Ok thank you, plodding on…x
Hi @tykey, I always love reading your positive messages, you sound a very sociable man like my husband used to be. Put him in a room full of strangers and he would talk to all of them. I sure Penny was watching over you on your new adventures and smiling.
I’m not quite brave enough to go on holiday on my own yet, going with my daughter and family soon to Padstow. But I did go to the cinema last Saturday on my own. I had to smile the young man taking the tickets started chatting to me and asked if I wanted a poster of Jurassic World, I said I rather have Tom Cruise, so he gave me one. My first solo challenge now achieved. X
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Hi Dan, I hope you have a lovely time in York and Stacie will be with you every step of the way.
Debbie
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Thanks very Debbie. Glad you’re well
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Thanks for that post tykey, you are a great inspiration and I am so glad you are finding enjoyment, I imagine Penny would be so happy for you.
Joe
I’ve taken another step towards making my future life worthwhile, and to have a reason for getting up each morning. I’m now involved as a volunteer in rescuing hedgehogs in distress.
Now eleven weeks since Penny died, but today has been an excellent day, the best yet. I’ve been happy and positive, with just a few emotional moments which all ended with a smile. I know it will be a rollercoaster, but I’m sure these great days will become more frequent.
So the darkness will come to an end, but we have to get out there to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know Penny will be proud of me.
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Well done tykey, it does help when we have something else to do. It’s now 16weeks since I lost my soulmate and I decided to return to my self employment a couple of weeks ago. My role involves supporting people through difficulties, my soul mate was hugely supportive of my work and wanted me to carry on.
I definitely feel better on my working days. Long way to go yet but it does help.
Emeex
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Hi @tykey, yes Penny will be proud of you.
I’ve just started volunteering at messy church, it’s crafts songs and stories mainly for children but any age welcome to come along. My challenge for this week is I’ve made a fish out of a paper plate and tissue paper with a wobbling eye. It does give me a sense of achievement, giving back to my church community for all the support they have and are still giving me this over the last few months.
Debbie X
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Well done Debbie, thats the way to go. How about a photo of this fish with a wobbly eye, it sounds fascinating 
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Hi Emee, contributing to either people or animals, and improving their lives gives us pride and the belief that we still have a purpose. Little steps on the journey… . Or eating that elephant a bit at a time!!
Keep going, we’ll get there!
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@tykey Stace would think you rescuing hedgehogs in distress as the most amazing, cutest thing in the world!! She loved nature.
@Debbie57 great picture! I hope everyone is well.
What tough times, but what a lovely group to exchange messages with. I felt a great amount of guilt booking a holiday to Turkey last night, with my son, my sister and 2 of her kids. I wish Stace was here to come with us with her Max but I do know she’d tell me to go and have fun x
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Stacie would not want you to feel guilt at all Dan. As you say, she would want you to have fun. You’ll think about her all the time, but I know you’ll love your special family time xx
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Definitely! Thanks Janey xx
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Hi Dan, don’t feel guilty, Stacie would love it you going on holiday with the family. We do it every October half term, with our daughter, son, their partners and all the grandchildren, we do it in memory of Doug and to celebrate his birthday.
Enjoy Turkey, Stacie will always be with you.
Debbie X
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Here’s another update, possibly my last because I feel I’ve now reached the point where the grief has disappeared, leaving only sadness that this happened at all.
3 months ago Penny died, and those first few days were far and away the worst days I’ve ever endured, at least 100 times worse when I learnt I had cancer (happily, now cured). I could never believe that 3 months later, my life is back on track, although a track I never imagined I would have to follow.
I still have emotional spells, but nearly always when I talk to her about my day, which I do every day. The objective wasnt to forget everything about our 50 years together, but just to look back to happy times, tears and laughter are close bedfellows aren’t they.
I recognise two broad principles have got me to where I am now.
Firstly, a positive attitude to every thing, facing all my emotions full square in the face, accept them, and I healed from them. No shrine, no no go areas. Denying what has happened was absolutely no good, I would just carry the burden around for the rest of my life
Secondly, and I think the most important part is to believe 100% that emotions such as grief, can only occur when a thought is allowed to cause the emotions to well up. I practiced many many many times to recognise when these thoughts are appearing, nearly always when I allow my mind to wander where it will. I learnt to spot these negative thoughts and reject them, so they never cause unwanted emotions. So bit by bit, the negative thoughts stopped appearing, and when I was aware that I had successfully sent them away, I always replaced them with a smile and a happy thought (of which there are thousands.)
So thoughts create emotions
Emotions create how our futures will be
Good luck everybody, the despair, anger, guilt all fade away in time.
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Tykey, thanks so much for this post and the optimism you have achieved, I find it incredibly uplifting.
I took your lead and have also been using the hypnotist once a week. He has managed to get my sleeping back on track, (I was sleeping on the settee downstairs to feel closer to my Carole.) and I am in my bed listening to his audio.
I am not able to banish my negative emotions completely but realise that they are not helping and do try to stop myself from dwelling on them.
Good luck to you and I wish you all the best in the future.
Joe x
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I wish I felt a bit more positive like you @tykey, 16 months on and having a dreadful few days.
I had a really busy week, with work, commitments, catching up with friends, family issues and medical appointments. I’ve hit panic mode, yesterday morning greeted at work with urgent job even before I had signed in. I’ve not been keeping up with my routines at home and it’s all got too much, find myself dissolving in tears since yesterday.
I went to a breavement support group for the first time this week, it opened up all sorts of emotions and I felt totally drained after it. I think it’s also playing on my mind and effecting my health waiting for a hospital consultant appointment which is not until Oct.
With all this going on I feel the lose of Doug more than ever, I have no one backing me up giving me a hug and telling me it’s all going to be okay. I think I’m just exhausted.
I’m so sorry, to be so negative when you are so positive, I can’t burden my children and getting all out on here helps.
I’m going to have to stop crying soon as my Iceland delivery is due and I can’t frighten the delivery driver.
Debbie
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Hi Debbie, so sorry you’re feeling this way, you’re right it is exhausting at times.
I now live alone and found myself dwelling on things, I do realise it’s self defeating and try to think of positive “what ifs” such as what if I have a good conversation or what if I smile at something, what if I can relax my mind for a while etc.
I am still far from being the happy, positive person I was but for me realising that my thoughts aren’t helping is enabling me to continue.
I am smoking now and eating crap but am in a position where I am starting to care about myself and trying to change things, it’s difficult but just the fact I am aware is a start.
Carole was my life and I talk to her constantly, when we find our true love as you did with Doug there will always be times of sadness, I guess we have to accept that and try to find a way forward.
Having to wait for appointments are an extra worry for you, I am still not thinking too far ahead.
Good luck with your Iceland delivery, if you do cry then try not to worry about it, I have had a few meltdowns and people are usually considerate.
It sounds like you have lots going on, I think we need to be kind to ourselves and can only do our best.
Sending my love and hope you find peace.
Joe x
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Hi . A few weeks ago I was waiting for my Iceland delivery . When it came the delivery driver asked me what chris was doing now ( my hubby) you can imagine my response and the state I was in telling him chris had died . He was also in total shock . And I felt bad for having to tell him . Terrible experience all round . He had known Chris for years through chris work . And Chris must of got the delivery one time when I wasn’t in . Anyway we talked for about half hour . I say talked I cried . It’s so true you don’t know when or how it will hit you and your overcome with tears . I havnt seen the delivery driver since . Xtake carex
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