@Jane15 I have just sent off for a plaque with this on. Even though I miss him so much, and have had so many tears, I could be here easily another 20 years or so, so I have to get on the best I can. Thanks so much for the quote! X
@Cloudysky I have done the same ordered it today , it will be going to the new house with me , it isnāt what was planned I need to read it everyday ! X
What incredibly moving experiences people have has the moments and hours passed before they died. It was equally distressing to witness my wife in her last two days being ravaged by spreading cancer and the unfolding, unedifying effects of seeing a human body breakdown, leak and not functioning as it should. Truly unforgettable and traumatic. Its so unbearably sad one has to witness such events to the most precious person in their lives. If in our grief it seems that God is uncaring and has slammed the bolted door in our face it takes a while to see that there are happier signs, right in front of us. Maybe when the grief blindfold ever comes off I might catch a glimpse of them
As We go 2 steps forward and 1 step back through our unpredictable recovery journey.
I feel more and more sure that the events just after My Yvetteās passing is what is partialky holding Me back from moving foward.
The immediate 2 to 3 hours after Her passing were truly horrific, in a ābizarre circumstances of events ā kind of way that I constantly am forced to replay in a sort of slow motion horror movie.
I cannot tell My closest friends, why would I scar them.
I cannot tell a member of Her family, they can never have this memory, so pleased they are in the main making godd progress recovering.
I cannot mention it on here, way too graphic and We are all struggling as it is, not going to contibute to bring people down, I am here in part to support others if I can just being hear to reinforce the idea that they are not alone.
I cannot call good samaritans, they are volunteers , knowbody would have signed up to a shift to listen to such trauma.
I was thinking about grief counselling, I would only need One appointment , as professionals they probably could relate especially if they are experienced and may have heard a similar tale before, I could talk to them of the dire events and I would surely feel better. I say only one appointment for sure, just the outpouring the events would be all I need, download what happened and then clear My brains hard drive.
I wish I knew someone who worked in a hospice or dealt with dealing with patients after they passed in hospital or even had a friend who was an undertaker.
Taking the positives, now I am thinking clearer after that numbness period most of had in the first few months it is good that I have identified a stumbling block to recovery which is generally half the battles with problems.
I have learnt from the group that at 5 months in I am still at the beginning of My journey, I am thinking after another 5 months or so if the flashbacks donāt get further apart I will go to get some help
I also had a horrific time watching Simon screaming in pain 1 week at home and a week in hospice nobody could get hold of his pain when cancer took over his body his bowel perforated from tumour every part of his ending was awful Iām angry the hospice didnāt tell me when I begged to help him sleep he was terminal agitation that the next injection he would be sedated not able to see or speak to me they should have told me so we could at least say goodbye and obviously I laid with him until he final breath so scary but I havenāt told anyone how bad but have just started talking therapies for ptsd which take to back to the room and after itās soo distressing but they say you have to go their to start to remove it hopefully you will get help
So sorry you went through such an ordeal. It is pleasing to know you are being proactive in you healing process a problem shared a problem solved and all that.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, much appreciated, therefore group helps in.letting people know they are not al9ne
Much appreciated. The group does help as it lets us know others have had similar experiences.
I too had the same experience. My Ray was in hospital for 7 weeks with advanced pancreatic cancer, he was moved to a private room, only spoke very briefly to his mother and sister on the phone asking them to come and see him, and he was confused. He couldnāt talk to me very much about his diagnosis, he just couldnāt go there. Maybe he was trying to protect me, Iāll never know. After he spoke to his family, he said very little, I went home to get some things and by the time I got back, he was sleeping all the time. They gave him so much medication. He never spoke again, so I never heard his lovely voice. They explained very little to me about the whole thing, I had no idea what it would be like. 2 nurses would come to move him and Iād be outside the door crying, hearing him in obvious discomfort. Sorry for rambling on, but if we understood more about what would happen weād be better prepared, but I suppose who is
Your journey is similar they put us in a cuddle bed but even though sedated few days before he died I couldnāt cuddle him his body was in pain like you they turned him and he moaned in pain I had his heart in my hand when it stopped and just stroke his head not to hurt him hospice is amazing but not all staff are as caring