I think a death is as devastating wether it be sudden or over time, the bottom line regardless of how it happened, Is that it happened, both types of death bring different types of emotions to the fore but the basic devastation is the same, the loneliness is the same, the incompleteness is the same, regardless of type of death, illness, age, sex or length of time together the outcome is the same, we are alone without our partner. We all do the things we need to do to in order to cope, I personally sat in my husbands wardrobe because his smell was still strong.
As many wise people on here have said all our emotions are raw, at the end of the day we all have come on here for help support and understanding, for as long as we need it. We are not all going to agree on things but we can agree to disagree and support each other as best we can. Hugs to all. X
Hi Jamie
I lost my soulmate four months ago ā¦ I have a bracelet with a tiny amount of his ashes in, I had a memory bear made from his favourite fleece jacket a d some other stuff, I sleep in his side, I use his pillows, I talk to him every day, I write to him every day ā¦ whether that is normal or not I donāt care. Itās what I do. He was diagnosed and died within four weeks .:; all he was worried about was having to leave me. He was such a good man. We previously got through the death of both our sons seven years and two years ago.
Please carry on doing what brings you comfort. I am here any time for you hun ā¦ everyone here is so kind and understanding.
Sending hugs from my heart to your heart, Sue xx
Hi Pat
I was just like you. The agony you feel for months on end knowing whatās waiting for you in the months to come is truly unbearable.
I relive the months knowing what we were both going through this time last year.
And even when the time came and we knew it was time, there are still a million things I wish I could have said to him.
I know that the coming months are going to bring back such awful memories reliving what happened this time last year.
I honestly donāt know which is worse but I do know that we all share a broken heart.
Best wishes to everyone and you Pat.
Louise
hello Jamie
firstly I would like to send you my condolences.
no behaviour is bad behaviour when it comes to grief, you do what helps you to deal with your loss.
we all handle a loss of a loved on differently because we are all different.
when I am alone I talk to my mother as if she is still with me,
what ever comforts you best you do what ever you want.
also there is no time limit on grieving, some heal different to others like a cut.
my advice to you is to take each day as it comes and not look to weeks ahead.
I often ask myself what would my mother want me to do?
what ever gets you through another day then do it. it is completely up to you when you want to let your partner go and nobody else,
I hope this helps you.
samantha
Jg19.All I can say is we are here to help ,listen and give no judgment to each other.
Do what you want to do ,My husband has passed away one year and two months.
And I feel the same. Iām not going to get rid of his clothes ,shaving blades .I use the blades and wear his slippers all the time his cardigan to hug my body .So many things u do is how u want to cope .Ill always be Mrs ,not widow.And Iām trying to keep afloat .Not for myself but for my DAUGTHERS and granchildren.
Itās very hard and very painful for all of us .
We must keep intouch to keep stronge .One day at a time .
Jeanette.xxxx
Yes, it certainly is and never a truer word spoken. My life went on hold ten years before he died. All I could think of was how long did we have left together. We lived a full life. he became strong and I thought we had beaten the big C. Not so, it attacked last year and there was nothing I could do anymore. I was grieving months before he died. I knew what was coming. I tried to prepare myself, but nothing prepares you for the nightmare life you are left with, all plans go out the window. You are right it is truly unbearable watching them slowly die over months and even years. A torture like no other. This time last year Brian struggled to the AGM at the allotment. He planted his winter onions on the 18th September the last time he ever went to his beloved allotment. I will plant them this year on the 18th.
Now we must pick ourselves up and find ourselves again and I reason that if we have survived the nightmare of watching our loved ones die we can survive anything, even this heartbreakā¦
Thankyou and best wishes
Pat xxx
Nothing prepares you for grief. For at least 6 years I thought I would watch my dad gradually fade away in a hospital bed. I thought I was preparing myself and kind of going through a grieving processā¦ but his passing was so sudden and unexpected. No one is ever ever prepared for it
Hello Louise. I have just been reading your words of the 13.09 and the awful memories reliving of what happened this time last year. I thought it was me being extra sensitive and didnāt want to say anything but I am also reliving memories of last September although he didnāt pass away until November.
September 15th he struggled to attended an AGM meeting, 18th planted his Onions but never went to his allotment again. 21st Drove the car for the last time and we went shopping together for the last time. 24th last hospital appointment and the day that I realised that what I had been dreading for years was happening. I was losing him. I remember praying and asking God to spare him and I would look after him forever. I canāt believe itās been a year. I sometimes wonder if the nightmare will ever end.
As I have said before everyday I look for something that makes me feel contented and sometimes happy and today wasnāt bad at all. I started planting his onions for him at the allotment. I cleared his pond out and that gave me pleasure.
I purchased a small wooden heart from a charity shop this week for 50p it says.
LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE and I intend to do that everyday. I felt it was meant for me, I have it hanging up in my kitchen to remind me God bless
Pat xx
hi Priscilla
lovely post.love trying feel connected to Jayne and no doubt others who lose loved ones like that feeling of connection.i wear Jaynes sweatshirt each night.
kind regards
ian
hi Jamie
very sorry for your loss.and continue doing what ever make you feel connected to Travis.
kind regards
ian
Now and again I wear Robs aftershave.I feel he is with me then