Why Didn't They Tell Me? (Cremation Remains)

How upsetting for you. Dreadful.
My Dads ashes I never opened and my Mum’s I have not intention of opening.
Perhaps, one day I’ll scatter them, but for now they are in a wardrobe together and I will get some peace knowing they are there one day.

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Oh my goodness I thought I was the only one!
I lost my Dad 9 weeks ago, and like you, I went and picked up the ashes and put it away until I was ready to ‘sort it’. And to my absolute horror and heartbreak, I opened an envelope and out came my precious Dad’s ashes in a little clear drug looking baggy. I fell to the floor in a heap!! Crumbled. I can’t believe they do this either, without warning too. As if we haven’t been through enough - they can’t afford the extra 1p for a black bag?!

Like you I was horrified, still am, but I try to let this part go as it doesn’t make anything else better, or go away.
The outcome is still the outcome.

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Hi Skywise I was just reading all the supportive responses which are a comfort,when I got a knock on the door it was the Funeral Director with my wife’s ashes in a round tube I have placed it on the mantle piece and now breaking my heart and crying as I type this I’m on my own and need to express myself


Peter, I was the same when I got my husband’s ashes back in a scatter tube they also had a smaller tube that was easily accessible so I bought a lovely little mini urn that I have some of his ashes in and keep it in the lounge then I have another little heart shaped one I keep in the bedroom. I will scatter the main ashes when I am ready …if ever that day dawns :cry: You are not alone we have all been there it’s natural you are upset you need to cry. Your wife is back with you now where she belongs
V xx

Hi Peter

I hope you’re feeling a bit better now.

When I first brought Clive home I too was dazed and heartbroken but I’ve found that having him back home with me, where he belongs, has turned in a great source of comfort (until the other day that is!) and I hope you grow to feel the same. It’s as if a part of him is still here with me. I talk to him all the time and having that focal point that I can see keeps him real, if you know what I mean.



Hi Skywise I’m feeling a bit better today maybe you could help I’ve got my wife’s ashes and had planned on putting them under the silver birch tree so I could go and talk to her,but today is making me think should I keep some of her ashes in the house in a container as well would like someone else’s intake on this as normally I would to talk to my wife Thanks

Hi there Peter 30
There is nothing wrong with doing both, or maybe put.a quarter under the tree, keep some in a small urn nearby you,but also keep some in reserve , as maybe when time goes on you might think of other places you shared together and want some ashes there.
Take your tie deciding because once they are all scattered there is no going back on it and changing your mind
Hope this helps

Hi Lancashirelass1 Thanks for your help that seems a good idea.I feel with having the ashes in the house it has calmed me down at the moment anyway Thanks

https://www.newlightcremationurns.co.uk/26-mini-keepsake-urns. Peter here is a link to a company that does the little mini urns which I have put some of my husband’s ashes in. You could have one in every room in the house if you wanted. I am sure it will help you as it has me
V xx

Hi Peter, I had my husbands ashes put in the grave with his Grandparents but I had the undertaker put some in a small urn, it’s a lovely little wooden one and I have that in my living room by a photo of him and a lock of his hair in a lovely little container. They also put some ashes in a locket that my family bought for me specially for ashes and a photo. They did it all for me as I don’t think I could have managed it.
Yes as advised take your time, no rush do what you think is right for you.
Good luck

Hi MrsColt thank you for the link I have had a look and there is one i am drawn too so after a night sleep I will order one as since the ashes had been delivered that night I had a bad next day,but things in the house have be come very calm and today has been a far better day than I thought I would have for a long time I believe she’s here and wants to stay with me I’m going to hang onto that belief as it gives me comfort

Hi Pattidot I have read what you have said I’m going to listen to your wise words and keeping some of my wife’s ashes in the house.Thank you

Hi Peter

I fully intended to put Clive’s ashes in a container in the garden. He had a special spot there that he called his Thinking Place. If ever I couldn’t find him, that’s where he’d be, beer in hand, catching the last rays of the sun. He loved the garden and I thought that would be where he’d want to be. But when I did eventually bring him home, I found that I didn’t want to do that after all, I wanted to keep him safe and warm in the house, with me.

Personally, I want to keep Clive close to me. Other people find that thought incredibly morbid and wouldn’t dream of having their loved one’s ashes in the house. It’s a very personal choice and one that you want to take your time over making. It doesn’t have to be made right away - doesn’t matter if you take weeks or months over it. You’ll know when the decision, and the time, is right.

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I also haven Jack’s ashes with me in the house - I also put some ashes in smallburns - 2 of my children wanted it and 2 didn’t
I have a small urn in hat is in my bed - I am in Brazil at the moment and was considering to put a bit of his ashes in Rio because we met there
Basically you choose what is right for you and what other people think is their problem -
Sadie xxx

I’ve got both my parents ashes in the house. My Dad has been there for nearly 20 years and my mother in recent months. I would’n want them anywhere else.
Perhaps, one day I’ll find a true resting place.

My brothers were scattered under a beautiful tree when I was a teenager, my Mothers are with my brother, my Dad and Me x

Hi MrsColt just to let you know I have received my urn and it’s lovely.I. Have returned to work and my first week is over there were times I struggled and the tears flowed especially when people were being concerned,but I have got through and believe that the week has helped me allow my mind to focus on other things, but it still hits hard when I start my journey home towards an empty house the feelings flood back and I head somewhere I don’t want to be at the moment,but I still go to the house and shout hello I’m back I hope as the nights get lighter things will get easier again every one on here that has supported me through this difficult time thank you

So glad you are happy with the urn you chose Peter, I hope it brings you the comfort that mine has brought me. Just having them subtily in the room to look at and talk to makes a difference.
I am so glad that you have got your first week back at work over with. As I told you once you have seen everyone and they have given you their condolences it makes things easier. I bet your wife would be so proud of how well you have done this week. The return home is awful I know :cry: where once you had a warm welcome to arrive back to there is nothing but memories and heart break. As you say once the evenings get lighter hopefully things will get a bit better for us all. Thanks for letting me know how it went you have done so well :+1: