The Life of a bereaved Mum Who Has Lost Her Only Child.

:rose::rose: thank you for taking the time to reply.

2 Likes

We all grieve individually, there is no timeline, no right or wrong. No set order to how/when feelings happen. I accepted that some days were relentless in the pain, I accepted that others lives continued on whilst my childā€™s death had destroyed me, they could never understand nor would I wish this on anyone. I believe I had to accept this simply because living in a state of anger was exhausting.
Grief is love with nowhere to go. I wish you time , love, peace and acceptance. Be kind to yourself xx

4 Likes

So much of this expresses just how I feel. My daughter died in May this year and I just feel so sad. Sad that her real joy in life has been taken from her and sad because I just miss her! So much of your descriptions of feeling isolated in a crowd, inhabiting or existing in the world and changed perceptions of the future are just how I feel. Thank you for sharing this.

2 Likes

Thank you for your lovely message.
I am so sorry that you too have lost your daughter. It is the worst loss of all, to lose your your child. Sending gentle hugs & total understanding :pray:t3::rose::people_hugging:

Hi @Talisker I am so sorry you have lost your daughter, I want to say welcome but none of us ever wanted to be here so it doesnā€™t feel right.
I think when we lose a child the grief is all consuming because we grieve twice, the grief for all we have lost and the grief for the life they have lost. Some parents believe they have a sense of duty to live their lives because their children cannot. Others, like me, cannot live a life because their children no longer occupy it. There is no right or wrong in grief, itā€™s just remembering to breathe and to do what feels right for you.

5 Likes

Hi MoBe. Thank you for your lovely message. I am finding that as time passes, I can only relate to other bereaved parents. Even people who have lost grandparents, parents or siblings cannot understand how truly horrific it is to lose your child. Itā€™s an ā€œout of natural order deathā€. The complexities of which are so more. Loss of your identity on top of everything too. I feel so lost & displaced as a mum who has no children to mother anymore. I am like you, I am struggling to keep going.
Earlier this year I tried to end my life. I woke up in hospital 14 hours later. I just couldnā€™t stand the relentless pain anymore.

Hi Aurora
I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you tight.
I have another daughter who is ten years older ( I lost 4 babies between my girls). I know you will think itā€™s not the same as I still have a child, you are right but my loss is profound.
I also feel immense guilt, I have to be totally honest because others may feel this way and I need them to know itā€™s not just them, but I resent my other child. I cannot hold her, I cannot touch her, I hate when she sounds like my other daughter because she is not her. Most of all, I hate she is holding me here. I find myself wondering would I feel the same if it had been her.
I judge her and compare her and mourn all that I have lost and all that she is not.

I have that vast ache, the void of a life that is now lost to me. I cannot see a reason to continue, I wasnā€™t blessed with grandchildren, but I made a promise to my dying daughter that I would stay for her sister.
While I cannot feel your loss, as you say,
our grief is unique and thatā€™s what is so isolating, I do understand your words, every one tugging at my heart. Your pain is clear and echoes so many of us here, your voice resounds and gives others validation :broken_heart:

1 Like

Hi MoBe, grief is different for everyone. We all have to deal with our own private issues the best we can. The loss of a child is truly devastating & complex in many ways.
I have promised to stay here for my husband. He was so distraught when he thought he had lost me too. I wasnā€™t thinking of him when I tried to end my life. I just wanted the relentless agony to stop. I promised that as long as he is here I will be too. Weā€™ve been together for 43 years, married for 40 of them. He is my rock.All I know is that if he goes before me, I absolutely know I couldnā€™t go on if he was gone too. My daughter & husband were & are my whole world. Sending you a big hug too :people_hugging:

1 Like

Hi Talisker, I am so sorry that you also know the agony of losing a child. I thank you for your message & send love & a big hug from my shattered heart to yours :people_hugging:

I lost my Son in May. Like your daughter he has 2 children - boy turned 2 after we lost Sam & they were expecting a little girl - she arrived 2 weeks ago. I shouldnā€™t be with them as he should be. Itā€™s so bitter sweet in everything they do. I am grateful to have them and my grandson has been a bit of light in this very very dark time. Iā€™m in so much pain at what Sam is missing out on. How cruel it is to our children. Feel lost and broken.

2 Likes