Dear,
Mark,
So Sorry for your loss,i have tears in my eyes as i was reading your post. Nobody who has experienced loss how you have can truly understand the pure pain. Like you i am so glad there is a site like this and really grateful. I lost my stepdad who was like a real Dad to me last Friday the 30th August,to make matters worse this was the day before the 2 year anniversary of my Mum passing away. I am a lone parent with a 13 year old son,and not much family. Like you i feel why couldn’t my Auntie or Uncle ring to see how
my son and i are doing? When i lost my Mum 2 years ago,i almost had a nervous break down,suffering from an ongoing illness did not help my mental state further. There is not a day or an hour in the day,when i do not think of my Mum at all,and now with my Dad gone,i feel so empty. My advice is to get plenty of rest,see your GP for advice,eat well when you can,quick and simple things,google local support groups for your area. Don’t expect too much of yourself. Work is not the bee all and end all. I know that my Mum is around me,and have signs of that,i believe that for you to. If you ever would like to message me,i log on here around once/twice a day. Take Care,stay strong,Lucy xxx
I’m so sorry you’ve had a bad day. I know how you feel because when my darling husband first died my children got out all our old photos including ones he had before he met me. Seeing them made me feel dreadful. As you say, if we had looked at them together we would have laughed and recalled the memories but seeing them especially when we were first together reminded me that we would never have those wonderful times again. I’ve put them away. No doubt I will be able to look at them in the future but now is not the time.
I have just lost my partner of 22 years as a result of modern medicine not helping her and being lost in the system. I am 52 and she was 46. My life feels utterly broken and the way she passed is haunting me as she did it herself. I am going to keep everything the same in the house but I don’t know what to do right now. I can’t sleep, eat, function. I have her mother her right now buts she is 84 and I have to support her emotions. I am utterly broken.
I can relate to that. The photos are really painful
Dear Slab 777 I do feel for you
Loosing a loved one is so hard and painful - but when the person does it herself it is also tragic - I do feel for you
Recently a person related to my family did the same and he was only 30 - you are left with many answered questions, many people close to him felt/feel very guilty because the didn’t foresee what would happen . But it is no one’s fault when suited happens
This forum will help you - nothing you say is judged or shock - we are all struggling and trying to do what is right for us
With much love
Sadie x
Hi Sadie
Rebecca and I were together for 22 years. We have no family, just us. When she got sick we fought so hard. She fought like you would not believe. She was correcting doctors letters even when she was at her worst. We had 8 leaver arch files full of invoices and doctors letters non of whole were talking to each other. As we neared the end she realised what was wrong and presented the doctors with a possible solution. The key was to get her into hospital. We tried everything to get her admitted. On the morning of her death I begged them to take her in but they never called me back. That hospital bed could have and probably would have saved her life. 46 years old and gone, A bright stunning person because she did not tick the right box in the NHS system. I am without the ability to function myself right now and I doubt if I will ever be able to be emotionally stable again but I am angry about how the NHS shut the door on her when they all knew there was a problem and she was loosing the will to live. So so sad .
Hi their, you know, I never went to my partners funeral! I was asked not to go by his mum, because of my crying all the time. Thing is, I also said my goodbyes to him before he left the home in an ambulance. He died in my arms, I tried so hard to save him, but I saw his eyes roll his breathing stopped and he was gone. The ambulance guys brought him back but he had another heart attack on the way to the hospital and his brain had stopped working. I chose not to go in the abulance because I had trauma, just didn’t realise that at the time, but to have gone with him in the abulance that early morning would have just brought on more pain. All his family were at the hospital when he was on a support machine that was breathing for him, but all they did for me was giving me a false hope. Turned out he passed away when he was on his own, no family around even though they wanted to watch him go.
He was adopted and I know that his friend who was beaten and died were their for him on the other side as he passed on, on his friends annerversay after the machine was turned off.
So I understand totally the reason why you don’t want to go to the funeral. They are painfull places and if you have said your goodbyes, then I know she would not be angry with you for not going. You have to do what you want! I feel you are suffering depression which is totally understandable so dealing with that too is hard.
I hope this helps. Please don’t do anything daft neither. Xxxx Tinkerbel.
Slab777, I really don’t know what to say - there so many crys for help, so many requests for the right treatment- so very sorry for you and for her
Take care
Safie x
Well I did go in the end and I organised everything. I had to as no one else could. I saw her wrapped in cashmere as she had requested in her wicker coffin. I pulled her on an ancient wooden cart from the hearse to her final resting place. I also lowered her down into her place with a friend of mine as I did not want anyone else to be close to her at that time. I had just enough strength to read a note I had written for her although I thought I was not going to finish it a couple of times. I am in constant pain with this. I feel guilty for not doing more to help but everyone says I did way more than anyone they knew. It makes no difference what anyone says I am really struggling with this. I don’t see anyone on this site where things have got better. I don’t see a way through it although I am trying to find every distraction I can. Thank you for your reply and I am sorry you had to go through that. The feelings are like nothing else you can ever feel. I wish you all the strength to get you through this.
1 Like