Struggling to adjust to this new life.

Good morning Sheila!
Yes - grieving for the future loss is really difficult. At the beginning of 2014 I had such wonderful ideas for Ronald and I. I knew we would have to have our elderly 4Legged pts - however I wanted to think that being without dogs for a while in over 20 years would mean that we would be able to spend time together and go off and explore new places. Ronald loved to travel. All that was not to be. And now I do not think too much about beyond this day (this hour even) and continue to do things that I know at a deep cellular level I do enjoy. One day the happy button might be switched on again!
I am going to transfer the tete-a-tete daffs in pots by the front door into the bed! It is grey and damp again but at least I will be outside for a bit.
xCarole

Love the new photo Sheila!
And enjoy the company and pizza today! Snap - I am having pizza for lunch when I have finished the chores! Just come in for a cardi and scarf as it is cold out there! Am cleaning the car ready for the exchange on Tuesday - I can’t believe what is in there!!!
I will be Skyping a friend later who lives in Canada - we go back to our early twenties. I will listen to all she and her hubby are doing and at some point she will ask how am I doing and I will say something bland - keeping busy and exchanging the car will be a point in my favour! She needs me to be brave and coping as she can’t deal with me being sad.
The effort of putting on the brave face is just too much at times isn’t it.
Here on this forum - we can say how it really is and people just connect with not only how we are feeling but what we are doing to cope.
xCarole

Lady Posh,

After losing my partner of 47 years only 6 weeks ago.I feel exactly the same.
I am so sad for him he was far too young to go and we were just starting our retirement together, he’s been cheated out of some lovely years and so have I.
My whole life has disappeared and there are just a series of empty days to fill in. I don’t suppose this helps but like you I am completely lost without him.
I hope things get easier for you . x

Reading the postings on this site there is a very clear and common theme that these are made by people who were very much in love with their partner. Not surprising possibly; those who weren’t very quickly “moved on” and had no need for a site such as this. For those of us here though that loss is so difficult to come to terms with and everyone’s experience is unique. I struggle myself with days that are bad and days that are good although the good days can suddenly be turned around with feelings of guilt; “how could you enjoy that without having her to share it with?”
Try turning things around. In 2007 I had a serious heart attack followed by nine arrests. I was saved by my wife’s prompt response but, between arrests, I was convinced I was about to die. I told my wife “find happiness, find someone else, don’t waste your remaining years grieving over something you can’t change”. Ten years later and the roles were reversed; it was my wife who was dying and I was facing a life without her. It was her turn to tell me to “find a new life, search out whatever makes you happy”
Whatever our religious or spiritual beliefs I feel certain that nearly all of us visualise our lost love in a new and beautiful, peaceful place; I can’t believe that they would be wishing to see us broken, sad and torn apart. My wife knew that I would not be able to face life without someone beside me, for 32 years that was her and we shared a love and a friendship that I miss every day and every night. I know though that, when something makes me smile again or should anyone else come into my life then it will be with her blessing and she will be smiling back. There are no limits to love, I can’t bottle up inside me what was left when she was taken away. My wife died in 2017, I didn’t and I feel certain that she would want me to now live that life as if I was doing it for her as well.