Hi All new in this forum. I found interesting some of your messages and also feel very sorry that we all signed up to this forum because we are grieving a loved one .
My belief is keeping me under some sanity now. I dreaded today because exactly today 6 months ago i lost my darling husband, my friend my soulmate, my everyghing. These havd been the worse 6 months of my life. Tiday I relived every second of my husbands last hours making me so very sad. Added to this i lost one if my dear sisters a month ago. I wake up in the mornings feeling very scared. Scared that all is true and scared of what the day brings.
Whilst the day started so lonely and sad, i had a call from the Vicar that did my husband’s funeral service and offered to open the church for me if i wanted a quiet moment in church, although i could do same in the park or at home.
I accepted and as it happends i was sitting on my own by the very alter where 30 years we got married. Had my time and had my memories which, not long ago i said i couldn’t remember any happy time but only the sad ones. It did work at least for today. I only hope that my darljng was with me at that time.
I havd my beliefs although i am not orthodox.
Sorry if my message may not be a favourite one to many or to all. But wanted to share the bit of light i had today.
Hope this made some sense…it has been a long day…
Warm wishes to all
De xx
Dear De, I’m so sorry for your losses. I’m pleased you found comfort in the church today and thank you for sharing your ‘bit of light’. I think we all need time out occasionally and a little solitude. There’s something about the silence of a church, maybe I’ll try that myself. Xx
Hello De, It is also six months for me but I’m afraid I may be different to some of you as I don’t count the days or months, I don’t want to remember and the time is flying by and I am still back at the beginning.
So pleased you saw a bit of light today. I have been told that it is when our loved one’s are connecting with us that this light comes.
I do not go to church regularly but do have my faith. I do a lot of walking and when I go past a church that is open I go inside and sit for a quiet moment of prayer and light a candle. It does give me comfort. I lost my faith for a while when Brian died but it seems to be coming back now. I have been told that it was his time to go and there is nothing that could be done about it.
I am sure he was with you just as my Brian is with me, whatever I do.
Thankyou for sharing you day with us and what a kind thoughtful vicar.
Love Pat xxx
I count every day and i go back so often on what we did on the an specific date… 6 months, 5 months 12 months ago. So still living very much in the past. the present is surreal and the future scaring without my soulmate.
Today, like every day i am missing him like mad. i am often looking for signs such as feathers in my walks. I see a small bird mainly a robin and think its my husband following me. All de crazy things that will give me some peace and connection . I will do, cuddling trees anything . Cant think how life will be without my darling.
Hope your fairh of belief will help you .
Take care . Love Dex
Religion or believes are such subjects.!! But yes sometimes churches regardless of their nominatiin bring some peace. As much as a mountain, or the sea. Particularly those small village churches with outside green views…
My partner died 10 weeks ago, all I want is to see her again in my dreams and let me know how she is, i miss her so much, i cry every day and night because my heart yearns for her,
I couldn’t live on without faith. I have always had it since being small. It hasn’t changed since those I love have died, it’s just the same. I don’t seem to need proof, although it is always welcome. I feel love, I feel connection and, I feel it the most at home. I find it more difficult to believe that we are born, with all the complexities of our minds and bodies, and then we die a few years later. The End. I cannot accept that’s the way it is. It makes bigger and better sense to me believing we’re travelling through on our way to somewhere and something else. I’m as convinced of it as it’s possible to be without any proof. But I’ve always worked off gut instinct rather than proof. My faith is just another variation of that. I’m going to laugh so much at you YL when I see you one day in heaven…:)) x
That’s an interesting question and I’m not sure how to answer, probably because I don’t know the answer. I was brought up in a strong Methodist family and that covered several generations.
I can’t actually point to a time where I began to have doubts, maybe senior school. I don’t have a view on death, other than death is death. As for grief I’ve definitely been doing that. It probably started with deep trauma when my wife was diagnosed five years ago with incurable brain cancer and given 14 months. I have a massive connection to her and I don’t want to lose that. I’m also grateful for the fact that I have the means and the health, hopefully, to get as much as I can out of whatever life remains for me. She told me I must do that and I feel an obligation to her to do that. My wife is apart of a chapter in my life that is closed now. I hate that with a passion and I miss her to excess, but I can’t change the fact she is dead. I have to deal with that and live on in the best way I can. I can still keep her name and her memory alive. I see her in my 4 kids and 7 grandkids. They have her smile and, in that, she lives on.
Hope that makes sense.
Hi De, not sure why I don’t count every day. I seem to blank time out. I do agree though with what you say about the present and the future.
Like you I look for signs like feathers. Last week I went for an early morning long walk. I came to two stiles both going in different directions. As I knew the walks from both stiles I was open to using either stile. I then noticed that one of them had a white feather on it, so took that one. While crossing the fields I looked back and could see that the other route had a herd of cows and a bull in it a few field on and I would have been crossing that one. I’m not afraid of cow’s but don’t cross these fields when I have the dogs. Cows seem to love chasing dogs. So, yes as far as I was concerned Brian was keeping an eye out for me and our dogs. Robins always landing near me when I’m working on the allotment, usually on the handle of the wheelbarrow. I take it for granted now that it’s Brian come to take a look at what I’m doing.
Whatever it takes to give me comfort and strength I’m happy with.
Pat xxx
Its interesting , to see so many similarities when we describe our feelings of grief despite our individual circunstances and possibly very different ages, grieving time, with children or not , nationality even, culture and background etc.
Grief is like an illness that dont have
boundaries but managed in a very different ways and different time scales.
So glad you feel Brian with you and he is loking after you. I think now that my husband has been looking after me for me to have survived these 6 months.
De xx
No. You just think you are. Heaven is even better than that
I always wonder why proof is often needed for us to believe in after life, heaven, God etc etc. when we trust so many other things in life without any proof. People book holidays every year, sometimes more than once a year, for example, often paying in full for them hundreds and sometimes thousands of pounds, off a picture and a couple of paragraphs of description. They travel there believing the hotel they booked exists in the place they booked it and to the standard the write up says it is…you don’t pay up front for heaven, not even a small deposit, so why not believe it exists and look forward to going there like looking forward to a holiday. I don’t see a difference myself. I’m such a simple soul :))x
This is a lovely thread…thank you!
I struggle with my faith but I do believe implicitly that this life is not all that there is…creation is too exquisite and there are too many seeming coincidences for me to think otherwise…and all of us on this forum are living proof that love doesn’t die!
Take care x
Isn’t that the whole point, that I think I am.
Isn’t heaven or nirvana just a state of mind or a way of thinking.
There is an afterlife, in that our atoms are recycled. The continuance of energy.
Maybe heaven, nirvana, is better than this and I hope I find it next week.
I think I’ll just avoid theories on evolution.
I’m not looking for proof. I’m trying to keep busy living in the here and now :)) xx
When my Richard was, he passed away 6 weeks ago today…I often would say to him in my jovial sense of humour ( I often touched on the subject of death, mainly because it terrifies me ) of Richard if you go before me ( of course I never expected this to happen when it did happen ) but I would say, Richard if you go before me, you can tell me if I was right or if I was wrong, meaning I believe in an afterlife, I believe when we die someone comes for us, our soul, our spirit leaves our body, our body just becomes a shell…My Richard had no beliefs, as he believed once your dead your dead well, now he knows the truth…is he still with me, can he still hear me? I do hope so…In the meantime I still believe in what I believe in that life is not over when we dies, yes our body becomes lifeless but that has to be more, there just has to be…
CW…
…I love the way you put it, yes you are so right, we dont need the proof, just have faith and belief, faith is all that we need…our God created our earth, and all that is in it-life…isn’t that a marvel-a miracle in itself?..
From one simple soul to another (and with our ‘Heidi’ connection - hello again!) I agree with you whole heartedly. In a sense we all move forward in some of faith/expectation every day. Having optimism for the future certainly helps me, and it’s heartening to see how many others believe that this life isn’t all there is, that there’s something better beyond. So many ‘coincidences’ happened when I was dealing with my daughters affairs and arranging her funeral that I do believe there is a God who cares, and who was answering my cries for help. Sadly my husband doesn’t share my faith. He thinks once you’re dead that’s it, but the beauty of it is that if he’s right I’ll never know but if I’m right he’s going to get a big shock one day !! xx
Absolutely Kathy and, Hi again I’ve never been one for complicating things and that includes my thought process. I’m not a scientist either, never felt the desire to embrace that topic. I chose to embrace a much simpler subject ie psychology and children (social work). Kids kept and still keep me real. I’ve had the pleasure of learning so much from them during my working life and it doesn’t come much more real or simple than from the mind and mouth of a child. Better teachers than any I experienced through study. All the scientists and their philosophies in the world cannot compare in my ‘simple’ opinion. I don’t do complicated. I do yes or no. Black or white. Real or fake…I do respect over disrespect too, and I absolutely respect the thoughts and views of others. As YL says, he prefers to focus on living in the here and now. I’m certain we all do that on a daily basis. Particularly those of us on this forum. The here and now needs so much of our focus in order for us to get through each day. But, that doesn’t mean when we book, in faith, our holidays that we don’t look forward to them somewhere in the future as we continue making the most of the here and now.
So nice to hear from you again, Kathy and I hope you’re doing as well as is possible. Sending love x
