

So sorry you had such a traumatic passing at home to . It really does play havoc in the whole loss impact. As you say, not romantically pleasant passing, like in a movie, so feel for you. Massive warm heart felt hug to you.

My husband died at home. Fortunately, if you can call it that, my brother in law is a critical nurse at Addenbrooks hospital. Despite his and everyone’s best efforts they couldnt bring Martin back from his heart attack but he made sure that after the paramedics left, he made Martin look very comfortable so that I could go and say goodbye to him.
Strangely I have had no problem with being in the room where he passed but our home became just a house after that day.
In the early days I was just waiting for Martin to walk through the door and make things normal again.
A few more weeks down the line and I am beginning to feel a bit more settled. I think I will need to tweak a few things to feel more settled so I know to stay would have been the right idea.

My dilemma comes from a different angle. In July we was supposed to have a new kitchen, obviously I put everything on hold. Do I go a head and have exactly what we choose, will it make me sad to know Martin isn’t here to enjoy it or do I go totally different so it feels like a fresh start :woman_shrugging:t3::broken_heart:

Dee xxxx

Hello Dee.

I can only tell you of my own experience. When my wonderful husband passed he had only been retired for just over two months and we had so many projects planned. I decided to continue with them but obviously I had to get a handyman in to help. I am so glad I did because I know David would have approved of the end results. Everything was done just as we had planned together and so he remains very much a part of it. I know he would be chuffed to bits that I continued with our plans.

I’m sure you’ll make the right decision for you Dee. xx

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My husband became ill eight years before he died. Before he became ill, we had purchased wallpaper, paint etc. to decorate two rooms but he didn’t have the strength to do it and didn’t want the upset of decorators in. He died seven years ago and the year after he died I decided to go ahead and decorate the two rooms with the items we had bought all those years before.

I got a decorator and he did it exactly as we had planned, now my front and back lounges are decorated in the exact same way my husband would have done it and it pleases me to know that even though it is now 15 years since we bought the wallpaper and paint etc, I can sit in my room and still feel him all around me. If I were you, I would go ahead and have your new kitchen fitted because you chose it together and that means it must have needed changing.

I have bought new sofas and carpets since my husband died only because they were ruined with all the oxygen tanks, wheelchairs and paramedics that passed through our rooms over the eight years my husband was ill but I chose them in the colours we both liked, I love my home, it is my haven, it does not feel empty at all because it is full of memories from the day he carried me over the threshold all those many, many years ago. Pictures he hung, which we chose together when we first moved in still hang on the wall, wooden curtain poles he installed are still in place. Our sons ask me why I don’t change the pictures, I tell them because they mean something to me, we chose them together, I can see him now asking if the picture is straight and I am saying left a bit, right a bit.

I did consider moving as I needed new roofs on the extension, porch and garage and I could not get anyone to come because of the pandemic and when they did turn up I never saw them again. I finally found a lovely company (through BARK) and they did it all for me and now my home is in tip top condition so I am going nowhere, I have also found a gardener and diy man and he works for me from April through to end October doing odd jobs, mainly hedge cutting, so now I can sit in my lovely garden in the summer and knit away.

I have just come out of hospital after having Pneumonia and I organised it all by myself, rang for the ambulance as I could not get a doctors appointment, my bag was packed and ready to go, I no longer have any fear about being taken ill alone, I will just ring for the ambulance. I have finally realised that I am stronger than I thought I was, I can cope alone and if and when the day finally arrives that I can no longer look after myself I will also take that in my stride as well. Nothing can ever be worse than losing the one person I spent most of my life with, my husband,

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